What is Love?

For a little over a year I've been trying to articulate some thoughts I've had concerning love- here is my attempt. I think that love is the great quest that everyone goes on in their lives. So what is it? What is the ultimate goal? What does it mean to love, to give love, to feel love?
Confession- I've always been quite the romantic. I remember as a child daydreaming about the man that I would someday marry- how he'd come into my life and make everything beautiful and he would be my perfect match and I'd dream of our many adventures. I had such a romantic notion of love- the fireworks, the love songs, the longing, the passion, the "I'd die without you..." This was how I defined love and I would accept nothing less.
Well time and experience have a way of vastly changing thoughts and expectations. I learned that this 'ideal' of love was more fantasy than reality and it is impossible to try and live your life in such a heightened state. And frankly- I'm not sure if that kind of love really honestly exists. There are moments, sure- but overall life just isn't like that. In my life I have had one person I would've "died for" (well at least in the romantic sense) and this person hurt me more than any man ever has. I never "loved" anyone more than I loved him and yet where did it leave me? I remember listening to love songs and thinking, 'wow I finally get what these songs mean because I was experiencing that kind of love...' life was quite beautiful when looking through those rose-colored glasses. But, then it didn't matter how much I loved him, how much I gave him, how much I felt it was 'true love'- it ended and I was left alone to make sense of it all. I began to consider the question, "What is love?"
I asked multiple friends the same question- how did they know when their significant other was the one for them. I was surprised by their different answers. There is no set formula, there is no set patten, there is no set timetable. Some people were friends first for quite some time and then their feelings changed- some knew off the bat and everyone else found a spot somewhere inbetween.
After talking with multiple people and thinking about it in depth, I came to the conclusion that love is more of a choice than we give it credit. People talking of falling in love as if it is something over we have no control. The idea that love happens to us, that love is by chance that it jsut shows up one day. I don't believe that to be truth. Yes, there has to be some sort of attraction, but beyond that we choose love and then we choose it again and again and again, even when it's hard. But I'm only speaking about the type of love that exists between significant others- what about those of us who are alone? How can we have love in our lives?
As I type this, I am without prospects for a significant other. But I am human and need love in my life. I could dwell on my seemingly eternal state of singlehood or I could shift my perspective and realize that love really is everywhere. So, how can I give and receive love? I recently read the following article, How to Stop Sexualizing Everything it talks about the love that exists in friendship and how that love has been tainted by the over sexualization that has affected our ability to love each other in a non sexual way. This love exists everywhere if we are open to it.
I've read accounts of babies who when they are left in orphanages without human contact their survival rate is dangerously low. However, if they have regular human contact- they thrive. We are not all that different as adults- we need to touch and be touched. Sometimes I go a significant amount of time without human contact because of my particular circumstances and it is hard. We are afraid that if we express affection is will be mis-interpreted as being more than it is. As a result, I believe many people are starving for physical connection.
I had a dear friend in college who was incredibly affectionate. He was (and still is) a very handsome man, but I was not interested him in that way. But, he was one who has a need to express feelings physically and some of my favorite moments was when he would just hold me in a non-romantic way. He made me feel beautiful and feminine and luckily he wasn't afraid to express his affections to me, his friend. I believe that we need to be more accepting of non-sexual expressions of love and affection. I need it, I think we all need it. So go give someone a hug!
I've learned that love comes in many different forms and fills my soul. Although I am without my significant other- I still am living a life filled with love, a life filled with hope.
I am so grateful for the friends that choose me and love me in spite of all my quirks and shortcomings. That is love.
Love is so much more than romance- in fact the older I get and have friends and family who are married I realize that marriage and romantic love are not the magic bullet to obtain happiness. The key is to love your life and be grateful for the many different forms that love can take and the many people who give you a piece of their heart.

As an answer to my initial question, "What is Love?" It is what we make, what we give, and is all around us. We shouldn't be afraid to express love to those in out life, in whatever form they are in our life- we need to let them know we love them, that they mean something to us. Then, we will never be truly alone.

Coming up with a title can be hard...

Often I have random thoughts percolating in my mind that will probably make it into a blog post. This is one of those posts. (So forgive me for the random rambling that will most likely ensue.) The holidays are an interesting time, this year I've decided to not focus on the 'wo is me- single life' instead I've tried to do my best to enjoy my alone time. It's been nice.

But always at this time of year I do a lot of self-reflection (as I think we all do) - with the New Year, but also because my birthday is January 5th so it also marks another year passed for me specifically.

My life-

Yeah, it’s pretty good when you look at it. I have an amazing job with some of the best and brightest and most amazing students a person could ask for. I have a home I own with two adorable dogs that show me unconditional love. I am furthering my education and constantly working on projects.

But here is the underneath stuff- here is the vulnerability. I haven't felt like myself for an incredibly long time. So much has rocked my little corner of the world on a personal level in the past few years that I feel like I am still struggling to figure it out.

I've learned that at the end of the day the only person I can really count on is myself. Yes, people come and go and are so amazing in my life- but I cannot seek for outside help to validate me or make things better for me- I have to do that for myself. I need to accept love in whatever form it presents itself- I've focused far too long on the romantic notion of love as being the final goal; I've learned that love presents itself in the smallest, most seemingly insignificant of ways that are actually incredibly profound.

I've never really been afraid to be open with people. Not sure why- I guess I'm fascinated by the shared human experience. But, this openness sometimes causes pain. I guess it is the price that is paid.

I'm learning what is best for me. I'm learning how to better care for myself. And that is progress, which is good- because at the end of the day- it's just me regardless of who comes in and out of my life.

I know I am a daughter of God with infinite potential. I know that no one else can make my life what it needs to be. I know I need to make some changes to improve my life. I know I cannot control anyone else's thoughts, actions or choices- that I have to let it go.

At the end of the day- it's just me.

So, I guess my point it that love can be unexpected and precious, you can only really count on yourself (and that is an OK thing, it doesn't mean you shut people out, it just means you are in charge of your own happiness and choices) and when you don't feel like yourself let it go, make changes and move forward.