Why I do what I do.

So, I am now in the 2nd week of this school year and man is it hot! The above picture is the temperature in my classroom... I don't think I get paid nearly enough. They had installed air conditioning in the spring, but unfortunately it won't be working until mid October at the earliest.
But it's ok, because I really do love what I do.
I am also in the middle of the auditions for the musical. Monday and Tuesday were vocal/acting auditions and today was the dance auditions. I have a great new choreographer and I am excited to see her in action. As I was watching the kids learn and perform the dance routine, I took a moment to just let it all soak in. Watching their faces, seeing their interactions, laughing at their quirks.
I love the process of putting a show together- even though it is CRAZY stressful- it is all worth it. Auditions are hard because I know no matter what I do that feelings will be hurt. But, that's the name of the game. It is so hard for me to post a cast list. I put it on the door, then I go and hide because I can't bear to see the disappointed reactions.
But seeing the kids who are different, the kids who don't fit, the kids who are so amazingly talented, the kids who are sad, the kids who need a friend, the kids who just need to be lifted... that is why I do what I do.
So here's to an amazing new year!

Embracing the "Crazy"

Ladies, ladies, ladies. We are a crazy bunch. Do you ever have a time when you are having a crazy, irrational, emotional thought that you know makes no sense and yet it seems so real to you? So you ruminate and mull over the thought which sometimes leads to acting in a way that you normally would avoid. (And hormones certainly don't help- is it just me, or have you found that the older you get, the more your hormones are out of whack?)
I do. Not often, but when I do I am crazy. I get emotional, I make mountains out of molehills and I feel terrible.
I am crazy.
Last year I had a group of my male students come and ask me advice about girls. I listened to their stories, fascinated by the fact that their concerns were the same ones that still exist in my group of friends. (Wasn't I supposed to be older and wiser?) After they had finished, they all looked at me with eager anticipation for me to dispense my sage advice. This is what I said, "Women are crazy and Men are clueless."

Women are always thinking a million different thoughts.

Yep.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Dating...

So... yeah...
Why is it that it seems like everyone has success in dating but me? (I realize this isn't a true statement, but sometimes it feels that way.)  A few years ago the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" was all the rage. I had heard about it and wanted to read it. Luckily on Christmas morning my sister gave it me as a gift. After I unwrapped the present, she placed her hand lovingly on my knee and said, "Don't be offended, but I think you need this."
Recently I've been talking relationships a lot with my friends. Married, single, dating- pretty much everyone because I really want to figure this out. I've always hid behind the fat excuse. But fat people get married too! I have a friend who I worked with my first year at Valley. She was probably 350+ lbs but was actively dating on some LDS sites. That year she met and married her husband who didn't care about her size and now she lives in Idaho with her husband and super cute daughter. That was a huge realization for me. So what is it about me that broadcasts undateable? (Now, don't get me wrong, I am not depressed or sad that I am not dating, I am really just trying to figure it all out.)
Here is my classic story that has been true in almost all the situations where I like a guy... (There have been a few variations but it has basically been the same theme repeatedly.)
When I was a teenager I got it my mind that I wanted to marry my best friend. So every time I liked a guy, I made sure that he became my best friend. I never really learned how to flirt, and my meager attempts at flirtations are in a way, laughable. Anyway so here's the cycle...
I meet a guy, I think he is cute/interesting/a great potential Father to my children (just kidding about the last one...) So, depending on how brave I feel or whatever circumstances arise I get to know him. I am genuinely interested in him and what he has to say. I am usually pretty open and we laugh easily. Soon we are spending time together, and are learning even more about each other. I start thinking... yes! This is so fun and even though he isn't putting the moves on me, it's obvious he likes me because he is spending so much time with me. Then the reality sinks in a variety of ways- he tells me about another girl he is interested in and wants advice, we end up talking about 'us' and we have the dreaded 'just friends' talk or he realizes that I am interested in him and starts acting aloof. Or he tells me he is gay. And I end up alone, crying into the darkness and wondering what in the world I could've done differently, how I could have been so blind, and why in the world the pattern has repeated yet again.
So...yeah...
Yesterday I started reading the book "Love in 90 days". It talks about how if we were looking for employment we put all our energy and resources into finding a job. And yet, when it comes to love, we seem to take the mentality that love will find us. And so we live our lives, but don't really put forth much effort into making things happen for ourselves. I thought that was pretty interesting.
A year and a half ago I "graduated" from the singles ward. I've tried the online dating thing a few times but have never found success or interest. It has become so easy to adopt the mentality that I am just going to live my life and be happy and the Lord will provide. And if I need to do something different that Heavenly Father will guide me. Oh, and I am really sick of being sad and feeling rejected. Oh, and I have a lot of fear.
So... yeah...
In the book I am reading it talks about joining social groups to meet men, effective online dating and how to avoid deadly dating traps. (By the way if anyone is interested I fall into the following deadly traps: Just Buddies Trap and Jealousy Trap.) The book has overwhelmed me. It is A LOT of work! It talks about where you want to be in five years... ten years... fifteen years. My biggest fear is that I will be a cat lady living all alone, never knowing what it means to have someone love me.
Anyway, I guess my point is- what worked for you? What is your dating advice? I sincerely don't even know where to begin. It's so interesting to teach high school and watch teenage dating in full swing. IT'S SO SIMPLE. When did it become so complicated?
Anyway, if you have any words of wisdom, please let me know.
So... yeah...