Motivated by Love

As a theatre teacher, I talk to my students a lot about their objective (goal) in a scene. What is it that their character hopes to achieve? And what motivates them to achieve this goal? I also often tell my students that when performing the scene, they are merely inhabiting another person's life perspective. They spend a lot of time creating characters, understanding objectives, motivations and tactics. I started thinking about how this is all applicable in real life.
I started thinking about what motivates people to do what they do. And I've determined that there are two major driving forces that motivate us. One is fear/guilt and one is love.
I went to the farewell this morning of a former student who is leaving to serve a mission in Japan. Her talk was great, all about turning to Christ in times of trial and tribulation. But, the woman who spoke before her talked about how she had failed to be a good missionary, how she had missed opportunities and how she was such a bad person. Frankly, it wasn't very uplifting as she berated herself and her missed opportunities over the pulpit. She was feeling guilt that she hadn't shared the gospel. But, she didn't need to beat herself up over it. And, I started thinking about why should we share the gospel and things that make us happy? It's because we understand what it means to love. We understand that God is love and we just want people to know.
When we choose to make a change, I believe we are more successful when we come from a place motivated by love and confidence. If we want to change something about ourselves we don't like and we feel guilty or fearful about our actions or lack thereof, we are doomed to fail. But, when we learn to love and celebrate the good- when are actions are motivated by love in whatever capacity, we will succeed.
This is my goal: to be more motivated by love rather than fear, guilt or worse obligation. To have love drive and inspire my actions, goals and life. How much more wonderful life would be if we could but shift our perspective, to see the world through the lens of love? To see those who need a lift, to see the beauty in a moment and not be afraid. To trust that if we love and do our best, The Lord will truly make up the difference and out lives will become what they have the potential to be. That no matter our objective in this life, if we have love motivate and inspire us- we can change the world and ourselves.
Let love be the motivator.

Subjective Expectations

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I woke up bright and early at 6 am from a dream that put me in an incredibly sad mood. In the dream, a person whom I trust  broke that trust, betrayed me and essentially broke my heart. Thank heavens it was just a dream, but sometimes with dreams, emotions have a tendency to linger.
So, the day started on a rather sour note.
Yesterday was State Drama competition. Last year at the competition I knew I had a solid team, but I didn't really have any expectations on how we would rank. Well, much to my delighted surprise, we placed 3rd! So, this year, as you can imagine, my expectations had shifted a little.
I tried to not have it affect me.  I tried to not care. I told my kids to focus on preparation and that's all that mattered. But, truth behold, I did care. I wanted to place in the top three and after a strong showing at region, we were in a plush position to do just that.
It all started to unravel a bit at our showcase last Wednesday. The pieces, overall, we're just ok. Some were incredible and some were... But art is subjective and hopefully the kids would take it up a notch before Saturday and  hopefully their judges would respond in positive manner to what they were presenting.
On Thursday, we presented our One Act, The Spirit of Life. I felt like it has gone ok. We followed Alta High (who ended up taking first in practically every category) and I knew it would be hard to not make a comparison. The kids did a good job, but the judges didn't seem to respond to the performance, nitpicking it apart. Although all three did give us a superior performance.
Back to yesterday, so after my funky morning, I was hopeful that my kids would pull it off. The morning started with a student being bumped and dropping a heavy set piece on her toe causing it to bleed severely, but she soldiered on and we t on to get a superior medal.
As the scores for the first round started coming in, I quickly realized I had overshot my expectations. My kids were doing ok...
I heard later that a student who I could usually count on for outstanding performances had actually told her friend on the bus ride to the competition that she didn't care about her performance... Well if she doesn't care, why should I care? And her scores showed it, which brought the overall team score down. Although they compete as individuals, they also are part of a team.
Needless to say, it was a rather disappointing day. I'm not sure exactly where we placed but I am pretty sure we were somewhere in the middle. Mediocre at best.
Oh well, it was just a bit of a let down.
Fourth quarter is always the hardest one. The seniors start succumbing to their imaginary disease, "senioritis" and become incredibly flaky and disinterested. The weather gets warmer and we all get a little bit of cabin fever. And yet now is the time to focus and make sure everything is done between now and the end of the year.
I'm glad state is over. But I always have things I'm busy working on... I need a vacation.  A time to remember what it's like to be Kjersti, not just Ms. Parkes.

Teenagers

I just finished watching the last session of general conference for the LDS church. There was a lot of talk about missionaries with the age change that happened last conference. Since that time, many more young people are going on missions and it has been interesting to watch the change happen first hand with my own students.
Some things I've noticed is the increased excitement amount the teens. But, the most exciting thing to me is when almost every girl is now making a mission a part of her plan. I can't imagine the good that will come from the increase of sister missionaries.
Also, this morning, a convert from my mission posted on face book about how she was watching conference. So, I commented and then my companion at the time commented also. 39 comments later and a few tears shed, my heart was filled with gratitude that I had been given such a precious opportunity to be an instrument in the Lord's hands.

I also got back a few days ago from my annual trek to Southern California with my students and fellow faculty members in the Performing Arts. And again, I was impressed with my students' behavior, professionalism, attitude and kindness. They truly are the cream of the crop. And I am so, so blessed to be a part of their lives. Because, this coming generation is going to change the world.
One of my favorite moments on the trip is when a student mispronounced the phrase "relive the magic" to "relieve the magic" which became the running joke! Jumping jellyfishes!!
Also, one evening after attending a pirate diner show, I kept my bus entertained with puny jokes and wacky dialects. I am such a goofy person. But, I love it, I love making others laugh, I love connecting with this teenagers and I love that I am given this precious opportunity.
And, on a spiritual note, I am so grateful that The Lord is mindful of me and is gently guiding me where I should be, if I but listen, humble myself and have faith- I know everything will turn out as it should be and in the meantime I will learn, grow and have experiences that will allow me to become the person I am meant to be.