Saturday, December 24, 2011

My Christmas Wish

My Christmas wish this year is to be more in tune to the needs of others-
To be a listening ear-
A helping hand-
A shoulder to cry on-
Arms to hold-
A Teacher-
A Friend...
An instrument in the hands of He who is the reason for this season.


To be like Him.
To serve others-
"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." -Matthew 25:40
 

Merry Christmas

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Honoring Choice

The right, the power, the opportunity to choose.
It is interesting to me how small choices govern our lives, and how big choices govern who we become. I was sent a link on facebook where David Archuleta (the singer) announced he was going on a two year mission for the LDS church. I read a few of the comments on the youtube page and although most were positive, there were a few that commented on the 'brain washing' that the church did to compel him to serve a mission. Disregarding the choice he made.
People are always yelling about the 'right to choose', but usually at the expense of other's choices. Instead the seem to be trying to push their agenda, choice and beliefs as the only truth. I am reminded of the words from the 2nd verse of Our Savior’s Love- (My thoughts are in the parenthesis) “The Spirit voice of goodness whispers (the spirit whispers… it doesn’t shout, abuse, threaten, argue… it whispers.) to out hearts -A better choice than evil’s anguished (evil does shout, abuse, threaten…) cries. Loud may the sound of hope (sometimes it’s all we have to hold onto.) ring till all doubt departs (believing in the power of the atonement) - And we are bound to Him, by loving ties (eternity with our Heavenly Father) ”
Honor the choice. And just love-
"But I say unto you which hear, love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you and pray for them which despitefully use you." -Luke 6: 27-28

Saturday, December 17, 2011

And, here it is.

It's been awhile since I've blogged, mostly because I haven't really had much to say. But, seeing as this is basically my journal- I think I should post something. So, if you read this, enjoy. If not, well, that's ok too.

I can't believe 2011 is almost over. I can't believe I am almost 33.

My musical was fantastic. I love, love, LOVE hearing the applause for the kids. I was really proud of this production, it looked awesome (set, hair, costumes etc...) and was SUPER entertaining. I guess I do know what I am doing. Right now I am in the midst of my rehearsals for "See How They Run" which performs in February. The never-ending cycle of being a drama teacher. But, I love it. It's nice to have a job that I enjoy doing, that challenges me and makes some difference in the world.

I've been thinking about my Dad a lot lately, although I am not sure why. I guess it's just more of an emptiness that is always with me. He was about my age when he started making choices that eventually led to his ruin. Little choices, small steps. I guess it's just a reminder that the little choices really do make a big difference. Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if he had made different choices. If he was actually in my life. If I actaully felt like I had a Father. Sometimes I look at Daddy- Daughter relationships and I feel such an ache in my heart, a longing. Oh well.

My lease is up in my apartment at the end of February and they are raising the rent by over $200... so I need to find a new place to live. I am seriously looking into buying a place. I kept saying that I felt too transient to buy a place (because I guess I always thought I'd be buying my first place with my husband, so I kept on holding out for that pipe dream...) But, I have a very permanent job, in a very permanent place and I am tired of dealing with leases and apartment managers. I just pray that I can find the right place with the right price for me.

It hit me a few months ago that I am getting old. That I am truly an adult. It was weird. I now look in the mirror and notice I don't look as young as I once did and it is strange. It is strange to get older.

I still have my goal to run the Disney World half marathon next January (2013) although I have been terrible at working toward my goal. I've just let a lot of things get to me... it's been a really hard past two years. But I need to change, or I never will. I had almost given up hope for things that I really want. But then I realized, if I don't have hope, I have nothing. And that's no way to live.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My Show

The family of my Finch filmed some scenes from my final dress rehearsal- So, if you missed my show, you can see some of it now!















Thursday, November 17, 2011

How to ...

Tonight was opening night for my musical, "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying". And it was AWESOME! The kids had such great energy and everyone loved it! I love my job.
My job is insane, stressful and so time-consuming. But I have moments- moments where I feel like the luckiest person in the entire world. A person who has the opportunity to give kids a chance to shine. And boy do they shine! There is nothing more rewarding than sitting in a darkened theatre and watching your students receive applause, laughter and accolades and knowing that in some way you contributed to that moment.
I know I've talked about this a lot, but I am so blessed to be able to do what I do. It is so rewarding. I got this message from my former student, Michael Retzlaff-
I was sitting in a rehearsal today of a play called, "Twentieth Century" up here at Utah State, taking on the role of Assistant Stage Manager. I was backstage, and looking up into the fly system and the rafters and how tall the stage was. And I was thinking-thinking about how grateful I am that Kjersti Parkes helped to inspire me and always encouraged me. I certainly would not be where I am today, doing what I love, without a great deal of her influence and guidance.

Thank you, Miss Parkes.
 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Taking time to stop and smell the roses

Anyone who knows me knows that this time of year is insanely busy for me. I am in the midst of preparations for my musical. As a high school drama teacher, you wear many different hats other than director. It is truly a miracle when a show is performed. I get so stressed during this time of year, I have so much to do and think about. But, last week, a took a few days off and went to one of my favorite places in the entire world with a very dear friend.
And I visited this charming fellow. I cannot believe how much my nephew has grown! He is so adorable and incredibly smart. It was so hard to leave knowing it might be some time before I will see him again. I LOVE being an Aunt!

I enjoyed Dole Whip with my dear sister-in-law while at the Magic Kingdom!

We met Pluto and became immediate friends!


We celebrated Halloween! (Ben, Luana and Elliott were fruit, it was so fun to be at the parks with them and hear people's reactions to their adorable family! Priceless!)
I was a fruit fly!

And so was my friend, April!

With the most adorable little boy in the world! (And no, I am not biased, I am merely stating the facts.)
All in all, it was a wonderful breath before I came back to the craziness of my life. I think in life it is important to take moments to pause and truly allow yourself to soak in the wonderment that is life. I am sometimes in awe of life. I am in awe of relationships. I am in awe of how blessed I am.
I have an amazing family, I have a fulfilling job, I have wonderful friends and I am making beautiful memories each day.
Yes, as corny as this may be, for me life truly is the roses.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Teachers are Human

I know this may come as a shock, but teachers are indeed human beings.
We do not sleep at the school, we are not insensitive robots and we DO care about you.
There are a lot of you and we have to be fair. So forgive us for being human and imperfect. Forgive us for having emotions, forgive us for not being what you expect us to be, forgive us for our gut reactions to things. Sometimes, like you, we do and say things in the moment that aren't always the best choice.
And to the parents- Your child is not the only child I teach. I try to treat everyone equal, please do not make your child "the exception". If I made everyone the exception, I would go crazy. And guess what- no one would learn anything. And don't threaten to get the administration involved when I do something that your child doesn't agree with; that will not intimidate me.
And to the students- for crying out loud... DO YOUR WORK!! Stop making excuses. Your excuses are just another way of saying that you made a choice to NOT do what is expected of you in class! Be willing to accept the consequences of your actions. Don't go crying to your parents because you failed to do what was required and make it seems like it is all my fault. Learn responsibility, stop going through life half-assed because you want to do the minimum required and expect me to make up the difference.
I do try to be fair. I do try to take your feelings and 'special needs' into consideration. I truly do. I control my temper, I try to validate your feelings, I try to engage you in learning, I make you laugh, I teach you SOMETHING, I try to make you feel loved and safe.
But for heavens sake, cut me some slack. Do you part, and if you don't- be willing to accept the consequences of your actions!
Because, I am not a robot. Do not insult me, belittle me, or make me feel like I am failing.
I am doing my best, but I am only human.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Waiting... Gracefully...

It always seems like we are waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the cookies to be done in the oven, waiting for a boring class to end, waiting for Christmas morning, waiting for Prince Charming, waiting for life to makes sense, waiting to "arrive"... All while we live. Sometimes it seems like we are spending more time waiting rather than just living.
I've learned some things about being a single LDS girl. Growing up in the LDS culture, it seemed as if all of the lessons in Young Womens centered around Temple Marriage. I even remember a lesson in Laurels where the teacher brought a wedding cake, her old wedding memorabilia and we had a 'mock reception' of sorts.
When an LDS gal grows up, she knows her #1 priority is to get married to a returned missionary and start having babies. Now if this doesn't happen right away, she can go to college, but be willing to drop-out at any time to achieve the highest of all degrees... the coveted MRS. And if she has not married by the time she is 21, a mission can be a possibility, but she must be willing to not go if Mr. Right comes along... Since I was 12 years old marriage has been drilled into my conscious and my sub-conscious.
So, my story. At the age of 20 I decided I would serve a mission (unless Mr. Right came along of course). I left at the age of 21 and came home a few months before my 23rd birthday. I remember as I approached the end of my mission that my focus shifted to the idea of marriage. It was the next logical step and I knew it would be happening shortly after my arrival home.
I went to college... I turned the dreaded age of 25... I left BYU-Idaho without the MRS degree (I should've demanded my money back)... I started my career... I turned 30 years old... I was "kicked" out of the Singles Ward... all while waiting for the elusive MRS...
And I am still waiting. But today the word waiting took on a new significance for me. In General Conference Elder Hales gave an especially poignant talk about 'waiting upon the Lord'. I always viewed waiting as a negative word, more like a stagnant lack of progression. Instead, as Elder Hales explained, "In the scriptures the word wait means to hope, to anticipate and to trust. To hope and trust in Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments. And enduring to the end."
Waiting upon the Lord. My advice to the single LDS girl is to be happy and to find joy in the journey. I have learned that Heavenly Father knows me perfectly and as I "wait upon the Lord" there are many experiences to be had, many lives to be touched and things for me to do.
I've learned to never give up hope! I know that as I try to do my best, that the Lord will bless me with what I need. The right time, the right place, the right man...

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Fragility of Life

This has been an interesting week for me. I've been pondering a lot about choices we make and what we choose to make of our time here on Earth.

On Monday morning my Mom called me at 6:00 am- I knew it couldn't be good news because she would never call me at that time. She had called to inform me that Sherri Winder had passed away. Let me back up a little.

I have a dear friend named Nate and Sherri is his Mom. I met Nate through my brothers when they were all in High School together and  became friends with Nate (probably because of our mutual love of Andrew Llyod Webber and classical music). As I spent more time with Nate, I also got to know Sherri. I remember going into her home and  feeling welcome and comfortable. She was one of those Moms who took a genuine interest in the friends of her children. I also immediately loved her and appreciated her warmth and smiles.
As both Nate & I grew up, I still continued to have a relationship with Sherri. We would exchange Christmas greetings and when I started teaching at Valley Jr. High (where many Winder cousins were my students) she and Kent (her husband) would come and support me.
I also loved the conversations we would sometimes share. Two years ago, I visited Nate in Germany. When I came home, I visited with Sherri and shared with her stories of my trip and talked about Nate and his adventures. I stayed until 2 am and the time flew by. The last time I saw Sherri was at my production of "Bye Bye Birdie" at Hunter High School. It meant so much to me that she would support me, after all I was just one of Nate's friends.
Needless to say when I heard the news about Sherri, I was devastated. She was such a beautiful and lovely person who went home way too soon. I also immediately thought of my friend Nate and the Winder family and I felt helpless because I wanted to know how I could help, so I prayed.
As the week went on, I thought about the many times I visited with her. I thought about the many qualities I admired about her. And I thought about how I want to be like her.
She was the type of person who made EVERYONE feel important and validated. It didn't matter your socio-economic status, your beliefs, your idiosyncrasies. Everyone was valued and important. She also remembered the little things, asking about something from a previous conversation, going out of her way to say 'Thank You' or talking with a friend until 2 am. She was fiercely loyal and passionate about her family; she wanted the best for them. She valued the gospel and her membership in the church. She left the world a little bit brighter. I want to be like her.
Last night was the viewing. I waited in line for 2 hours to see the family (I have never seen that many people at a viewing) It was good to see Nate and the rest of the Winder family. I was struck by home many people came and waited to pay their respects.
Today was the funeral. I didn't really cry at the viewing, but from almost the moment I stepped into the church I started crying. I was just overwhelmed by the whole experience. Again, so many people were there, it was incredible! The service was so beautiful, personal and yet applicable to all in attendance. I know Sherri loved it. Nate composed a song for his Mom entitled, "Dances". It was so perfect. It was almost like you could hear her in the song.
I am so grateful I was able to attend. And more than that, I am so grateful that Sherri is my friend. She has touched my life.
I also have thought a lot this week about life in general. It is so precious. Loving each other is the most important thing we can do. Dedication to family, faith, commitments and community are so important. I also took some time this week to do some self-assessment. I need to be a better person. I need to be more open to the needs of others. I need to try to not be so selfish.
I want others to feel important, loved and validated.

"Let me be joy, be hope
Let my life sing!"

I will miss my friend Sherri.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

In Remembrance

10 Years ago, life as we knew it changed.
It was a beautiful September morning and I was walking from choir rehearsal (I was in Sounding Joy, the Institute show choir) to my 2nd class at Salt Lake Community College (I had recently returned from my mission to Dallas, TX two months previously and was taking a few classes before I headed up to BYU-I in January.)
I remember there was an eerie stillness in the air.
When I walked into the building, everyone was quiet and staring at the TV screens, the first plane had hit moments before. My feet were rooted to the ground as I saw the 2nd plane hit, then the tower fell, and finally the other tower fell. I felt horror shake my body as I struggled to cope with what I was witnessing. I felt shock, disbelief and intense sadness.
I don't remember much else from that day except seeing all the flags at half mast and bursting into tears.
I had been to NYC in 1998 and had been on top of the World Trade Building. And now, in an instant, that massive building was gone and along with it thousands of voices were silenced.

September 11th is my brother Ben's birthday. He turned 21 that day, and was waiting to come home from his mission in Independence, Missouri. A few years after 9/11, BYU-I performed the play, "Hole in the Sky" which was based on the attacks on 9/11. I ran the lights and did tech for the show and my brother Ben played a beautiful character named Sal, who was a window washer on the side of the building. I have never seen my brother do a finer acting job. Every night he brought me to tears with his closing monologue, every night he filled me with hope and every night I remembered. 
"So that is all for Sal. Over the side with him. Yet I am not sad... because Sal, eh? Sal is everywhere..."
In 1996, Ben and I were in a car accident that changed our lives forever. It was a week after his 16th birthday and we were on out way to a Granite Youth Symphony Rehearsal when a woman from out of nowhere turned left right in front of my car. I tried to swerve to miss her, but she hit the car directly behind the driver's seat and then we hit a pole head on.
Miraculously, we all lived. Even more miraculously, Ben who had been in the middle of the back seat and had suffered the worst injuries lived. I sometimes think back to that day when I was 'this close' to losing my brother.
I am so blessed to have the siblings that I do. And I am especially blessed to have Ben as my brother. We served our missions at the same time, so we wrote weekly. We went to BYU-I and spent Playmill together where we were in numerous productions and became the best of friends.
And as I spend today grateful for my family, grateful for my friends and grateful for my amazing brother. My heart goes out to the countless families who are missing someone they love today. May we all take a moment and be grateful for the love in our lives.
So, Happy Birthday Ben and may we always remember.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Just Love




There is a website, www.wordle.net where you can put in words to form a collage. Well, I put my blog into wordle and this was the result.

FINALLY!

I teach this class at the high school called media productions. It is a class where we film, edit and produce the school news, X-Works and then upload them daily to youtube for the school to view.
Last year when I started, the class would fight me when I wanted them to make it more creative and entertaining. Sometimes it was ok, but by the end of the year, I had given up.
This year they listen! Here is my favorite episode thus far! (If you don't want to watch the entire thing, my favorite part starts at around 4:40)
FINALLY!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Job Hazards

So, I just cast the musical, "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying". The main character, Finch has to kiss two girls in the play. (Well, actually one kisses him and he kisses the other one.) The guy who is playing Finch has never kissed anyone in his life and is sweet and innocent. Anyway, my question is this- their first rehearsal is the two of them and just me. Should I have them kiss on that first rehearsal and just get it over with? Or should I have them kiss when we block the scene but in front of many others? What do you think?
Oh the hazards of being a drama teacher! I bet accountants don't have to worry about this sort of thing...
Also, today in my advanced class- we did this- ENJOY!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Why I do what I do.

So, I am now in the 2nd week of this school year and man is it hot! The above picture is the temperature in my classroom... I don't think I get paid nearly enough. They had installed air conditioning in the spring, but unfortunately it won't be working until mid October at the earliest.
But it's ok, because I really do love what I do.
I am also in the middle of the auditions for the musical. Monday and Tuesday were vocal/acting auditions and today was the dance auditions. I have a great new choreographer and I am excited to see her in action. As I was watching the kids learn and perform the dance routine, I took a moment to just let it all soak in. Watching their faces, seeing their interactions, laughing at their quirks.
I love the process of putting a show together- even though it is CRAZY stressful- it is all worth it. Auditions are hard because I know no matter what I do that feelings will be hurt. But, that's the name of the game. It is so hard for me to post a cast list. I put it on the door, then I go and hide because I can't bear to see the disappointed reactions.
But seeing the kids who are different, the kids who don't fit, the kids who are so amazingly talented, the kids who are sad, the kids who need a friend, the kids who just need to be lifted... that is why I do what I do.
So here's to an amazing new year!


Thursday, August 4, 2011

Embracing the "Crazy"

Ladies, ladies, ladies. We are a crazy bunch. Do you ever have a time when you are having a crazy, irrational, emotional thought that you know makes no sense and yet it seems so real to you? So you ruminate and mull over the thought which sometimes leads to acting in a way that you normally would avoid. (And hormones certainly don't help- is it just me, or have you found that the older you get, the more your hormones are out of whack?)
I do. Not often, but when I do I am crazy. I get emotional, I make mountains out of molehills and I feel terrible.
I am crazy.
Last year I had a group of my male students come and ask me advice about girls. I listened to their stories, fascinated by the fact that their concerns were the same ones that still exist in my group of friends. (Wasn't I supposed to be older and wiser?) After they had finished, they all looked at me with eager anticipation for me to dispense my sage advice. This is what I said, "Women are crazy and Men are clueless."
Women are always thinking a million different thoughts.
Yep.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Dating...
So... yeah...
Why is it that it seems like everyone has success in dating but me? (I realize this isn't a true statement, but sometimes it feels that way.)  A few years ago the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" was all the rage. I had heard about it and wanted to read it. Luckily on Christmas morning my sister gave it me as a gift. After I unwrapped the present, she placed her hand lovingly on my knee and said, "Don't be offended, but I think you need this."
Recently I've been talking relationships a lot with my friends. Married, single, dating- pretty much everyone because I really want to figure this out. I've always hid behind the fat excuse. But fat people get married too! I have a friend who I worked with my first year at Valley. She was probably 350+ lbs but was actively dating on some LDS sites. That year she met and married her husband who didn't care about her size and now she lives in Idaho with her husband and super cute daughter. That was a huge realization for me. So what is it about me that broadcasts undateable? (Now, don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or sad that I am not dating, I am really just trying to figure it all out.)
Here is my classic story that has been true in almost all the situations where I like a guy... (There have been a few variations but it has basically been the same theme repeatedly.)
When I was a teenager I got it my mind that I wanted to marry my best friend. So every time I liked a guy, I made sure that he became my best friend. I never really learned how to flirt, and my meager attempts at flirtations are in a way, laughable. Anyway so here's the cycle...
I meet a guy, I think he is cute/interesting/a great potential Father to my children (just kidding about the last one...) So, depending on how brave I feel or whatever circumstances arise I get to know him. I am genuinely interested in him and what he has to say. I am usually pretty open and we laugh easily. Soon we are spending time together, and are learning even more about each other. I start thinking... yes! This is so fun and even though he isn't putting the moves on me, it's obvious he likes me because he is spending so much time with me. Then the reality sinks in a variety of ways- he tells me about another girl he is interested in and wants advice, we end up talking about 'us' and we have the dreaded 'just friends' talk or he realizes that I am interested in him and starts acting aloof. Or he tells me he is gay. And I end up alone, crying into the darkness and wondering what in the world I could've done differently, how I could have been so blind, and why in the world the pattern has repeated yet again.
So...yeah...
Yesterday I started reading the book "Love in 90 days". It talks about how if we were looking for employment we put all our energy and resources into finding a job. And yet, when it comes to love, we seem to take the mentality that love will find us. And so we live our lives, but don't really put forth much effort into making things happen for ourselves. I thought that was pretty interesting.
A year and a half ago I "graduated" from the singles ward. I've tried the online dating thing a few times but have never found success or interest. It has become so easy to adopt the mentality that I am just going to live my life and be happy and the Lord will provide. And if I need to do something different that Heavenly Father will guide me. Oh, and I am really sick of being sad and feeling rejected. Oh, and I have a lot of fear.
So... yeah...
In the book I am reading it talks about joining social groups to meet men, effective online dating and how to avoid deadly dating traps. (By the way if anyone is interested I fall into the following deadly traps: Just Buddies Trap and Jealousy Trap.) The book has overwhelmed me. It is A LOT of work! It talks about where you want to be in five years... ten years... fifteen years. My biggest fear is that I will be a cat lady living all alone, never knowing what it means to have someone love me.
Anyway, I guess my point is- what worked for you? What is your dating advice? I sincerely don't even know where to begin. It's so interesting to teach high school and watch teenage dating in full swing. IT'S SO SIMPLE. When did it become so complicated?
Anyway, if you have any words of wisdom, please let me know.
So... yeah...

Sunday, July 31, 2011

My other love...

is baking and cooking. I love it! I love it when I find a new recipe and I share it with my friends and family! I love the looks on their faces and the "Mmmmmm" that inevitably escapes from their lips!
So, I would like to share with you THREE, yes THREE of my top/favorite recipes!They are: (drum roll please...)

Key Lime Mousse Pie
Caramelized Onion, Mushroom and Gruyere Quiche
&
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake

Guaranteed to make your friends and family grateful that they know you!



Key Lime Mousse Pie

Crust:
2 cups ground gingersnap cookies (abt. 38 cookies)
2 tablespoons sugar
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Filling:
6 tablespoons Key Lime Juice or fresh lime juice
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
2 1/2 cups chilled heavy whipping cream
9 oz. good-quality white chocolate
3 8 oz packages cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons grated lime zest

For Crust: Combine ground cookies and sugar in a food processor. Add melted butter and process until moist clumps form. Press mixture into bottom and 1 inch up sides of a 10 inch spring form pan.

For Filling: Place lime juice in a bowl and add gelatin, mix together with a fork and set aside. Bring 1/2 cup cream to simmer in a medium saucepan. Remove from heat and add chocolate. Stir mixture until chocolate is melted and smooth, then stir in gelatin mixture. Cool slightly. Using electric mixer, beat cream cheese, sugar and lime zest in a large bowl. Slowly beat in white chocolate mixture.

Using clean, dry beater, beat remaining 2 cups heavy whipping cream in another large bowl until peaks form. Fold whipping cream into white chocolate mixture. Pour filling into prepared crust. Cover and refrigerate overnight. THEN ENJOY!

Caramelized Onion, Mushroom and Gruyere Quiche

Crust:
Cooking spray
3/4 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons cold, unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
3 tablespoons cold, lowfat buttermilk

Filling:
4 teaspoons olive oil
1 large onion, sliced thinly into half moons
8 ounces sliced mixed mushrooms, such as cremini, oyster, shiitake
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme leaves (or 1 teaspoon dry)
3 large eggs
3 egg whites
1 cup evaporated fat-free milk (not condensed milk)
2/3 cup grated Gruyere cheese (about 1-ounce)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Spray a 9-inch pie dish with cooking spray.
To prepare the crust, put the oats, flour and salt in the bowl of a food processor and pulse 3 times to combine. Add the butter and pulse about 12 times, until you get a pebbly course texture. Add the buttermilk and pulse 3 to 5 times more to combine. Form the mixture into a ball and place it between 2 large pieces of waxed paper. Roll out into a circle about 10 inches in diameter.

Remove the top sheet of waxed paper. Transfer the crust, still on the other piece of waxed paper to the pie dish, then remove the waxed paper from the top. Press the crust gently into the dish. Bake for 9 minutes, then let cool.

To prepare the filling, heat 2 teaspoons of oil in a large nonstick pan over a medium-low heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until golden brown and caramelized, about 20 minutes. Transfer the onions to a bowl. Add the remaining 2 teaspoons of oil to the pan and heat over a medium-high heat. Add the mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally, until they have released their water and begin to brown, about 6 minutes. Add the onions back to the pan, stir in the salt, pepper, mustard and thyme.

In a medium bowl whisk together the eggs, egg whites and evaporated milk.

Sprinkle the cheese into the pie crust. Top with the mushroom-onion mixture and pour the egg mixture on top. Reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees F. Bake for 35 minutes or until knife inserted in the middle comes out clean. Let stand for 5 minutes before cutting into 6 wedges and serving.

VARIATION: For those who HATE mushrooms (you know who you are) simply substitute bacon for the mushrooms!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake
Cake:
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, preferably Dutch process
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup neutral vegetable oil, such as canola, soybean or vegetable blend
1 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups water
2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 eggs

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter the bottoms and sides of three 8-inch round cakepans. Line the bottom of each pan with a round of parchment or waxed paper and butter the paper.

Sift the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt into a large bowl. Whisk to combine them well. Add the oil and sour cream and whisk to blend. Gradually beat in the water. Blend in the vinegar and vanilla. Whisk in the eggs and beat until well blended. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and be sure the batter is well mixed. Divide among the 3 prepared cake pans. Bake for 30- 35 minutes. (These cakes are very, very soft. I found them a lot easier to work with after firming them up in the freezer for 30 minutes. They’ll defrost quickly once assembled. You’ll be glad you did this, trust me.)

To frost the cake, place one layer, flat side up, on a cake stand or large serving plate. Spread 2/3 cup cup of the Peanut Butter Frosting evenly over the top. Repeat with the next layer. Place the last layer on top and frost the top and sides of the cake with the remaining frosting. (Once the cake is fully frosted, it helps to chill it again and let it firm up. The cooler and more set the peanut butter frosting is, the better drip effect you’ll get from the Chocolate-Peanut Butter Glaze.)

To decorate with the Chocolate–Peanut Butter Glaze, put the cake plate on a large baking sheet to catch any drips. Simply pour the glaze over the top of the cake, and using an offset spatula, spread it evenly over the top just to the edges so that it runs down the sides of the cake in long drips. Refrigerate, uncovered, for at least 30 minutes to allow the glaze and frosting to set completely. Remove about 1 hour before serving.

Peanut Butter Frosting:
Makes about 5 cups
10 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
1 stick (4 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperature
5 cups confectioners’ sugar, sifted
2/3 cup smooth peanut butter, preferably a commercial brand (because oil doesn’t separate out)

In a large bowl with an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese and butter until light and fluffy. Gradually add the confectioners’ sugar 1 cup at a time, mixing thoroughly after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl often. Continue to beat on medium speed until light and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes.
Add the peanut butter and beat until thoroughly blended.

Chocolate-Peanut Butter Glaze:
Makes about 1 1/2 cups
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
3 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
1/2 cup half-and-half

In the top of a double boiler or in a bowl set over simmering water, combine the chocolate, peanut butter, and corn syrup. Cook, whisking often, until the chocolate is melted and the mixture is smooth.
Remove from the heat and whisk in the half-and-half, beating until smooth. Use while still warm.


THE FINISHED PRODUCT!!
Enjoy these recipes... and you're welcome!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

You're Kind of a Big Deal

Sometimes I look at the world around me and get overwhelmed by all the negativity. There is so much hate, disrespect, selfishness, the list goes on and on. People are belittled, cut down, made to feel so small and insignificant. And why? Just so someone else can feel selfishly better. People, we are not in a giant competition to crown the winner of life. We are all here with our strengths and weaknesses, all good at different things with different talents...
Which brings me to my personal philosophy- everytime I think a positive thought, have a fond memory about someone or find something to admire in someone I share it with them. However insignificant or corny it may be. And I will tell you first hand that those positive thoughts have the power to change the world.
Now, I am not perfect I'm this, sometimes I am witch and sometimes I can be uncaring. But overall I try really hard to live by this philosophy. It is so much more powerful to build than to tear. And by doing this, I believe we can change the world. Because we all need to be reminded that we are amazing and really are kind of a big deal!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Why I love Snape

Now, if you haven't read or seen all of the Harry Potter series then I suggest you stop reading right now- RUN to your nearest library and devour the books.

A few words about Snape- he is unlikable, cold, unattractive, and basically an all around bad guy. There was still something about him that intrigued me.

Even when Snape killed Dumbledore at the end of book 6, I still didn't believe he was as evil as he appeared. There always seemed to be more to his story and his character.

"Alan Rickman as Severus Snape: Probably the most fascinating figure in the Potter world because of his shifting alliances and an emotional depth that's unexpected given his icy demeanor. Rickman is captivating in the role, with his droll, deadpan delivery that oozes condescending menace. A half-blood wizard, Snape has been a minion of the evil Lord Voldemort as well as an ally of Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore. He's served as the intimidating Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and eventually headmaster himself but he's also been a protector of Harry. Snape bullies his students but he also reveals his bravery, and in this final film, a flashback that explains his history with the young wizard provides one of its most poignant scenes.-By CHRISTY LEMIRE, AP Movie Critic

Yes, Snape is not the most sympathetic character. He did some very dark things. But, in the end, love motivated everything that he did. Lily Potter was his best friend and  in the end he sacrificed everything for her son. He did everything for her. He experienced unrequited love. A love that is very one-sided and can often leave those who feel those feelings alone and in despair. But, no matter, he still loved her. And his final actions exemplified his love. He could've let the fact that Lily chose James over him motivate him to ruin her family and her. He could've really been Voldemort's right hand man. Instead he sacrificed himself for a love that would never be reciprocated...


"I – I come with a warning – no, a request – please – ”
“The – the prophecy … the prediction … Trelawney …”
“Everything – everything I heard!” said Snape. “That is why – it is for that reason – he thinks it means Lily Evans!”
“You know what I mean! He thinks it means her son, he is going to hunt her down – kill them all – ”
~~~
“I have – I have asked him – ”
“You disgust me,” said Dumbledore, and Harry had never heard so much contempt in his voice. Snape seemed to shrink a little, “You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?”
Snape said nothing, but merely looked up at Dumbledore.
“Hide them all, then,” he croaked. “Keep her – them – safe. Please.”
“And what will you give me in return, Severus?”
“In – in return?” Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, “Anything.”
~~~
The hilltop faded, and Harry stood in Dumbledore’s office, and something was making a terrible sound, like a wounded animal. Snape was slumped forward in a chair and Dumbledore was standing over him, looking grim.
“I thought … you were going … to keep her … safe …”
“DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone … dead …”
“I wish … I wish I were dead …”
“What – what do you mean?”
“He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone – ”
There was a long pause, and slowly Snape regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last he said, “Very well. Very well. But never – never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear … especially Potter’s son … I want your word!” 

Some may argue that Snape was selfish and a coward. Perhaps this is true. But isn't that true at times of even the best of us? I just love how his story ends. I love the unlikely, unlovable hero.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Beauty

So, like the rest of the world I am somewhat enamored with William and Kate. I also love fashion, but I dislike how most fashion icons are immodest. Not Kate. I realize it may have something to do with her royal title, but I think it is setting a new standard for beauty. In a world that thinks these dresses are the standard for beautiful (And I admit they are pretty, but show way too much skin-)
Then enter Kate-




Classy and beautiful. I love it.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Seems to be my lot in life

This post is just for me. I may eventually publish it, but right now it is just for me.
True love is selfless, true love is trusting, true love is wanting them to be happy. Even if it means letting them go.

In the movie, "My Best Friend's" Wedding there is a scene at the end where the happy couple is leaving and Julia Roberts is lost in the crowd and she is trying to get to her best friend to say goodbye. Then he appears out of nowhere, embraces her, and then leaves her alone.

That girl is me. The girl who is always saying goodbye. The girl who makes sure that everyone feels loved.

I remember when my best friend from high school got married. When I got home from my mission, he was dating the girl that eventually became his wife. I knew he was going to marry her the moment I met her. She was just perfect for him. I remember being in the Temple with them, helping decorate their car at the reception, and bidding them goodbye when they drove away. I also was in love with my best friend for six years. And even in that moment, a part of me still loved him. But, I knew I was not the right choice for him and I loved the choice he had made. Part of me still loves him. He was my best friend.

I am so sick of having to learn this lesson over and over and over again. I just keep hoping that someday someone will choose me. Someone who is the absolute best for me. Someone who will be so ecstatic that we are together.

So, I won't tell you how much I love you and how much I want to be the one you choose. Instead I will give my blessing to you. Instead I watch you choose someone else. And I am happy for your happiness. And I realize it's still so preliminary, but I think it's just a sign for things to come.

I've known you forever, and I figure if you wanted me, you would've chosen me by now.

So, no matter what, I know I will be ok. And I am beyond grateful for your friendship. You have been a rock in my life, you have done so much for me and I will always love you. And I will always have your back.

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you
Just get on the phone, I got you
Come and pick you up if I have to.

What's weird about it
We're right at the end
Ain't mad about it
Just figured out in my head
I'm proud to say- I got you.

Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright 
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better or worse
I got you.


Ain't falling apart or bitter
Let's be bigger than that and remember
The cooling outdoor when you're all alone
Won't survive it, no drama, no need for a show
Just wanna say I got you.


Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright 
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better or worse
I got you.

'Cause this is love and life
And nothing we can both control
And if it don't feel right
You're not losing me by letting me know


Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better, for worse I got you

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you

-Leona Lewis "I Got You"


I'll be alright.

Intertwined

Walking along the path of life, two friends meet. Deciding to no longer walk alone, they join for a moment. And in that moment a lifetime passes. They eventually part, promising to keep in touch but not sure how to do it. They walk alone again, carrying the memory of the friend, forever changed. They meet another and another and another... each person bringing them a little bit of who they are. Some lift, some hurt, some leave, some stay.

Chance?

Kindness. Understanding.

Each person I've met has left a bit of them with me. For this I am grateful. Grateful for the kindred spirits, the ones who have tossed me aside, the ones who have humored me, the ones who have hurt me, the ones who have believed in me, the ones who have held me, the ones who have left me, the ones who I have let down, the ones who have trusted me, the ones who have danced with me, the ones who have changed me...       You and I.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Musings at One A.M.

In the mood to write. But I am unsure of what this post will become, so enjoy the journey.
I just saw the movie "Midnight in Paris" and loved it. Loved it. I loved revisiting the beautiful sights of Paris and the witty dialogue throughout the movie.
I am an incurable romantic.
I am mystified by love. I am fascinated by how love moves and defines people. I marvel at how people will move mountains for love.
I sometimes feel like I am an observer (more than a participant) of the human experience. I am constantly watching how people interact and noticing the intricacies of life. Then I bring those observations to my students, because when it comes right down to it- EVERYTHING is driven by emotion, and the most powerful emotions are love and hate (the absence of love), ergo everything is driven by love.
Which brings me back to the romantic in me. Last week my friend read my palm. Now, I am not sure if I am a believer in that sort of thing, but I believe most things are based in truth. She said some rather generic things, but also some things that hit home for me. Upon reading my palm, a sad look crossed her face for a moment when she said, "Oh you have a lot of heartbreak." I simply nodded and shrugged.
Heartbreak. The story of this particular romantic.
Some people, when they have their hearts broken, build an impenetrable wall that no one would even dare enter. Not me. The wall around my heart is more like an unassuming hedge with flowers on it. People can come and go as they please. But, I still love them all. Sometimes I try to build a wall, but I find it is too hard for me. And so I just love. And, yes, my heart becomes broken. But every time there is someone that helps it to heal. And so my poor little mended heart continues to beat. And I continue to wonder how one finds love. The love the poets, songwriters, and playwrights felt.
Or is love just life?
"Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it’s never enough
It’s wonderful to fall
It’s worth of risking all
Even if it hurts just a little too much
I’d rather love just a little too much…"
-Natasha Bedingfield
I often wonder why I have this capacity to love when love itself seems to have eluded me. What would it be like to have someone want to move mountains for me? I wonder. And I wonder if this is merely wishful thinking that has been spoon fed to me my whole life through stories... And yet, those stories had to be based in some sort of reality?
I would much rather love with all my heart and have it broken then never love at all. 
Besides, I love to love. Love in all forms. It's just who I am.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Power of Perseverance

The art of getting up after falling. The joy of moving forward. The peace of forgiving yourself for mistakes.

Feeling much better. Had a great workout today. Feeling optimistic.

Learning to let go, learning to love, learning to live.

One step at a time.

And just because I love this-

Sunday, July 3, 2011

And then life happens...

So, after my last post I was super pumped about starting my new path and making the changes. Then life happened... About a week ago I had the worst flu known to man. I seriously had not been that sick for many, many years. It was all I could do to go from the bed to the bathroom and back... ugh. So recovering from that took awhile. Right after my illness (while I was still recovering) I went to a theatre teacher conference in Cedar City. The whole time I was there I was in the worst mood. I still was feeling crappy and I felt like there weren't any workshops for me. (There were a lot that involved physical movement and I just wasn't up to that yet.) In addition, all your meals were provided so my eating drastically changed, plus I was still reeling from being sick.
After three days I cam home and went to the last two nights of "Scarlet Pimpernel". I had been helping with wigs, hair and such. It was so much fun and I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of it. But that also meant REALLY really late nights at the Belgian Waffle Inn...
So, yesterday- I attempted a run. I could only do 1.5 miles before I felt like passing out.
I've lost 0.5 lbs which I guess is something.
I am just in a defeatist mood tonight. I feel like crap. I had awesome momentum and then life happened. I feel bloated and gross and just blah. And I feel like I've set way too high of a goal for myself.
Sorry to be a negative nancy, I'm just in a craptacular mood.
I've tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed... SO MANY TIMES!!
Why should now be different?
I really want it to be.
Making changes is HARD!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Progression

This last year has been a doozy. I went through a lot emotionally, spiritually and physically. I am grateful for the things I learned but I am ready to start the next chapter in my life.
I know before on this blog I have talked about my struggles with weight... it seems to be a never-ending theme for my life. I do well for awhile, but then I fall back into my old habits so easily. And then I stagnate... and stagnate. Constantly wishing things would get better, giving half-hearted attempts to change, but being stuck in my content stagnate state. Being happy, but not really being fulfilled. And not progressing in many ways. Holding myself back from the life that I should have and so desperately want. But what am I willing to do?
So, I decided to set a HUGE goal for myself. One, that right now, seems very unattainable.
It all started when my good friend Cameron decided to run a half marathon last year. Because I wasn't around Cameron very much, I didn't really hear about it until after he had done it. I was very inspired by his dedication and the fact that he just DID it. When Cameron moved to Utah and we began spending a lot of time together, he told me about his decision to do the race and the training that was involved. I was seriously in awe, and I began to think maybe I could do something like that too. (Even though there was this voice in the back of my head saying, yeah right... fat girls don't do this kind of thing.) I sort of mentioned to Cameron that I was thinking about maybe doing a 10K or something and without hesitation he told me I could do it. That meant a lot to me. So, I started thinking maybe I could do it. I have run a few 5Ks, but they are pretty easy. And then I thought, why not set an even bigger goal for myself. One that would seem impossible to attain but also something that I know I could do.
And I feel it's important to share it with all of you to give myself a sense of accountability.
Something that would undoubtedly change my life.
So, here it is- in January 2013 for my 34th birthday I will run the Disney World marathon.
Whew, there it is! It is now on the internet so it has to be true!!
And a special thank you to all who believe that I can reach my goal. I've told a few people that I want to do this and I have been met with nothing but encouragement and positive affirmations. Thank you so much for believing in me.
Each journey begins  one step at a time...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I just love this



I love dancing. And I love this, enjoy.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Sweatpants Society

Last Friday was the high school graduation. I was assigned to monitor a door and keep an eye on the audience and confiscate any air horns or other outlawed items. Being at my perch it gave me a prime opportunity for some good, old-fashioned people watching.

It was fascinating.

Now, a graduation is a pretty formal occasion. A milestone in a life. A time to dress up a little bit.

And yet, many people were wearing jeans and quite a few were in sweatpants... Seriously??? When did that become acceptable? Sometimes I wished I lived in a time where people always dressed up for occasions. Men wore dapper suits and hats and women looked feminine and put together at all times. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good run to the store looking like... well... let's just say not looking my best. But I hate how this mentality has crept into the important and formal events of life.

Going to a wedding but have spent all day in the garden? Who cares! Just wear that grass, sweat stained outfit! Seeing a play in the evening, but doing housework all day? Don't fret! Just wear those sweats down to the theatre, no one will think twice!

How you dress reflects how you feel about the occasion. That's why we dress up. It's shows respect for the occasion and the people with whom you are sharing the moment.
But, alas, we live in a sweatpants society...

Monday, May 23, 2011

Entrances and Exits

"All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players.
They each have their entrances and their exits..."
-William Shakespeare

Tonight was the Drama Club Awards for my students. And thus it ends. I have about 7 more days of school and then my first year teaching high school will be a distant memory. I am no stranger saying goodbye to students, but it is always an interesting experience.

Singing "Some Things are Meant to Be" with Sarah, I adore this girl. She is amazing.

I will miss them, they have certainly kept me entertained over the past months.


This is Kyle, so talented!
I wonder what the future holds for them. I wonder how many of them will do theatre in some way. I wonder how many of them will remember the lessons taught, or the feelings felt. I wonder how many will see their dreams come true, feel incredible heartbreak, and loss. I wonder what they will think when they look back on their senior year. Although at times, it has been hard, I am beyond grateful that I played a small role.

Friday, May 20, 2011

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet

I LOVE my name. I mean, c'mon it is an epic name- Kjersti Adeline Oda Parkes. I love it.I love that my initals could be a radio station, "You are listening to KAOP your station for the latest hits..." (Once it was a radio station, in the 4th grade when I made tapes as a DJ... but I digress).

As cool as my name is, it is constantly being butchered. I've heard every possible pronunciation of my name that is in existence. When people first meet me, I tell them to not look at the spelling, just to remember it is pronunced Chairstee (like a chair you sit on, then you add stee, I've recited this so many times that I've now heard other people recite it when they are introducing me to new people.) This usually works. Except now... The school year is almost over and some of the secretaries at the school mis-prononce my name. I am positive that I told them the correct pronunciation to begin with, but now they must have forgotten. Do I correct them or just go on being Keerstee? Or Kristen? Or whatever?

C'mon it's like a chair you sit on and add stee!

I love my name, I love that it makes me ethnic (albeit in a Scandinavian way). But do I go on having it butchered?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mixed Feelings

Into the Woods opens tomorrow. I am glad I will have my time back. I am just trying to enjoy the moment. I hope they know how much I truly care. It is wonderful to watch others shine, sometimes it is such a process to get to that moment. And here we are, and in a few days all that will be left are memories. And in a few weeks, these kids will graduate. And life goes on...