Just wanted to share this-

Feeling Beautiful

Lately as my life has been turned topsy turvy I've been thinking a lot about what keeps me going in life. I have an amazing life and I have been blessed with many opportunites and gifts. I've usually been able to have confidence in almost area of my life except one... relationships.
I feel like I am a cute girl, but guys don't often see me, I mean really SEE me. I am the consummate friend, confidante, casual double date, someone to go to movies with... the list goes on and on. I can count on my hand the times in my life when someone has made me feel beautiful and feminine.
Last summer I went to Europe. It was an amazing trip and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to go. Some things happened right before I left that caused my confidence to drop to a new low. I left the country with a lot on my mind and hoping to find peace.

The third day we were in Paris, we went to the  Musée d'Orsay, an art museum in Paris. I was feeling pensive, loneliness and despair. I left Brandi and Amy to wander alone in the museum (I love doing this, it allows me to fully soak in the experience.) I came across this sculpture-

I was struck by the emotion I felt when looking at it. It seemed to perfectly describe what I was feeling in my heart. I stood there for a few moments, just allowing myself to feel. While I was standing there, a man approached me and said "Sprechen sie Deutsch?" I looked up and saw an attractive man probably in his mid thirties standing there. I was confused why he was asking me in German if I spoke German, so I nodded my head no. He then asked, "Parlez-vous français ?" I said "No". He then asked if I spoke English. I said yes that I was an American. He proceeded to ask me more about myself (apparently he has once gone on a trip to Southern Utah). He was very friendly and kind and I felt very comfortable around him. He asked me my name and told me that his name was Adele. He stopped talking for a moment and just told me that I was beautiful. There was nothing creepy about it and it made me feel wonderful. I smiled and said thank you. We continued talking for a bit, then he stopped and told me I was mysterious "Me?" I thought to myself "This awkward girl from Utah?? Mysterious? Me?" He then asked me how long I was going to be in Paris, he wanted to spend more time with me, I told him I was leaving that evening to visit Germany. He then gave me his e-mail address and phone number and asked me to contact him when I came back to Paris the next week. He then walked me to the front entrance of the museum where I was going to meet Brandi and Amy. He kissed my hand and bid me farewell and left. I watched him walk away- feeling lifted, beautiful and feminine.

A week later I was back in Paris- my friends wanted me to contact him. But I didn't want to ruin the moment I'd had. The moment where a stranger swooped into my life and made me feel alive and wanted. I never did contact him, I don't think I was supposed to.

But, thank you Adele. Thank you for lifting me from my sadness and seeing me in a way that I am rarely seen. For making me feel feminine, for making me feel beautiful. Thank you for that moment.

Changes

"For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning." — T.S. Elliot

I recently made a huge decision. After months of going back and forth- I decided to apply for the job at Hunter High school and I got it. How did I come to make this decision? A few posts back I discussed the pros and cons of leaving my current position at Valley. I was very torn and recieved some great advice from everyone. Finally, the time to apply had arrived, and I still didn't know what would be best for me.

As an alumnus of Hunter High, there was also a little bit of sentimentality attatched to my desire for the position. I loved it when I went to school there and I would love to be there again. I was talking with my sister and she said that I might as well apply, because then I would be keeping my options open. So, I did- still unsure of what I wanted.

I was called in for an interview, and I hoped that I would receive a strong impression either way. The interview went very well- and I felt good about the interview, but I still didn't know what I wanted. At the interview, the principal told me that they would let me know either way that afternoon. Well, this sent me into a bit of a panic! I needed to make a decision!

I went back to Valley and spent most of my 4th period consultation awaiting a call and chatting with the office secretary, Pam. (Another thing I LOVE about Valley are the amazing people I've worked with!) As I was talking with her she said to me, "This is a really great opportunity for you isn't it?" I agreed that it was. I went back to my classroom and pondered what to do. I loved my job, I loved the school- was I ready and willing for a change? Would it consume my life? Would I be ok? After much thought I decided that if they called and offered me the job I would take it. Then I prayed I wouldn't be offered the job.

That afternoon, my sister, Annelise came over to rehearse for an Alumni show to honor my old drama teacher, and we were performing. Also in the room was my student, Preston who has been such a joy to teach. The phone rings- I pick it up, "Hi this is Doug (W-something?) from Hunter High School, how are you?" Me- "Fine" D- "Well, I am calling you to offer you the Theatre position at Hunter High School." Me- "Really? Awesome?" Silence... D- "Uh, are you accepting the offer?" Me- (after what seemed like a million moments and a million emotions I weakly replied) Yes. D- "Great we'll get the paper work etc..."

In that moment, I felt a million emotions and immediately started to cry. I felt peace about my decision, but also an intense sadness about the fact that I would be leaving my beloved job. Nervous and excited about my new adventures, but reluctant to leave... Annelise soon embraced me and so did Preston. I went and told the office staff and we all had a good cry and hugs. But, they were very supportive of my decision and were excited for me.

I then texted my old drama teacher and she texted this back to me, "YYYYEEESSS. I'm crying. Honest to g, I'm crying. We will announce it tonight if you want."

That night, I performed at the alumni show. I sang "Wash that Man Right Outa my Hair" with Annelise and "Children Will Listen" by myself. 

"Careful the things you say

Children will listen

Careful you do it too

Children will see

And learn, 

Guide them that step away-

Children will glisten

Tamper with what is true

And children will turn

If just to be free

Careful before you say

"Listen to me"

Children will listen."

At the end of the evening Barb, my old teacher, introduced me to the crowd. I went onstage with tear filled eyes and embraced her.

I am so grateful for the outpouring of love and support. When I first told my students that I would be leaving there was a lot of tears, but they understood. My family has been awesome and I have loved all the face book comments cheering me forward.

I am especially grateful for my dear friend Sarah who is my BFAW! (Best friend at work) Even though I know she wants me to stay, she has been so unselfish in her support of me! I am so grateful she is my friend- and now we can just be BFF's! I will miss her and many others terribly. But, now we will just have a great excuse to play hooky from school and go to DISNEYLAND!! (And no one will suspect when we are both mysteriously absent from school on the same day!! MWA HA HA!)

So with a heavy heart, I move on. But I am starting to get excited. The day after I accepted this job, I got this text from Toffer, "I was thinking today about how excited I am for you. Really, it made me smile just thinking about it. :-)" That was the beginning of my growing excitement. I've also decided that next year the musical will be "Bye Bye Birdie"!

Thanks to all for your amazing love and support. It's going to be an adventure!