Just be

I just got off the phone with my brother Ben and he said this to me, "This may sound cheesy, but You may never know when things are going to work out the way you'd like them to, but you can take comfort in the fact that you are one day closer than you were yesterday." Yes, it was cheesy, but it made sense.
We can think, over-analyze and cling until we have nothing left or we can just be.

Updates!

I Looooooove sleeping in!!!!! But it is a bad habit to get myself into. Summers. One of the greatest perks of being a teacher!
So what is my focus for the summer, ME! I went into 24 hour fitness a few days ago and got a gym membership and a personal trainer named Todd. Who just might very well give me the "beating of my life". I need it. I need some outside motivation. I think one of the hard things about me is that I have gotten complacent. I'm not "too fat" and therefore, eh.... BUT, I want to be the best that I can be and be healthy. So, here goes!
Also, some students wrote some notes on facebook that made my heart happy! Here are some excerpts-

Briana wrote the 1st one-
"Ms. Parkes-You were the greatest!! Theater was only fun because you helped me discover the magic in acting. I love you so much! Thank you for casting me as the main roles in eighth and ninth grade! I had such a blast and I will definitely miss you. Confidence was only one of the many things that I learned while being in the four plays/musicals. You definitely made it wonderful for me. Thank you for the wonderful years! I wish you luck for the years to come!"

Julia wrote this-(She transferred to Valley right before the auditions for the musical) "A couple of weeks later, I auditioned for the school musical, "Willy Wonka Jr." I didn't expect anything special. After all, I was just me. A new girl trying to find her place in this new environment. When I saw the cast list, I was disheartened because I started at the end, working my way up. I thought I hadn't even made it in the play because I wasn't in the ensemble. But then, I saw it- at the top of the list were the words "Charlie Bucket- Julia Wills." This was obviously a shock, since Charlie Bucket is a boy and I'm, well, a girl! However, as rehearsals went on, I began to see how the part would work out. That musical was what really yanked me out of my little shell of a comfort zone. I began meeting new people and making friends. I gained a confidence that before had been inconceivable, while maintaining a normal sized head thank-you-very-much. I truly felt happy."

Wow. Friends, I am going to issue you a challenge. Too often we focus on the negative aspects of life and don't let people know what they mean to us. We don't hear words of encouragement, praise, or support often enough. Let's change that.

Onto other things, I got a subpoena yesterday to be a witness in a trial. It was about one of the fights I blogged about earlier this year. Oh, my life is wacky!!!

SUMMER!

Today is the first day of my summer vacation! Can I get a Woot Woot! I am so excited for summer, giddy in fact!

I have so many super things planned for summer! In fact I get to see this super cute girl in FRANCE! Let me tell you about my friend Amy- She is an amazing gal, I absolutley love her! She is always there for me no matter what. She makes me laugh and makes me feel a lot younger than my 30 years. I am so excited to see her!

Ok, so recently I've cause myself some internal turmoil. WHY DO I DO THAT!?!? Put it into perspective... my life is amazing and the Lord is VERY mindful of me. Just be. It is what it is. And it will all work out the way that it needs to...

Here are just a few pictures illustrating WHY may life is amazing-

I have the opportunity to teach something that I love!

I also help kids realize how AWESOME they are! It is my prayer that my students leave my classroom with a greater sense of self-worth. That is my #1 priority.

I have a fun step family who I have the opportunity to get to know! Here I am with Cole & Gage (my step nephews) at Disneyland last summer! They are such great kids!

Star Trek with my brothers! Admit it, you are jealous Ben & Jeff aren't your brothers!

Did I mention how much I love my sister-in-law Luana? She is amazing and I love her soooooo much! Ben is truly blessed that she is his wife!

Um, I get to direct musicals, give purpose to teenagers, have a creative outlet and laugh!

Look at those caramel apples, AMAZING!

Sarah White has been such a blessing in my life, I don't know how I would survive Valley Junior High with out her! (Oh and we wore shorts, in JANUARY!)

Have you met my family?

Ivy & Madeleine are a never-ending source of laughter, hugs, questions and JOY!

My sister let me attack her face with make-up and a pink wig, tee-hee!

I am 30, flirty and thriving!

At my b-day party with some of my awesome friends, Erika, Cherie and Sarah

Maddie!


I am working on becoming a better me! Running a 5K with Sarah.

I know who I am.

Expectations

I sit here on a Friday night spending time in front of my computer screen and I have a million thoughts running through my mind.

I played at a wedding tonight, it wasn't an LDS wedding, so we played for the ceremony. I swear the groom looked like he could've been one of my students! They looked so young! (When did I get so old?)...

Expectations of myself- expectations of others- expectations of my life...

Another school year has come and gone, the students usually cry. I console- if they only understood how many times they would say goodbye in life. Goodbye to innocence, goodbye to relationships, goodbye to dreams...

When is something a waste of time? How do you know when you've given too much and received too little? I feel empty sometimes. How can I let go? Alone.

Is our worth really wrapped up in the eyes of others? Can we be complete on our own? I don't know. So we spend a lifetime searching, planning, scheming, crying, dreaming,... living.
Still alone.

Wondering why. How many gray hairs can a person get before they become "too old"? I get gray hairs... they say if you pluck them out, three grow back in its place. I think this is most likely true, at least for me.

The eternal optimist? She sometimes feels sad. She sometimes feels anger. She often feels lonely. And yet, in moments, she looks heavenward and remembers who she is.

Time marches on and I wonder, when will this be real?

Music Makes My Heart Sing!

What I love about music, is it's power to enhance our lives, to improve our moods, to lift the spirit, and to enlighten the mind.

I am so humbled I can bring music to others, I am grateful I can sing when words will not suffice. I am so blessed to have grown up in a home where music was such a part of everyday life.

"Look for the silver lining
Whenever clouds appear in the gloom-
Remember somewhere the sun is shining
So the right thing to do
Is make is shine for You.
A heart full of joy and gladness
Will always vanish sadness and strife,
But always look for the silver lining,
And then you'll find the sunny side of life."

The following is a poem that I have adopted as my personal creed-

A Prayer For Every Day

Make me too brave to lie or be unkind.
Make me too understanding, too, to mind
The little hurts companions give, and friends,
The careless hurts that no one quite intends.
Make me too thoughtful to hurt others so.
Help me to know....
The inmost hearts of those for whom I care,
Their secret wishes, all the loads they bear,
That I may add my courage to their own.
May I make lonely folks feel less alone,
And happy ones a little happier yet.
May I forget.....
What ought to be forgotten; and recall
Unfailing, all.....
That ought to be recalled, each kindly thing,
Forgetting what might sting.
To all upon my way,
Day after day,
Let me be joy, be hope! Let my life sing!
by Mary Carolyn Davies

I am truly grateful for my life, for the lessons I've learned and for the growth that Heavenly Father has given me. I love the people in my life and it never ceases to amaze me how the people I need at the precise moment I need them enter into my life and leave with me a bit of them. As I become the person I'd like to be, through them, Heavenly Father shapes and molds me. I pray that I may be prepared and worthy for what may lie ahead.

I was reading my journal from the college years and I was so blessed to have such an amazing experience. I was surrounded by some of the best people I've ever known. I grew so much, and I will forever look back on that time as one of the best times in my life. Thank you! :) On May 7th, 2004 I wrote the following thing which is still applicable today, "I've been thinking lately about what truly makes us happy...Now is the time to embrace. Life doesn't always go in the direction that I would like it to go in. And yet, I know I am precisely where I need to be... In the meantime, Love."

It just made my heart happy!

Can Pixar do no wrong? When I first saw the title and the trailer for the movei, "Up" I was a little skeptical. it just didn't seem to be my cup of tea. Boy, was I wrong.

I loved this movie, absolutley loved it. It was hilarious, heart-warming, emotional and clean. And it made my heart very happy. Run, don't walk to the nearest Theatre and see this masterpiece, you'll be glad you did!

Oh if life were made of moments...

I've been thinking lately about what to do in this moment, what to make of it and what I need to learn.

I am full of excuses to not live up to my potential. I have these grand dreams for myself, and I often get distracted and fall short.

But I have been given a gift- right now I have no responsibilities other than myself. And although I LONG for my own family, I am blessed to be alone.

Time to figure things out-

Time to grow-

Time to be healthy-

Time to love others-

Time to learn-

Time to meditate-

Time to breathe-

I am tired of making excuses for myself, making mountains out of molehills- finding problems, drama and conflict all to distract myself from my true goals, all why minutes pass... and I find myself still wandering. Still wanting, still dreaming...

Still waiting.

For what?

I want to be the best I can be, and it is a process. It won't happen overnight, but I need to take advantage of this precious time I have before I become responsible for others.

Time to learn how to be a great mom-

an amazing wife

a daughter of God.

This moment, it's mine.

More teacher wackiness-

I learned a valuable lesson today. Always prepare your lesson beforehand and make sure you go over everything… Today, I have been so wrapped up in getting the one act plays ready to perform tonight that I neglected to get things ready for my speech classes. So, I looked in my filing cabinet and came up with a quick lesson on dream careers which will end with conducting some mock interviews and how to interview for a job.
So, in my 2nd period today we were talking about futures, dream careers, education and salaries. As a part of the class, we looked up salaries on wikianswers.com, we looked up basketball players, pilots, doctors, nurses and the President of the United States . I have a projector in my classroom, and so everything on my computer screen was projected for the entire class to see.
I always try to be a good example to my students, I try very hard to not swear, be negative and treat everyone with respect. But sometimes, I can’t control what happens in my class- So I typed in the question “How much does the President of the United States make?” And this was the answer “he makes a lot more than you b*&#tch” … The class lost control…laughing uproariously…I don’t know if I’ll ever live this down…
Oh wait- there’s more.
At the end of class when I was about to start explaining what they had to do for the mock interviews next time, a student raises his hand and asks, “when are we going to learn about stage combat?” I said, “That’s in Exploratory Drama (this particular student has me for that class also)” Then the whole class yells, “This IS exploratory drama”. Wha??? It is??? Oh crap, I just taught an entire speech lesson to my exploratory drama class! Wow… my brain is fried and there is only four weeks of school left… will I survive?

Another day in the life of a junior high teacher...

I am beyond frustrated. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that so many students are willing to fail…
Example- Last time in class we analyzed Martin Luther King Jr.s “I Have a Dream” speech and then at the end of class the students had 20 minutes to write their own speech. These were the requirements:
-1/2 page long
-In the same “I have a dream” format
- Could be serious or goofy.
Today, they were supposed to give their speeches. Nine students were unprepared. IT DRIVES ME MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How in the world am I supposed to care when they don’t even give a flying leap? I am beyond frustrated. I am afraid I am going to lose it. Why should I care when they don’t! Literally, I cannot comprehend why they would think so little of themselves to allow themselves to fail my stinkin’ easy class! I swear my class is the easiest class to pass; I am so lenient with my grading. Maybe I should just turn into a witch who is no longer a fun teacher, who yells at the kids and makes their lives a living hell. Because kindness and respect seems to get me nowhere with these kids. And then, in the hall I overheard a student bragging about how they have straight F’s… excuse me? Do you realize what that means? It means you are a FAILURE! These kids are bright, they are just so insanely lazy. What do they expect, to have the world handed to them on a silver platter?
I feel sorry for them; sorry for what their future holds if they don’t get their heads out of their delusional self-important clouds of laziness and entitlement. I told my class today that some of them with have amazing futures full or purpose and promise, while some of them will struggle their entire lives, scraping by, because they never acquired a work ethic! I can’t deal with it anymore, I literally feel like I am going insane. Why the hell should I give a rat’s patootie if they don’t?
ARGH, I am soooooooooooo ready for summer!!

Bear ye one another's burdens

A few things:

• I am inherently a positive person, I usually look at the bright side of things and believe the best in people.
• I know the gospel is true.
• I also know that the Lord doesn't give us anything we can't handle, so He will provide a way.

Trials- we all have them, we all have our weaknesses (mine being a tasty pastry, ice cream, chocolate... you get the picture.) Some trials seem more "accepted" while others we dare not even speak about. It's ok to talk about some trials, but others are so taboo. And yet-

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

What does it mean to bear another's burdens? We all have times on our lives where we feel utterly, desperately & completely alone. Why do we feel this way? Often it is because we feel like "no one understands", "my situation is unique". So we brood in silent, self-destructive self pity. Now, I don't know about you, but when I've been in this moment I say to myself, "Kjersti, what are you doing???" Then I usually pull myself up and try to move forward. But how?
By cultivating positive relationships with others. Throughout my life, the Lord has blessed me with some tremendous people who have lifted me when I couldn't lift myself. In other words, they helped me bear my burden.

Which brings me back to the subject of trials. Now, this is not the forum to go into specifics, but recently my eyes have been opened in regard to those who struggle with SSA (same sex attraction.) Now, before this becomes a political debate, this is my opinion based on my personal experiences and A LOT of prayer and study.

A little background- My Dad (who passed away in 2003) led a destructive double-life. On one hand he was the dutiful LDS father with the wife and kids, on the other a full-fledged gay man who died of AIDS. When he died, I struggled to find some meaning in it all. Again, not to go into details, I really struggled with understand him and specifically understanding SSA.

These things I knew-

• The church is true.
• Acting out on homosexual feelings is wrong. (although struggling with SSA DOES NOT make someone unworthy).
• God does not give us anything we can't overcome.
• Therefore, he must be able to provide a way for those who struggle with these feelings to live their lives in accordance with the gospel.

But how? I couldn't quite wrap my brain around it. And with the recent political debates surrounding proposition 8, I stayed strangely quiet. Mostly because I didn't know what to believe anymore. I didn't understand why gay marriage could be all that bad, and yet I knew it was against Heavenly Father's plan, my testimony wavered. Everyone I knew that had ever struggled with SSA eventually gave in, changed their entire lifestyle and slowly drifted out of my life. My heart broke many, many times for these people. And I spent many hours on my knees pleading for understanding. I was about to give up on God, when a still small voice urged me to stop wallowing and move forward. I soon met someone who gave me the insight and understanding I so desperately wanted.
It all came down to one thing, how could a person who struggles with SSA live in accordance with the gospel? It didn't make any sense to me. We all have carnal, "natural man" desires, but as a straight woman, I know that one day I will (hopefully) get married and be able to give into those desires. But if your desires were for the same sex???
I met this amazing person who struggles with SSA. And this person has taught me some invaluable lessons that I believe apply to all of us, regardless of what our struggles are.

• It's all about choice. When we make covenants with our Heavenly Father we choose to follow his path. As my friend has taught me, it is important to keep your eye on the prize (eternal life) rather than focus on momentary pleasures.
• Understanding who you are. We all have our "things" but we are all first and foremost sons and daughters of God with a divine purpose and destiny.
• Bearing one another's burdens. I can't even begin to express what meeting this friend has done for me. This friends has introduced me into a world where people are striving to live Christ-centered lives while still having their struggles. This friend has introduced me to hope.
• The importance of cultivating lasting friendships and relationships.
• There is hope in Christ!!!!

I believe SSA is treated with too much caution that drives these men and women to desperation. We need to stand up for what's right! We need to educate members of the church on how to help and support our brothers and sisters as they strive to do what's right. We need to love more and judge less. How can we stand idly by and watch the world change?

I miss my Dad. I want to honor his memory and help other people like him. He was an amazing man, who gave into his carnal desires that eventually took his life. I will do all that I can to educate others and perhaps help them avoid his tragic fate.

I've often said I live by these two things: Love one another and Judge not lest ye be judged.

"Love one Another" to me this means loving (having respect for) everyone regardless of who they are and what they believe, recognizing that they are Sons & Daughters of God.

"Judge not lest ye be judged" the only person I have control over their actions is myself. I cannot judge anyone else on what they have or haven't done. The only person I can judge is myself, and judge where I will go and who I will be with.

Now, you may or may not agree with what I've said, and that is fine. We all have our own opinions and beliefs. But, I will stand for what I know to be true no matter what.

I am grateful to the numerous people who have shared my burdens with me and I hope that I may be able to return the favor someday. Thanks! :)