Eavesdropping...

Last night I hung out with my good friend April and we saw the movie, "Valkyrie". (By the way I highly recommend the movie, it was excellent.) Well, we got there a little early and sat in the theatre as the played the pre-show commercials and such. On the commercials, there were a few kids talking about Christmas.
Sitting next to me was a couple obviously on their 1st date. And I couldn't help but listen in to their fascinating conversation...

Guy: You know I am the Elder's Quorum President.
Girl: Really? tee hee hee
Guy: Yeah, and I play the piano, so I am pretty much perfect.
Girl: You must be in demand. tee hee hee
(commercial with kids talking about Christmas starts to play again.)
Girl: Man, this commercial is so annoying. I hate kids.
Guy: Excuse me?
Girl: I hate kids, they are SOO annoying.
Guy: ha ha ha... wait are you serious?
Girl: I hate their little voices, their small heads, they just drive me CRAZY!
Guy: So... you'd hate my nephews?
Girl: Probably.
Guy: You realize you are going to hell for saying that.
Girl: Well, I think I might like my own kids...
Guy: Yep, hell.

Then the movie started. I think it was the last date for these two.

So this is CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas! I have to say it was a great Christmas this year!

I spent Christmas Eve alone (now before y'all start boo-hooing that I was alone, it was lovely!) I watched the First Presidency Christmas devotional, read Luke 2 and sang some songs. I really felt the spirit and it was wonderful! Here is my tree in my apartment, I purchased it, decorated it all by myself! Pretty impressive eh? Then on Christmas day I spent the afternoon at my mom's house.
Annelise, Luana and I get into the Christmas spirit, wearing red and green!
For Christmas this year, I bought everyone Disney t-shirts.

Mom & Kim were Mickey & Minnie-

Jeff was Grumpy...

Ben & Luana were Daisy & Donald-

Annelise & Mick were Jack & Sally!

The whole crew!

I am so grateful for my goofy family, they always put a smile on my face!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

Realizations

It's the first day of Christmas break! YES!!!! Teaching can be SOOO stressful, and breaks are greatly appreciated and needed.

This morning I got up in a bit of a funk, but I promised myself I would work out, so I did. And post work out when I was uploading my calories burned, I started thinking about why weight is so hard to lose, why gaining is SOOOO easy and what stops me from being the best person I can be, and why I am worth it.

1- Why I gain weight- I LOVE LOVE LOVE food! I love trying new things, healthy things, fattening things, I don't really discriminate. Also, my internal 'stop eating you are now satisfied' button is broken. Seriously, if it's still in front of me and I know I'm full, I'll absentmindedly pick at my food until it is gone and I feel REALLY crappy. Eating is ingrained in me, when I celebrate, I eat- when I'm sad, I eat- when I'm bored... you guessed it I eat. And finally, in my darkest moments- I feel like I don't deserve any better.

2- Why losing is hard- Who likes exercise? Seriously who? (Ok, you may like the way you feel afterward, but who wakes up and says to themselves, "let's go running!" with the same enthusiasm they would say "I'm going to Disney World!") It's HARD work! You are creating new habits, you have to keep track of what you eat. It doesn't matter what gimmicky diets may tell you. It's a matter of calories consumed and calories burned, to lose weight you must have a deficit. It takes work and dedication, and sometimes sacrifice. Finally, it is SO easy to be lazy and SO hard to be disciplined.

3-What stops me from being the best person I can be- Life. Did I sign up for this? Disappointments, rejections, failures, feelings of inadequacies... Not believing in myself, getting down on myself for not being 'perfect'... What is perfection anyway? (A really good creme brulee...)

4- Why I am worth it- When I was watching the Biggest Loser the other night, one of the contestants, Stacy talked about why she was inspired to lose the weight. She had a friend who died from complications of obesity... at the age of 32. That is a tragedy. I know the loneliness obesity can bring. That will NEVER be me! I have so much to offer the world in whatever capacity the Lord sees fit. And, the Lord deserves my best, which means becoming healthy. So in those moments of darkness, take hold and shine! I am beautiful.

5- What now? I know some of you who read this blog also struggle with weight. So what now? Day by day. Let's support each other, give tips, cheer each other on and do this together! Starting now!!!!!! Even if it just means walking in place while watching the 6'o clock news. It's something!

Here are my tips for weight loss-
1- When going out to eat, check the restaurants website for nutritional information and decide what you'll order before you get there. (One time I was going to Noodles & Company and had decided to get the Med Salad. Well, when I got there, I really wanted the peanut noodles, but I didn't know the nutritional info, so I stuck to my guns. And when I got home, I checked the difference. Med Salad- 550 calories Peanut Noodles- 1100 calories...)
2- A great cookbook is "The Most Decadent Diet Ever" by Devin Alexander
3- Find little ways to be active, it really does add up!

Here's to a healthy life!!

The Picture Show- from "Parade"

Well, here it is Tuesday night and I am waiting for the season finale of the Biggest Loser! I LOVE that show, it is so inspiring. ( I just hope Vicky doesn't win, she has been so manipulative ALL season and I really want someone else to win, preferably Michelle) It just reminds me how anything is possible if you just keep at it! Ali (whose picture is above) is amazing, she looks like a different person! I had a realization today. The holidays are hard, goodies are plentiful, stress is inevitable and all I want to do is curl up under some blankets and watch TV, which is precicsly how I was feeling this evening... So instead I walked on the treadmill. Normally I like to do what I can "hard core" workout where I end up sweaty and tired, but tonight I just walked. And I am proud of myself for doing it. Just keep moving!

Oh, and I read the following on my brother Jeff's blog and thought it'd be fun (considering my eclectic music tastes!)

JUST FOR FUN….Feel free to do this yourself.

Directions:1. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.2. For each question, press the “next” button to get your answer.3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY OR NON-SENSICAL IT SOUNDS

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
NYC/ Reprise from "Annie"

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Big, Blonde & Beautiful from "Hairspray"

3. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
What kind of man? from "Curtains"

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Wishin' and Hopin'- Ani DiFranco

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?
He's a tramp- Peggy Lee

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Drama- Erasure

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Santa Evita- from "Evita"

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
My Lord and Master- from "The King & I"

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
All for One- from "Spamalot"

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Thankful- Josh Groban

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Surfin' Safari- Beach Boys

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Senior Year Spring Musical- from "High School Musical 3"

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Superwoman- Alicia Keys

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Love Story- Taylor Swift

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Baby Mine- Kerry Butler-

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Let's Go Fly a Kite- from "Mary Poppins"

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Spanish Rose- from "Bye Bye Birdie"

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Time to Say Goodbye- Sarah Brightman

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Details in the Fabric- Jason Mraz

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The World Was Dancing- from "Songs for a New World"

21. SONG THEY WILL PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"You are the Music in Me"- from High School Musical 2

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Picture Show- from "Parade"

Frustrated!

So, it's 10:30 pm and I am not tired (even though I am normally asleep by now when I have work in the morning.)

I gained weight over Thanksgiving (to be expected) I've gotten most of it off. Tonight I went grocery shopping and treated myself to some light ice cream (100 calories for a half cup). Normally I am very good about measuring my servings, but tonight, I was just feeling rebellious, and I ate over half the carton and I have no idea how many calories (probably at least 650)...

I feel like a failure. I always get so excited when I start a new diet/exercise program. I guess I'm just reaching the end of the honeymoon phase. I know I can lose the weight, at least I think I can. But, sometimes I just don't see how. I don't know why I ate so much ice cream. I'm not particularly depressed or stressed, I was just hungry, didn't care about the calories and just ate until I felt sick. (I know when I've eaten too much because my neck starts to feel fat... weird.) I ran (well jogged, walked and sprinted in intervals) for 2 miles last night but tonight I just wasn't feeling it. I wasn't really feeling anything. Which is how my life has been of late. Feeling nothing most of the time. I think I've built up so many walls to guard myself from being hurt, disappointed and rejected that I've stopped feeling. There's got to be a happy medium.

Back to my fat, I hate it. I hate how much I have struggled. I know everyone struggles, but man! So, I continue to struggle and will continue for the rest of my life, because the moment I stop, the moment I give into my desires I will gain massive amounts of weight. I have no delusions of grandeur, I just want to be 'normal'.

I guess I'm just mad at myself. I guess it's like when and alcoholic falls off the bandwagon. Except for one big difference, I can't just stop eating.

Will I ever get below 200 lbs??? I weighed that when I was 15 years old! Half a lifetime ago. My highest weight was 280 (recorded weight that is.) I am now 220 (although I was down to 211 last spring)... It is my dream to see a one at the beginning of my weight.

I wish I could figure out the weird psychological issues that seem to prevent me from finally doing it. My issues with abandonment, acceptance, image.. whatever. I don't know what it is. All I know is that I WANT SO BADLY TO BE A SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To shop in normal stores and wear normal sizes. It's so close I can taste it and yet I feel like I can't do it.

So, what do I do? I keep on moving forward. At least the body bugg is a constant physical reminder of what my goals are. I just pray I can do it, I need to NOW or I never will.

What I am grateful for-

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving, I think it's a good time to pause and think of what I am grateful for- so here's my list (in no particular order-)

1. Toilet paper


2. My Bed (with my 7 pillows!)


3. My roommates who are clean, nice and allow me my privacy.


4. Cute shoes


5. Facebook (it helps me stay connected with friends in varying places!)


6. My students (although they drive me batty at times, they are the source of great amusement, inspiration, love, and how else would I know how cool Chris Brown is?)



7. My job (especially when so many are losing theirs in this time of uncertainty.)


8. My amazing friends (as a single gal, I've had to rely on friends for so many things. And I have the most amazing support group of people who love me and believe in me. It so nice to see a friend, or call them on the phone and feel so loved.)


9. Trips to Disney World


10. The Rockin' Roller Coaster at Disney World.


11. My Siblings and their spouses- (Annelise & Mick who always welcome me into their home and who allow me to spend precious hours with my nieces. Ben & Luana who take me on "dates" to HSM3 so I don't have to go alone. Jeff who makes me laugh and is still doing the 'single thing' with me. My siblings who try to understand me, always support me and always make me feel like I have a home. I am truly, truly blessed to be related to these amazing, compassionate and hilarious people.)


12. My nieces, Ivy & Madeleine (they are a source of unconditional love!)


13. My Mom (who has always been an example of Christ-like service and love.)


14. My step-dad (who loves my Mom)


15. My body bugg (I am FINALLY going to do it! Down 10 lbs. WOOT WOOT!)


16. Lunches in the faculty room with my fellow teachers (they are HILARIOUS! and provide a much needed break from the chaos of teaching!)
    
17. Music, singing and dancing like a goon!
    
18. The Gospel
    
19. Faith that someday, somehow everything will work out and fall into place.
    

I have a lot to be thankful for. And for the times when life gets hard and I feel like no one cares, no one sees me, and nothing is good, I can pause and breathe and remember how amazing it is to be me!

Pushing Daisies

This is one of the best shows on television. It is clean, interesting, whimsical and touching. If they cancel it, I will cry. I hate it how smut can survive on TV but not a show like this.

If you haven't seen this show PLEASE tune in, for the love of all things beautiful!

Let's hope they don't cancel Pushing Daisies but according to Entertainment Weekly, "Daisies just wrapped production on what could be its last episode ever, and ABC has given no indication that it plans on ordering additional installments. What's worse, the potential swan song ends with what series creator Bryan Fuller calls a "huge cliff hanger" involving Chuck." -Michael Ausiello

BOOOOO Now I will cry! :(

Good Friends, Massages and LOTR

My favorite scene from Lord of The Rings. Makes me cry every time!

Today I decided to watch LOTR- The Fellowship of the Ring. I LOVE Lord of the Rings! I know, I am such a goof! But, I hadn't sat down to watch it since the LOTR Extended version marathon during the summer of '06 at the Playmill!

Whew, the week finally ended on a high note! But not before a few more bumps on the way.

On Friday, during 3rd period, I was cutting some poster board and proceeded to puncture my left hand with some scissors! At first I thought it was just a scratch, but when blood started running down my hand, I knew something was up!

So, I had to go into the work mans comp clinic, get it taken care of plus a tetanus shot! What a perfect end to my PERFECT week at school!!

Later, I was driving around with Annelise and the girls and came upon this sign-

Wha? Luana for lease? What does it all mean?

Later that night I went to a wedding shower for my friend, Candice. At the shower I saw Cherie, Erika and Sarah some great friends from the BYU-I days! It was so lovely to see them! After the shower, the aforementioned group came to my apartment to play with my Wii fit. *The funniest thing about the Wii fit is how it insults you!* We laughed and talked until after midnight! It was so great to see those girls! Thanks for a fantastic time!

The next morning the same group (minus Erika) went to get massages. Well, if you've never had a massage a highly recommend it. The only thing was, I was naked! (Well, under a sheet.) It was so weird! I'm never naked, except the shower! But, it was heavenly, and was a nice stress reliever after my slightly traumatic week.

Tomorrow is the information meeting for the school musical. This year I am doing "Alice in Wonderland" and I am very excited! But I hope I haven't bit off more than I can chew, because it is such a technical show, and I don't have the greatest facilities... Anyone willing to donate time, money or goods to a junior high Theatre department? Let me know. Hopefully next week at school will be better, if not I'm sure I'll have some entertaining stories to tell!

It Just Keeps Getting Better!

So, while I was in college I could never quite understand the many 'hats' I would wear as a teacher. (Cheerleader, mentor, disciplinarian, teacher, counselor, friend etc...) You can now add Bad Ass to that list. According to Mr. Reigner I am officially a Bad Ass. (Pardon the language). How does one achieve such a title? Let me tell you.
2:45 P.M. The bells rings to go home, and after yesterday, today was a pretty good day. The students leave my classroom and there is a moment of serenity. Then I have this feeling that I should go in the hallway to check on the little angels.
Just outside my door there is quite a commotion and at first, I'm not sure what is going on. Then I hear the word "FIGHT!" I look down the hallway just a few feet from my door and two girls are going at it. Literally yanking the hair out of each other's scalps and hitting each other with their free arms.
Well, me (being the Bad Ass that I am) march right into the middle of the fight. Adrenaline pumping, I really didn't have a thought in my head. I grab both girls by their wrists and literally pull them apart. At first the girls start hitting me, but then either because of my awesome strength (according to body bugg, I burned 5.2 calories a minute breaking up the fight) or the fact that I am a teacher, they eventually stop. I march them into the office (clothes lining a few kids on the way because I would not let go of their wrists.) and then proceed to get the other kids out of the building.
And that, my friends is bad ass.

Did you ever have one of those days...

Today was a no good very bad day indeed.
But kind of funny, in a tragic, roll your eyes sort of way.
Oh oh oh woke up today feeling the way I always do...
Then I weighed myself.... gasp! Shock horror! I gained 2 lbs overnight! (Sundays are insanely hard for me for 2 reasons 1- Not enough excercise (being the day of rest and all) 2- Eating)
Also I went to my parents house for Jeff's birthday and all that adds up to... 2 lbs.
But it will be gone tomorrow.
So I was depressed and then proceded to try out clothes for the day. 1st outfit- REJECTED! 2nd- REJECTED 3rd- REJECTED 4th- Well, by this time I was running late and I still had to pick up my car-pool buddy, Sarah.
So, I arrive at school feeling frumpy and fat. Make it to school with enough time to slather on a bit of make-up before facing my lovely students. Feeling grumpy and like I want to crawl back to bed...
Students begin rehearsing their scenes- cute little 7th grade boy asks... "can I use a cane for my scene, I am playing a Grandpa." "Sure" I say. I look at my worksheets for first period- Hmmmm seems that I am short a few worksheets. I slip out of the room for about 2 minutes.
The first thing I notice upon my return... cute 7th grade boy no longer has his cane, other 7th grade boy (bigger and more bully like) has the cane. Boy has "choked" other boy for cane (horseplay, goofing off he says...) Have entire class write eye witness accounts. Give bigger boy lunch detention and send him to the office. Have entire class work on worksheet in silence. Sit at my desk wishing the day would be over.
The day goes on... gloomy rainy and cold. Normally the jr. high kids can slightly annoy me, but mostly I'm fine. Today however... talking, asking for hall passes, looking at me funny all lead to me wanting to go home.
No Break (unless you count my 25 minute lunch)
Tick tock tick tock- why won't someone speed up the clock?
Finally 2:45!! Kids leave- I set my head on my desk and breathe.
Drive home, accidents and traffic. Change my clothes and watch a bit of the Tyra show about cheating spouses... why are people so selfish? Get disgusted, turn it off. Eat a lean cusine pizza (when all I wanted was a REAL pizza...) Go to Wal-Mart (the insanley claustrophbic one on 9th East) to buy supplies for puppet making mania tomorrow.
Come home, roommate asks if I am going to FHE. I say no, it's too late I like to be in bed by 9. Feel a little guilty for NEVER going to FHE. Get on computer, check facebook, upload my calories (I have 300 left to burn!) Write blog.

Just keep moving!

I've decided as part of my blogging adventures to chronicle my never ending quest to be fit and healthy. About one month ago I purchased a body bugg. A body bugg is a device that you wear on your right arm that monitors all the calories you are burning throughout the day. (It's very oooh fancy and was pretty expensive.) I've been wearing one for about a month now, and it's been interesting. In theory, if you burn 1,000 extra calories over what you consume, you will lose 2 lbs. per week. So far I have lost 7 lbs. (but I did go to Florida during that time where I ate!) Notice the body bugg on my right arm.



Anyway, I am frustrated! I guess I just hate the way my body can fluctuate, and I hate feeling trapped sometimes. I've struggled with my weight for what seems like forever! I've been up, down, left, right and everywhere in between. And although I'm not nearly as bad as I've been, I still have a long way to go.
I know what it's like to feel morbidly obese. To not be able to fit into the white plastic picnic chairs. To sit in an airplane seat and not be able to use the tray because your stomach is in the way. To feel old before you had the chance to be young. To not be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded... I am so grateful to not have those problems anymore.
I have to keep track of every calorie that I consume, and it's not as hard as it seems. My goal is to lose 30 lbs. by the time I am 30 (which is January 5th). Which incidentally will put me under 200 lbs. (a weight I haven't seen since I was 14 years old.)
I have to keep moving, I have to keep the faith and I will be a success!! It's hard, annoying, frustrating and worth it.

Today I got my flu shot and my arm is ouchy, I also voted. I love that we are able to vote, it is so incredibly important.

GO DEMOCRACY!!!

Now I will enter the realms of blogging...

After spending waaay too much time reading other people's blogs, I decided to begin one myself with the intent of bringing some sort of slight amusement to others. So here goes....

Halloween was fun!

I carved pumpkins with Ivy & Maddie (Here is our spooky cat!)





Ivy carved a frog!








Then I helped Annelise out at the Primary Carnival for her ward! I gave her a pink wig and attacked her face with make-up.







Ivy was a horse jockey &
Maddie was a Care Bear!




They were both sooo cute!

After the party, I took them trick or treating around the neighborhood. Maddie was done early but Ivy stayed out until almost 9 pm! I absolutely LOVE my nieces! They bring me so much joy and I am so blessed to have them in my life! I love it when I come to visit and they both yell out my name from where ever they are and have to find me to give me a hug and kiss! And then whenever I leave, I can't go until I get a hug & kiss, could life be any sweeter?