Meaning Something

I'm still trying to process everything that has happened these past few short weeks. Summer is almost over and before you know it, my life will be consumed by work and creating. Musical auditions are right around the corner, I've decided to be in a producing of "Curtains" (hope I don't end up regretting that decision) and I am getting a Shakespeare Team together for a competition at the beginning of October. In a way- I'm about to jump into the deep end of the pool and just start swimming. But before then- I have a few things I want to say and process.
I'm often vague on the blog in an attempt to protect identities of those whom I covertly speak. However, those who know me well usually know exactly what I am talking about. I believe in sharing names when things are positive and uplifting and remaining anonymous when they are not. It's now been a little over a month since the person with whom I thought I would spend my life with and I had a huge fight and subsequent falling out. And now it's been almost two weeks since  received an email that basically severed this person from my life. And it's been about 2 1/2 months since he told me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me...
Still... processing.
Everyone around me tells me he is a butt face and I'm better off without him. And I think if I were my own friend I would probably say that too.
However, I don't know what I think or feel. How do you just completely stop loving a person? How do you stop caring about someone who just a short while ago meant everything to you? How?
I know... one day at a time... someone new is bound to come along... I've dodged a huge bullet... etc... etc...
Still ... processing.
Feelings are mixed.

This is a book I bought in 1998. A friend (I don't remember who) bought it to give to her new husband. It's a sweet story about choosing each other over everyone else. I also bought one that day and have taken it with me everywhere I've lived in hopes of finding the owner. In a way (albeit cheesy) it represents my heart. There've been a few people I thought maybe I could give it to, but it wasn't right.
About 3 months ago I pulled it off the shelf and read it again. For the first time, I had someone who fit the book perfectly. I finally has someone to give the book to- someone who had chosen me. And then, in a moment- everything changed.
I still have the book. It sits on my nightstand- waiting for its owner.
Still... processing.
There's the logical side and the emotional side- they are out of alignment.
I've accepted that it is what it is... but I don't know how I feel about it all. I've been running the gamut of emotions and have yet to reconcile.
It's just hard for me to process why he did what he did. Why did he say what he said to me and then yank it back? I went from meaning something to meaning nothing. And that is hard.
Good riddance, right? Sigh.
"It's supposed to hurt, that's how you know it meant something." -Peter & the Starcatcher