The power of Hope

I love the word Hope. Hope that someday all the craziness will make sense. Hope that my dreams will come true. In the darkest moments, Hope is still there.
Sometimes it seems like Hope is all I have to hold onto. But, it is enough.

Hope for a dream-

Hope for a love-

Hope for tomorrow-

Hope for a smile-

Hope for a difference.

I truly do love my life. Even the things I don't understand, because then I can grow and learn.

The joys of an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper

Ahhhhhh... I love ice. While I was in Europe, I developed a greater appreciation for ice. Cold Drinks, Air Conditioning...

I also LOVE DIET DR. PEPPER! Yes, I know it is caffeinated and yes it is carbonated, but oh so tasty! And whereas I am trying to not eat sweets, sometimes it just hits the spot! Ahhhhh!

As y'all know (who read this blog with some frequency) I've been rather pensive these last few months, trying to figure out a lot of things, learning from a lot of things and making a lot of mistakes. So what conclusions have I reached?

In short, very few. I used to scoff at the saying 'the older I get the more I realize the less I know', or something like that- I think this is becoming my new mantra. When I was younger, I knew EVERYTHING, had all the answers, I was very smart. And now... life has schooled me. And not always in the most pleasant way. But, I do know, no matter what it is important to try to maintain a positive attitude and enjoy the happiness in life. Forgive others when they have hurt your feelings, spend time with those who love you, take time to dream...

What is it that prevents us from reaching our full potential? When I first started this blog, I talked about my desire to lose weight, and my efforts to do it. And here I am, months later in essentially the same situation- why?

I got home from Europe a week ago, lost 4.5 lbs. (A result of a ton of walking), worked out all week, but ate whatever I wanted. As a result, I am dreading seeing my trainer tomorrow as he gives me the I am disappointed in you look. What is stopping me? I feel like sometimes I am two people- the conscious me and the unconscious me. The conscious me is aware, goes to the Gym, sets goals, takes care of herself... the unconscious me is autopilot and before I know it, I've eaten a half gallon of ice cream in one day (which happened to me last week). The unconscious me doesn't give a rat's patootie about changing and becoming better. And when it comes to eating, the unconscious me often rules the day. I guess this could also be comparable to the natural man.

Becoming aware.

Ms. Parkes goes to Europe! (A brief overview of her awesome trip!)

On July 1st I started my whirlwind trip of Europe!

At Notre Dame with Amy (who lives in Paris!)

At the Eiffel Tower!

Day Two- July 2nd-

At the gates of Versailles

My heat rash (not fun, it was VERY hot that day and that combined with jet lag... hoo boy!)

At the Queen's Hamlet at Versailles
(a place where Marie Antionette would go "play" peasant.)

Day Three- July 3rd-

At St. Chapelle

I was perplexed by the Parisian Cafe's and how all the seats would be turned out so the diners could view the passing public...

Day Four- July 4th- Travel to Munich, Germany

Nate taking a picture of us getting off our overnight train!

At the opera house with my good friend Nate who lives in Germany!

With Brandi at the Hofbrauhaus a world famous beer hall!

Day Five- July 5th-

Brandi & I after Church

Nate & I in the gardens at Nymphenburg Palace

Day Six- July 6th-

At Lake Alpsee near Neuschwanstein Castle

Neuschwanstein Castle (Unfortunatley covered with scaffolding for a remodel)

Day Seven- July 7th- Day trip to Salzburg, Austria

Dancing at the Mirabell Gardens where they filmed scenes from the

"Sound of Music"

At the Sound of Music Gazebo (Unfortunaltey we couldn't go inside, too many people hurt themselves trying to reinact "16 going on 17".

Day Eight- July 8th- Last day in Germany-

Memorial at Dachau concentration camp

Nate & Katherine seeing us off at the train station (we stayed with Katherine while in Munich)

And leaving apparently caused a hoe-down!

Day Nine- July 9th- Danmark!

Eating my 1st Danish meal!

With the Little Mermaid

Day Ten- July 10th-

The original Christus Statue in Copenhagen

On top of the Rundetarn overlooking the city

In Tivoli Gardens

Day Eleven- July 11th- Last day In Danmark

Eating a Danish!

At Kronberg Castle

A Lion at Friedricksberg Castle

Day Twelve- July 12th- Back to Paris

After spending a day of travel, we spent the evening at Disneyland Paris

The Fireworks

So Happy!

Day Thirteen- July 13th-

At the Louvre

At the Paris Opera House

Eating dinner at a street cafe!

Day Fourteen- July 14th-

Glory be and the saints be praised, I found a Dr. Pepper!

Sassy at the Moulin Rouge!

With Amy & Charron at the Arc de Triomphe

Day Fifteen- July 15th- Last day!

Charron & I after riding the Tower of Terror at Disneyland Paris!

Brandi & I at the Rockin' Rollercoaster!

About to go on Small World!

So, there ya have it folks, a brief overview of my trip! And it really is a small world after all!

Auf Wiedersehn, Au revoir and Farvel!

The Ramblings of a Random Mind

So I leave for Europe tomorrow and I am staying up late tonight and getting up really early tomorrow morning in an effort to force myself into sleeping on the plane.
I don't sleep well on planes, I am often quite amusing after red-eye flights... But I want to be awake and alert when I get to Paris, because, hey it's PARIS!
So this is my plan-
1- Go to bed at midnight (in about 20 minutes)
2- Get up at 6:30 am
3- Work out at 7 and train with my personal trainer at 8
4- Run around like a crazy person all day making sure I have all my bases covered
5- Flight leaves at 4:40 pm
6- Dinner will probably be around 6
7- FALL ASLEEP AFTER DINNER!!!!!
8- Arrive in Paris at 11:25 am (3 am Salt Lake Time) rested...

IT WILL WORK!!!

Also, another thought. I HATE it when I do and say things that are unnecessary and cause unnecessary drama and conflict. Why can't I just chill out sometimes? I am so stubborn and emotional and have this annoying habit of being selfish at times. ARGH! Then the moment passes and perspective sets in and I feel foolish. You'd think that I'd have learned this lesson by now, the world does not revolve around MY whims. Blarg!

Another thought, I AM GOING TO EUROPE! Wha? It's a moment I've ALWAYS dreamed about and I am actually doing it! CA-RAZY!!!!!

I am really tired... I hope my plan doesn't backfire and I am THAT much more tired in Paris. Tylenol pm will hopefully be my friend.

Sometimes I wish life had a rewind button...

I got a masters degree... from the streets!

Oh, how I love random conversations!

Tonight my friends Sarah, Wendi & I were heading downtown on trax to go see Amy perform at a concert at the Brigham Young Park (which, by the way her performance was AMAZING!) when we met an awesome man, a sage if you will- reminiscent of the wise men who sit on tops of mountains waiting to impart his wisdom on the masses...

So there we were, unaware of the wise man who would soon grace us with his presence. He was friendly enough, recently relocated from Chicago because apparently the job market is better in Salt Lake.

Sarah & I were talking about working out and I had mentioned how I was sore because of the workout I had received Monday at the hands of my trainer to which the sage interjected, "Girl, what do you mean he worked you out?" I proceeded to explain to him what it meant and he said, "Girl why you wanna get strong?" To which Sarah said, "Well to be healthy and working out can help prevent osteoporosis."
"Girl, I ain't no college graduate, but I got a master's degree from the streets. And I'll tell you one thing, it is what it is, if you gonna get muscularperosis, it's genetics there ain't nothing you can do about it, it is what it is."

Word.

Loving means letting go.

When a mother bird lets her babies fly for the first time, I have to wonder if she has any worries. "What if they fall? Maybe it isn't time? Maybe if I hold on to them tightly...." Instead, she just lets them fly. Then they soar... She has to let them go, and although it may be hard, she lets go.

Recently this concept of letting go has been pounded in my head. It is so hard for me to let go sometimes because I am so afraid of not having control, because it means that things won't work out according to my plan... it means holding so tightly that those I hold cannot fly...

I was also thinking about the perfect love that Heavenly Father has for his children. A love that is without boundaries, that is all encompassing, that is perfect. And how does Heavenly Father show his love? He lets his children go, he lets them grow, he doesn't control them, he lets them make their own decisions, even though he knows not all will return to his presence. Perfect love means letting go-

It's not just pulling someone very near.

It's having faith instead of fear.

It's not how we hold on but how we grow.

It's standing by and letting go...

You take that chance

You let them go.

Letting go means loving yourself. I know for me, the reason I hold on so tightly is rooted in my own insecurities. We all have had so many things that have shaped our lives, happiness, tragedy, unresolved feelings... and we have to let go to be able to love and receive love. Show love to yourself, let it go.

People come, people go- some stay for a moment, some for a lifetime, some forever... Although I wish I could control that- I can't, I have to let it go. And by so doing, I will be able to soar.

Learn to let go.

Just be

I just got off the phone with my brother Ben and he said this to me, "This may sound cheesy, but You may never know when things are going to work out the way you'd like them to, but you can take comfort in the fact that you are one day closer than you were yesterday." Yes, it was cheesy, but it made sense.
We can think, over-analyze and cling until we have nothing left or we can just be.

Updates!

I Looooooove sleeping in!!!!! But it is a bad habit to get myself into. Summers. One of the greatest perks of being a teacher!
So what is my focus for the summer, ME! I went into 24 hour fitness a few days ago and got a gym membership and a personal trainer named Todd. Who just might very well give me the "beating of my life". I need it. I need some outside motivation. I think one of the hard things about me is that I have gotten complacent. I'm not "too fat" and therefore, eh.... BUT, I want to be the best that I can be and be healthy. So, here goes!
Also, some students wrote some notes on facebook that made my heart happy! Here are some excerpts-

Briana wrote the 1st one-
"Ms. Parkes-You were the greatest!! Theater was only fun because you helped me discover the magic in acting. I love you so much! Thank you for casting me as the main roles in eighth and ninth grade! I had such a blast and I will definitely miss you. Confidence was only one of the many things that I learned while being in the four plays/musicals. You definitely made it wonderful for me. Thank you for the wonderful years! I wish you luck for the years to come!"

Julia wrote this-(She transferred to Valley right before the auditions for the musical) "A couple of weeks later, I auditioned for the school musical, "Willy Wonka Jr." I didn't expect anything special. After all, I was just me. A new girl trying to find her place in this new environment. When I saw the cast list, I was disheartened because I started at the end, working my way up. I thought I hadn't even made it in the play because I wasn't in the ensemble. But then, I saw it- at the top of the list were the words "Charlie Bucket- Julia Wills." This was obviously a shock, since Charlie Bucket is a boy and I'm, well, a girl! However, as rehearsals went on, I began to see how the part would work out. That musical was what really yanked me out of my little shell of a comfort zone. I began meeting new people and making friends. I gained a confidence that before had been inconceivable, while maintaining a normal sized head thank-you-very-much. I truly felt happy."

Wow. Friends, I am going to issue you a challenge. Too often we focus on the negative aspects of life and don't let people know what they mean to us. We don't hear words of encouragement, praise, or support often enough. Let's change that.

Onto other things, I got a subpoena yesterday to be a witness in a trial. It was about one of the fights I blogged about earlier this year. Oh, my life is wacky!!!

SUMMER!

Today is the first day of my summer vacation! Can I get a Woot Woot! I am so excited for summer, giddy in fact!

I have so many super things planned for summer! In fact I get to see this super cute girl in FRANCE! Let me tell you about my friend Amy- She is an amazing gal, I absolutley love her! She is always there for me no matter what. She makes me laugh and makes me feel a lot younger than my 30 years. I am so excited to see her!

Ok, so recently I've cause myself some internal turmoil. WHY DO I DO THAT!?!? Put it into perspective... my life is amazing and the Lord is VERY mindful of me. Just be. It is what it is. And it will all work out the way that it needs to...

Here are just a few pictures illustrating WHY may life is amazing-

I have the opportunity to teach something that I love!

I also help kids realize how AWESOME they are! It is my prayer that my students leave my classroom with a greater sense of self-worth. That is my #1 priority.

I have a fun step family who I have the opportunity to get to know! Here I am with Cole & Gage (my step nephews) at Disneyland last summer! They are such great kids!

Star Trek with my brothers! Admit it, you are jealous Ben & Jeff aren't your brothers!

Did I mention how much I love my sister-in-law Luana? She is amazing and I love her soooooo much! Ben is truly blessed that she is his wife!

Um, I get to direct musicals, give purpose to teenagers, have a creative outlet and laugh!

Look at those caramel apples, AMAZING!

Sarah White has been such a blessing in my life, I don't know how I would survive Valley Junior High with out her! (Oh and we wore shorts, in JANUARY!)

Have you met my family?

Ivy & Madeleine are a never-ending source of laughter, hugs, questions and JOY!

My sister let me attack her face with make-up and a pink wig, tee-hee!

I am 30, flirty and thriving!

At my b-day party with some of my awesome friends, Erika, Cherie and Sarah

Maddie!


I am working on becoming a better me! Running a 5K with Sarah.

I know who I am.