How to be Happy

When most people are asked what they want in life- the majority of time they give the same answer- to be happy. And yet, most people seem to walk around in a state of impending doom. Now, I'm not talking about clinical depression or other mental illness- that is an entirely different thing that needs to be faced with a professional.
No, I'm talking about the normal, mundane, everyday, pathetic existence that we all share. Let's face it kids- life sucks. It's hard, it's unfair, it's cruel, it's awful, it's pathetic- and we all feel small, unimportant, unloved, worthless, like no one cares and that we are destined to walk the lonely road in solitude and misery.
Whoa... back up the trolley. I do not want to live that kind of life. And, I believe- we have more control over our outlook on life that we may think. But it does take practice and it does take awareness. I fully admit and recognize the need to feel ALL emotions. Running around like a happy robot does not equal true happiness. But the key is to feel the negative emotions- not dwell on them and then to move forward.
So, how to be happy?

This is my favorite lipstick- it is called this-

Don't you just love it? This is me wearing said lipstick-

 

Now you may be thinking, what in the world does red lipstick have to do with being happy in life? Well, keep reading-

 

1- Be bold- Nothing says boldness like red lipstick. When you wear it you command attention. So many people live their life in fear and 'what ifs'. Don't wait for life to happen to you- go make it happen. Will it go as planned? Most certainly not- but your life will become what you make of it. Make it amazing.

 

2-Stop the Comparisons- A lot of people are afraid of wearing red lipstick because it's too much, it will draw too much attention to my flaws. I'm not as pretty as... as skinny as... as smart as... as talented as... as funny as... Well, stop it- slap on the red lips and face the world. As Dr. Seuss stated, "Today you are YOU, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than YOU." People will love you, people will despise you, people will use you, people will misunderstand you and people will always be there for you. You are no better than or worse than anyone else- so just be you. I give this analogy to my students. You go to an ice cream store and can get one scoop of your favorite kind of ice cream. What do you pick? Some say chocolate, mint, superman, vanilla, peanut butter cup- the list goes on and on. Then I ask them- which is the best? They of course state their favorite is the best, most wonderful ice cream in the world and all others cannot compete. I then ask again, but which is the best? By this time they start to realize it is a matter of opinion. And then I say does your opinion change the ice cream? No, the ice cream is what it is. And ice cream is awesome by nature. And you, dear friend are the most awesome YOU that there ever was, ever will be and no one can compete with that- so work it!

 

3-It's not a BIG Deal- When you wear the red lipstick, what message are you sending to the world? It may be- I feel sassy today, or all I could do to keep from crying is wear the lipstick, or I dunno I just put it on. People can't read you mind and you can't read theirs. How many times have you not gotten a response to a text as quickly as you wanted, or have had someone drive inconsiderately and cut you off, or have had something said to you that offended you? You then spend time fuming, and being upset by others actions when most of the time it was innocent and certainly not meant to be a slap in the face. Instead, don't take things personally- most of the time it's not personal. It's just not a big deal. You are not the center of the Universe, you are just a part of it- give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

4- You talkin' to me?- Use your lips to communicate. Unhappiness comes when you make assumptions about people and situations. And often mountains are made out of molehills because we spend so much time in our heads coming up with the worse case scenarios. Communication can be hard, it can be scary, it sometimes reveals things we aren't prepared to face- but it is always important.

 

5-Have a new perspective- Sometimes just a simple change- like lipstick- can give you a whole new outlook. I think the number one reason people are unhappy is limited and selfish perspective. The idea that you are completely and utterly alone in your suffering. And let's face it, we are all, at the heart of it, insanely selfish. We are the star, writer, director,and producer of our own movie. The world revolves around us, because, well, it's all we know. Once in awhile- stop production on your movie and look around- see something from a new perspective. Realize you are not always right and there is value and lessons to be learned at every corner. Embrace it. Find ways to love and lift others- "They may not need me; but they might. I'll let me head be just in sight; a smile as small as mine might be precisely their necessity."- Emily Dickinson

 

6-Let it Go- I'll give you a moment to sing the song from "Frozen"- there back now. The older I get, the more I realize the wisdom in this statement. Let go of hurt feelings- I've come to realize that closure is a myth. There will always be regret, there will always be the dreaded 'what ifs' and there will always be sorrow. Let it go. Let go of expectations- just let people be who they need to be. You don't know their whole story, you don't see and feel everything they feel- just love and let go. Let go of toxic people in your life. My favorite red lipstick (you knew I had to tie it in somehow!) I purchased to use onstage when I played Nancy in Oliver! (Post about my experience playing Nancy) She was a character who didn't understand how to let go of the people who were hurting her and eventually, it was the end of her. Her motivations and intentions were well meaning, she just put her trust and faith in the wrong people. It's ok to let people go, it's ok to distance yourself from people who use you, hurt you, belittle you and wrong you. It's ok to let them go. It's ok to leave bad situations, it's ok to move on.

 

7-Acceptance with Hope- And finally accept the beauty that is you and your life. Wear those lips!! So, I am 35 and single and any of you who read this blog know that I talk about this. I talk about it because I am trying to figure it all out. My whole life- all I've wanted was a husband. I prayed for it, planned for it, yearned for it and sobbed about it. I had a recent experience which caused me to look at my life and finally ask myself the question... "What if I am single my whole life... gulp" And I came to the conclusion that I will still have a fulfilling, incredible, complete and spectacular life. Because my life right now is amazing- and instead of looking for greener grass- I need to accept what is right now. Not what may be tomorrow- but what is- right now. I have hope for things to happen in my life, but in the meantime- I accept and embrace what it- because it's pretty astounding.

 

So, there you have it- face it- life sucks. So, what are you going to do about it?

 

I don't know about you, but I'm going to slap on my f-bomb lipstick and face the world and be happy!

It's a Fine Life

I recently played Nancy in Murray City's production of "Oliver!"

 

It was such a beautiful experience that taught me so much. When I was cast in the role I wrote the following blog post about the experience- Being the Girl 

 

 Nancy is my favorite role that I have ever played. For awhile she was tied with the Baker's Wife from "Into the Woods", but eventually the heart of Nancy won. Why, you may ask. Admittedly the book of "Oliver" leaves some things to be desired. The resolution happens too rapidly and sometimes the endless reprises are a little tiring. But this little show has come to mean the world to me.

In my previous blog post, I talked about my reservation playing this part because I am not the physical ideal. Well, the more I learned about Nancy, the more I discovered her, the more I understood about her, the more I understood more about myself. Nancy is incredibly complicated, she loves with all her heart and sees the goodness in others. She is blinded by this love and driven by this love. Plus, my dear friend Kara made me this beautiful red dress that I wore on stage.

 

 

And I felt beautiful. Girls, you know this- its far too rare of an occasion when you feel truly beautiful and confident. Nancy gave me that. There was no way I could hide behind my insecurities when I was her, because she didn't possess those insecurities. She knew she was desired, she knew she was wanted and she knew she was loved by all. She was tough, sassy, vulnerable, jovial, kind, patient, considerate and flawed. How could I be any less?

 

 

So, I gave her my heart. And she changed me. I realized that it is a waste of time to hide behind our perceived flaws and insecurities. Even up until opening I was afraid people would see my performance and say "Yeah, she sings well, but she is way too fat for this role." I would tell my fears to my friend Blake who played Bill Sykes and he would just look at me in bewilderment that someone would ever think that. I tried to take his belief in me and run with it. I decided no matter what that I was going to give it everything I have. And I did. And it was incredible.

And you know what- not one person mentioned anything about my imperfections. In fact the opposite was true- I received compliment upon compliment about how gorgeous and perfect I was to play Nancy. How I touched their hearts, how I made them laugh and cry. As the run came to a close, I started to realize that I am those things. That I am beautiful as I am and I have so much to give.

 

 

One of my favorite things about being in this show was the cast. It was the least backstage drama cast that I have ever been a part of. I felt so much support and camaraderie from everyone. This was especially evident when I sang the high note in "As Long as He Needs Me". Well, right before opening, I had a bout with seasonal allergies that affected my singing voice and on opening night, I couldn't quite hit it the way I wanted to. I was so frustrated and psyched myself out. On, the second night- the moment for the note came and I felt no tension physically and the note just sailed out of me. I went backstage and my dear former students Courtney and Matt were elated! They told me they had literally been praying for me at the moment I sang the note. Then person after person told me how they were either praying or sending me positive thoughts at that exact moment. This touched me more than I can adequately express. Then every night after the song and the reprise, the cast would high five me and give me congratulations. I felt their support, love and encouragement.

 

 

I am so grateful to all the people who came and supported me in this show. Every night I had a fan club and it meant so much to me those who travelled near and far. There is nothing like singing under the stars with a live orchestra and baring your soul onstage. I am so grateful I had this choice opportunity to play Nancy and to be a part of something so lovely.

Thank you to everyone for believing in me.

It's a Fine Life!!!