The Ramblings of a Random Mind

So I leave for Europe tomorrow and I am staying up late tonight and getting up really early tomorrow morning in an effort to force myself into sleeping on the plane.
I don't sleep well on planes, I am often quite amusing after red-eye flights... But I want to be awake and alert when I get to Paris, because, hey it's PARIS!
So this is my plan-
1- Go to bed at midnight (in about 20 minutes)
2- Get up at 6:30 am
3- Work out at 7 and train with my personal trainer at 8
4- Run around like a crazy person all day making sure I have all my bases covered
5- Flight leaves at 4:40 pm
6- Dinner will probably be around 6
7- FALL ASLEEP AFTER DINNER!!!!!
8- Arrive in Paris at 11:25 am (3 am Salt Lake Time) rested...

IT WILL WORK!!!

Also, another thought. I HATE it when I do and say things that are unnecessary and cause unnecessary drama and conflict. Why can't I just chill out sometimes? I am so stubborn and emotional and have this annoying habit of being selfish at times. ARGH! Then the moment passes and perspective sets in and I feel foolish. You'd think that I'd have learned this lesson by now, the world does not revolve around MY whims. Blarg!

Another thought, I AM GOING TO EUROPE! Wha? It's a moment I've ALWAYS dreamed about and I am actually doing it! CA-RAZY!!!!!

I am really tired... I hope my plan doesn't backfire and I am THAT much more tired in Paris. Tylenol pm will hopefully be my friend.

Sometimes I wish life had a rewind button...

I got a masters degree... from the streets!

Oh, how I love random conversations!

Tonight my friends Sarah, Wendi & I were heading downtown on trax to go see Amy perform at a concert at the Brigham Young Park (which, by the way her performance was AMAZING!) when we met an awesome man, a sage if you will- reminiscent of the wise men who sit on tops of mountains waiting to impart his wisdom on the masses...

So there we were, unaware of the wise man who would soon grace us with his presence. He was friendly enough, recently relocated from Chicago because apparently the job market is better in Salt Lake.

Sarah & I were talking about working out and I had mentioned how I was sore because of the workout I had received Monday at the hands of my trainer to which the sage interjected, "Girl, what do you mean he worked you out?" I proceeded to explain to him what it meant and he said, "Girl why you wanna get strong?" To which Sarah said, "Well to be healthy and working out can help prevent osteoporosis."
"Girl, I ain't no college graduate, but I got a master's degree from the streets. And I'll tell you one thing, it is what it is, if you gonna get muscularperosis, it's genetics there ain't nothing you can do about it, it is what it is."

Word.

Loving means letting go.

When a mother bird lets her babies fly for the first time, I have to wonder if she has any worries. "What if they fall? Maybe it isn't time? Maybe if I hold on to them tightly...." Instead, she just lets them fly. Then they soar... She has to let them go, and although it may be hard, she lets go.

Recently this concept of letting go has been pounded in my head. It is so hard for me to let go sometimes because I am so afraid of not having control, because it means that things won't work out according to my plan... it means holding so tightly that those I hold cannot fly...

I was also thinking about the perfect love that Heavenly Father has for his children. A love that is without boundaries, that is all encompassing, that is perfect. And how does Heavenly Father show his love? He lets his children go, he lets them grow, he doesn't control them, he lets them make their own decisions, even though he knows not all will return to his presence. Perfect love means letting go-

It's not just pulling someone very near.

It's having faith instead of fear.

It's not how we hold on but how we grow.

It's standing by and letting go...

You take that chance

You let them go.

Letting go means loving yourself. I know for me, the reason I hold on so tightly is rooted in my own insecurities. We all have had so many things that have shaped our lives, happiness, tragedy, unresolved feelings... and we have to let go to be able to love and receive love. Show love to yourself, let it go.

People come, people go- some stay for a moment, some for a lifetime, some forever... Although I wish I could control that- I can't, I have to let it go. And by so doing, I will be able to soar.

Learn to let go.

Just be

I just got off the phone with my brother Ben and he said this to me, "This may sound cheesy, but You may never know when things are going to work out the way you'd like them to, but you can take comfort in the fact that you are one day closer than you were yesterday." Yes, it was cheesy, but it made sense.
We can think, over-analyze and cling until we have nothing left or we can just be.

Updates!

I Looooooove sleeping in!!!!! But it is a bad habit to get myself into. Summers. One of the greatest perks of being a teacher!
So what is my focus for the summer, ME! I went into 24 hour fitness a few days ago and got a gym membership and a personal trainer named Todd. Who just might very well give me the "beating of my life". I need it. I need some outside motivation. I think one of the hard things about me is that I have gotten complacent. I'm not "too fat" and therefore, eh.... BUT, I want to be the best that I can be and be healthy. So, here goes!
Also, some students wrote some notes on facebook that made my heart happy! Here are some excerpts-

Briana wrote the 1st one-
"Ms. Parkes-You were the greatest!! Theater was only fun because you helped me discover the magic in acting. I love you so much! Thank you for casting me as the main roles in eighth and ninth grade! I had such a blast and I will definitely miss you. Confidence was only one of the many things that I learned while being in the four plays/musicals. You definitely made it wonderful for me. Thank you for the wonderful years! I wish you luck for the years to come!"

Julia wrote this-(She transferred to Valley right before the auditions for the musical) "A couple of weeks later, I auditioned for the school musical, "Willy Wonka Jr." I didn't expect anything special. After all, I was just me. A new girl trying to find her place in this new environment. When I saw the cast list, I was disheartened because I started at the end, working my way up. I thought I hadn't even made it in the play because I wasn't in the ensemble. But then, I saw it- at the top of the list were the words "Charlie Bucket- Julia Wills." This was obviously a shock, since Charlie Bucket is a boy and I'm, well, a girl! However, as rehearsals went on, I began to see how the part would work out. That musical was what really yanked me out of my little shell of a comfort zone. I began meeting new people and making friends. I gained a confidence that before had been inconceivable, while maintaining a normal sized head thank-you-very-much. I truly felt happy."

Wow. Friends, I am going to issue you a challenge. Too often we focus on the negative aspects of life and don't let people know what they mean to us. We don't hear words of encouragement, praise, or support often enough. Let's change that.

Onto other things, I got a subpoena yesterday to be a witness in a trial. It was about one of the fights I blogged about earlier this year. Oh, my life is wacky!!!

SUMMER!

Today is the first day of my summer vacation! Can I get a Woot Woot! I am so excited for summer, giddy in fact!

I have so many super things planned for summer! In fact I get to see this super cute girl in FRANCE! Let me tell you about my friend Amy- She is an amazing gal, I absolutley love her! She is always there for me no matter what. She makes me laugh and makes me feel a lot younger than my 30 years. I am so excited to see her!

Ok, so recently I've cause myself some internal turmoil. WHY DO I DO THAT!?!? Put it into perspective... my life is amazing and the Lord is VERY mindful of me. Just be. It is what it is. And it will all work out the way that it needs to...

Here are just a few pictures illustrating WHY may life is amazing-

I have the opportunity to teach something that I love!

I also help kids realize how AWESOME they are! It is my prayer that my students leave my classroom with a greater sense of self-worth. That is my #1 priority.

I have a fun step family who I have the opportunity to get to know! Here I am with Cole & Gage (my step nephews) at Disneyland last summer! They are such great kids!

Star Trek with my brothers! Admit it, you are jealous Ben & Jeff aren't your brothers!

Did I mention how much I love my sister-in-law Luana? She is amazing and I love her soooooo much! Ben is truly blessed that she is his wife!

Um, I get to direct musicals, give purpose to teenagers, have a creative outlet and laugh!

Look at those caramel apples, AMAZING!

Sarah White has been such a blessing in my life, I don't know how I would survive Valley Junior High with out her! (Oh and we wore shorts, in JANUARY!)

Have you met my family?

Ivy & Madeleine are a never-ending source of laughter, hugs, questions and JOY!

My sister let me attack her face with make-up and a pink wig, tee-hee!

I am 30, flirty and thriving!

At my b-day party with some of my awesome friends, Erika, Cherie and Sarah

Maddie!


I am working on becoming a better me! Running a 5K with Sarah.

I know who I am.

Expectations

I sit here on a Friday night spending time in front of my computer screen and I have a million thoughts running through my mind.

I played at a wedding tonight, it wasn't an LDS wedding, so we played for the ceremony. I swear the groom looked like he could've been one of my students! They looked so young! (When did I get so old?)...

Expectations of myself- expectations of others- expectations of my life...

Another school year has come and gone, the students usually cry. I console- if they only understood how many times they would say goodbye in life. Goodbye to innocence, goodbye to relationships, goodbye to dreams...

When is something a waste of time? How do you know when you've given too much and received too little? I feel empty sometimes. How can I let go? Alone.

Is our worth really wrapped up in the eyes of others? Can we be complete on our own? I don't know. So we spend a lifetime searching, planning, scheming, crying, dreaming,... living.
Still alone.

Wondering why. How many gray hairs can a person get before they become "too old"? I get gray hairs... they say if you pluck them out, three grow back in its place. I think this is most likely true, at least for me.

The eternal optimist? She sometimes feels sad. She sometimes feels anger. She often feels lonely. And yet, in moments, she looks heavenward and remembers who she is.

Time marches on and I wonder, when will this be real?

Music Makes My Heart Sing!

What I love about music, is it's power to enhance our lives, to improve our moods, to lift the spirit, and to enlighten the mind.

I am so humbled I can bring music to others, I am grateful I can sing when words will not suffice. I am so blessed to have grown up in a home where music was such a part of everyday life.

"Look for the silver lining
Whenever clouds appear in the gloom-
Remember somewhere the sun is shining
So the right thing to do
Is make is shine for You.
A heart full of joy and gladness
Will always vanish sadness and strife,
But always look for the silver lining,
And then you'll find the sunny side of life."

The following is a poem that I have adopted as my personal creed-

A Prayer For Every Day

Make me too brave to lie or be unkind.
Make me too understanding, too, to mind
The little hurts companions give, and friends,
The careless hurts that no one quite intends.
Make me too thoughtful to hurt others so.
Help me to know....
The inmost hearts of those for whom I care,
Their secret wishes, all the loads they bear,
That I may add my courage to their own.
May I make lonely folks feel less alone,
And happy ones a little happier yet.
May I forget.....
What ought to be forgotten; and recall
Unfailing, all.....
That ought to be recalled, each kindly thing,
Forgetting what might sting.
To all upon my way,
Day after day,
Let me be joy, be hope! Let my life sing!
by Mary Carolyn Davies

I am truly grateful for my life, for the lessons I've learned and for the growth that Heavenly Father has given me. I love the people in my life and it never ceases to amaze me how the people I need at the precise moment I need them enter into my life and leave with me a bit of them. As I become the person I'd like to be, through them, Heavenly Father shapes and molds me. I pray that I may be prepared and worthy for what may lie ahead.

I was reading my journal from the college years and I was so blessed to have such an amazing experience. I was surrounded by some of the best people I've ever known. I grew so much, and I will forever look back on that time as one of the best times in my life. Thank you! :) On May 7th, 2004 I wrote the following thing which is still applicable today, "I've been thinking lately about what truly makes us happy...Now is the time to embrace. Life doesn't always go in the direction that I would like it to go in. And yet, I know I am precisely where I need to be... In the meantime, Love."