Be Inspiring

Hoo-boy this past month has been busy for me! I went on a lovely cruise to Mexico with my good friend April- taught another acting class session at the Hale and ended the month at the yearly UACTT conference! Whew! And now I go back to school next week. This has been a very short summer, both in terms of time (school is starting a week earlier) and in having a lot to do. In fact I really should be doing lesson planning (we are getting the 9th grade class for this upcoming year) but instead I am blogging. Why? I have a lot on my mind.

At the UACTT conference, our keynote speaker was a gentleman named Michael Littig. Throughout the past year I had an email correspondence with him as I planned the conference. Never in my life had I encountered such positivity through an email. He ended each email with sending love from somewhere in the world. (He is involved with the Great Globe Foundation which brings arts all over the globe. You should check out the website: http://greatglobefoundation.org/ ) When I met him and listened to his keynote- what struck me the most was his giving and idealistic spirit. I thought- I need to be more like that. I want to be a force for good and positivity and community and understanding. He talked a lot about this idea of community. Who is in your community? Who are your mentors? Who are your peers? And so forth.

I started thinking about the different communities of which I am a part. The obvious workplace, family, friends, etc... but then I started thinking about the Facebook community. Here is a place where people can post whatever the squirrel they want without seeing the consequences. Sure they see the consequences in written form- but they can never understand the scope of what words can do to a person in real life.

Thumper makes it all seem so simplistic- but it's much more complicated than that. What about standing up for what we believe? What about letting our opinions be heard? FREE SPEECH! FREE SPEECH!! Truth be told- this kind of thinking on the Facebook exhausts me. I value people's opinions, beliefs and points of view. But, far, far too often people shame others (intentionally or not) for not thinking EXACTLY like them. Putting down others whose journey has been different. Shouting they have the market on what is true and what is not and anyone who thinks differently is a complete and utter ignorant fool. I think there is a way to state our opinions and beliefs without coming across as attacking. 

All it takes is switching an approach and being open to the fact, that maybe, just maybe someone else feels they are just as right as you even though it is directly against what you have come to know as truth. Of course there are basic moral tenets of society that we all should be defending regardless of personal belief. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a difference in lifestyle, religious belief, etc... Because at the end of the day- are we all not just people trying to figure it all out?

I have a friend from high school who is a transgender woman. I will be the first to admit I have no idea or comprehension as to what that means. I don't understand and it makes no sense to my brain. However, it is not my experience to have- it is hers. Her best friend could be described as polar opposite. I recently read her account on Facebook commenting on their friendship: They were asked, "So how do you guys deal with the fact that you have different feelings about things like gay marriage and stuff?" (I'm paraphrasing, forgive me) To which I said, "Our friendship isn't affected by things like that because we don't let it. There are so many more important things in life than to get hung up on issues that could never have any bearing on who we are as friends." I am so grateful that my best friend and I are still just as best friendish now as we have always been; our high school years on stage together and in class, our early adult years as we held each other up through heartbreak, laughed at one another during times of experimentation, and in recent years, completely stood behind the other as we stepped firmly into our current adult identities. She is the a magnificent mother of 4 (soon to be 5), a dutiful daughter and the loving and committed wife of a new bishop. She is so practical and inventive and I daresay could sew anything she could ever want. There were times when I have envied her, but those feeling fade instantly when I remember what an amazing best friend she has always been to me." To which her friend replied, " I'm so lucky to have a best friend like you. I'd never trade that for anything. You were there for me through some of my darkest times and never questioned why when I decided to go back to church and completely change my lifestyle. I lost a lot of "friends" when I did that. It's the people who stick it out with you through the most trying times that are the truest friends. Thank you for everything. I love you forever and ever!" 

THAT- my friends, is what it's all about!

So why is my blog post titled, "Be Inspiring"? Because that's my challenge to each of you. 

-Be Inspiring in your interactions with others: Another thing that struck me about Michael was how he made others feel. When I thanked him for coming to the conference he acknowledged my thanks but in turn thanked me. He tells others how they inspire him. It was interesting to watch the affect of community and inspiration had on our conference attendees. 

-Be Inspiring online: Carefully evaluate how you put information out there. It's fine to have your opinions, but are they laced with hate and venom toward those who have different thoughts?

-Be Inspiring with Yourself: We all have a different path. Follow what is true to you. But try to avoid putting down those who do not share your path. They are on their own path and even though their path is incomprehensible to you. It is THEIR path- you cannot understand what that means or why they are there- all you can do is honor their path and give value to their experiences.

-Be Inspiring with the world: Everyday we send out messages to the world. We send out energy to the world. What are you sending?

Why I Stay

When I was a teenager, I thought life was hard. I was dealing with things beyond that of my friends at the time and I thought I truly understood what it was like to have trials and tribulations. I kept waiting for life to get easier and the trials to lessen- but I have come to understand that as an adult that just isn't true. The trials and situations change and ebb and flow- some things that once were hard are fine and some things that you never thought would affect you suddenly break your heart. I've come to accept this fact because it is shaping me into the person I am becoming.
I don't claim to, nor have ever claimed to have the market cornered on truth. I consider myself to be an open and accepting person. Years ago I came to the realization that while other's actions, feelings, beliefs may have an emotional affect on me- when it comes right down to it- I am in charge of my own salvation. So what will my life be?

As a child I grew up in a Mormon family- however we were not atypical. We rarely had family home evening, scripture study or family prayer. My Mom tried to instill these things in us, but sometimes it was all we could do to just survive. I went to church every Sunday, occassionally attended Young Women Activities (I was always busy with my theatre/ music school activities) and nurtured an infantile testimony of the gospel. But, I must admit, I always felt like God was with me. I felt His quiet guidance and gentle hand in my life. After high school, I went through a dark depression and I started questioning so many things. I was angry, I was confused, I was sad. During this time I became friends with someone who had left the church. His path and choices fascinated me and I began to wonder if he was right. He had recently left and it was still hard on his Mom. He and I decided to go on a trip to New York City together and I promised his Mom we would attend church on Sunday in Manhattan. During the trip, he began to show his true colors and I found myself at odds with him. He attacked me, made fun of me and made me feel terrible. So, on Sunday morning more out of spite- I made him go to church with me. We finally found the church (now where the Manhattan Temple is) and went inside. The moment I stepped inside, I was overcome with a feeling a peace, warmth, love and home. He had to go to the restroom and I sat on the all too familiar couches that seem to be only in LDS meetinghouses. Directly across from me was this picture-

 

I sat there contemplating my life, my choices, my heart, my testimony and a flood of quiet reassurances flooded over me and I decided then and there that I needed the church in my life.

Shortly after that trip I decided to go on a mission. On my mission I finally learned the gospel on a deeper level than I had in Seminary (which I skipped more time than I should have), Sunday School and Young Womens. Prior to my mission I had only read the Book of Mormon once and I didn't really understand some of the basic tenents of the gospel. My mission was a difficult but precious experience. And, for me, the greatest gift was finally understanding the gospel in which I believed. I know it may sound silly that I believed something I didn't really understand- but I've always been one of those follow your heart type of gals. And even if I didn't understand the reason why- in my heart I felt the spirit and that was enough for me.

 

After my mission, I attended BYU-Idaho and was ready to fulfill my Mormon duties to become a wife and mother in Zion. Although I did everything I could think of to make this happen for myself- it didn't. In the culture of the Mormon church, (at least when I was a teenager) we were taught that eternal marriage was the most important thing in the world. I was taught to look for, pray for and seek an eternal marriage. (Although I think part of the obesssion with marriage is a big part of just being a girl.) And when it didn't happen for me, I felt broken. After BYU-I, I attended singles wards until 31 and then 'graduated'. That was hard. I felt like the church was no longer a place for me. I felt like a failure in Mormonism 101. I felt like sometimes as a single person in the church others looked down on me, that my opinion, worth and value was less as a single person. I also realized a lot of that was my self perception. But, I kept going, I transisitoned to a family ward and occasionally attended the mid singles ward.

 

And life happened. I grew up. My testimony was shaken with a series of trials and new information. And I, again stood at a crossroads- do I continue in my faith or do I leave? As a kid, it's really easy to believe in things you can't see- as an adult you need concrete facts and information. And yet, things of a spiritual nature are just hard to understand and define because so much of it is your heart and undefinable. But, I digress.

 

Over the past few years a lot has changed in my little corner of the world. People who were once everything to me are no longer a part of my life. Members of my family have left the church and have been very vocal in their choices. I have read some things about the church that felt foreign and strange to me. Things are happening in the world that have caused even more people to draw a line in the sand. (disclaimer- I'm not going to go into explicit detail regarding my opinions on some things because I believe you should be careful about what you put on the internet. But, if you are interested in my thoughts, feel free to message me.)

 

Also during this time, my church attendance was a bit sporadic. And honestly, sometimes when I did attend I just sat like a grump judging all the 'happy families' around me. I wallowed in self pity and 'wo is me' kind of mentality. I stopped praying, I stopped going to the temple- and at the same time, reading things that made me question, listening to reasons why family members have left the church. And I allowed myself to ponder this thought, "Maybe the church really isn't true?..." This thought sat with me for quite awhile. I continued on in my day to day, but I let it sit with me and waited to understand what I needed to know. I read about topics both from inside and outside the church. And I started to make prayer more a part of my life (it's funny how easy you fall out of the habit of something and how hard it is to get back in the habit).

 

I remember the first time I prayed after not praying for quite some time. (by the way, the reason I stopped praying wasn't because of laziness, it was because everytime I prayed I got too emotional and I just couldn't deal with that on a regular basis.) I knelt at the side of my bed and din't say anything particularly earth shattering- but I felt an overwhelming feeling of love. And I sat with that feeling for a moment. I had read an article or blog post or something about someone who justified the feelings of the spirit to be something we manufactured within ourselves that we 'make' ourselves feel the spirit that we manipulate our emotions to achieve the desired outcome. I teach theatre, I teach emotions and I am very aware of the physical-mind-emotional connection. And as I sat there, I evaluated my breath, my heart and my body and I came to the strong conclusion that what I was feeling was not coming from me. It was coming from an unseen force that surrounded me. And I sat there realizing once again that God is real and loves me more than I can possibly even comprehend.

 

After that, life still was hard. I still felt sometimes that I didn't belong in such a family oriented church. But then I pulled my head out of the sand and looked around and realized a lot of people for various reasons feel like they don't belong- regardless of the marital status. And I realized I have a place, just like everyone has a place. And sometimes we carve our own place. Often in life we wait for others to come along and tell us where we belong or even that we belong. But, the truth is we create our sense of belonging by getting outside of ourselves.

 

In my family, there still continued to be a lot of conversation about the church and differeing beliefs. I'll be honest- I am super fatigued with the topic. I have felt at times that I am standing alone - and then the lyrics from one of the songs from the musical presentation, "From Cumorah's Hill" comes to mind- I never stand alone, when I stand with God. One night, after a particularly taxing conversation, I went home feeling drained. I don't remember if I prayed or not. But I was standing on a tipping point. My family had said a lot of compelling things that made a lot of sense. It wasn't an emotionally fueled conversation and yet I felt completley drained and empty. The next day was Sunday. But, I didn't feel like going to church. I showered and starting watching TV while my roommate at the time left for church. And in my heart I kept asking the question, "Is it really true, or not..." And as I sat there I felt the prompting- just go. At first I ignored it, but then it came again- just go. So, I threw on a skirt, probably looking quite dishevled and walked over to the meetinghouse. Sacrament meeting was last and I was already late for that. I walked in as the congregation was singing the sacrement hymn, I sat down- opened my hymnbook- started singing and then I was completley overcome. I couldn't stop crying (it was actually pretty embarassing- luckily it wasn't a loud cry- but it did inhibit me from singing and if you've ever been near me when I'm singing, you definitley notice when I stop.) And I knew there was no way I was causing this reaction that seemingly came from no where. You see, once again, like I felt so many years ago at the meetinghouse in New York, I was home. And that is exactly what I needed to feel and remember. That the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is my home.

 

I will also freely admit, I don't have all the answers. I don't 100% agree with everything the church says. I have strong opinions and strive to activley seek all truth outside and inside the church. But I cannot and will not deny what I feel to be true. And although sometimes the world feels like it's crumbling down around me I will still stand.

 

I've also learned that your life becomes what your habits are. That in order for me to learn and grow, I must keep attending church, that I must keep reading my scriptures, that I must strive to have the spirit in my life. Honeslty, Church culture drives me batty. I don't understand so many things, but at the end of the day- I stay because I am compelled to stay and deep down in the very essence of who I am- I know it to be truth. I know where I belong. It's my home. It's not an easy home- it would be so much easier just to stop believing, it would free up some time in my hectic life, I could be free to do 'adult things'. But, I can't because that's not who I am.



Lava

Yesterday I saw the movie "Inside Out" and I loved it. I've read plenty of posts about how universally loved it is and I echo those feelings. As we sat in the theatre, I remarked to my nephew Elliott that I wondered what the short film would be. It started and I thought... how quaint.

 

SPOILER ALERT (If you haven't seen the movie yet now is the time to stop reading and run (don't walk) to the theatre and see the film!)

It's a simple story about an optimistic volcano looking for love and just as he is about to give up forever, love finds him. That is the story in a nutshell. But it spoke to me on such a deeper level. In fact, it made me more emotional than "Inside Out" (which also touched me). I guess the reason why is I've been trying so hard lately to not care about being alone. I've been trying so hard to remain optimistic about my life and situation. And I realized I don't always know what's on the horizon... or just beneath the surface of the ocean. And yes, I am fine with my situation, but sometimes I get very bitter, angry and cynical. Read on-

Here are the lyrics to the song:

A long, long time ago there was a Volcano
Living all alone in the middle of the sea.
He sat high above his bed
Watching all the couples play
And wishing that he had someone too
And from his lava came this song of hope
That he sang out loud every day for years and years.

I have a dream- I hope will come true
That you're here with me and I'm here with you
I wish that the Earth sees the Sky up above-a
Will send me someone to Lava

Years of singing all alone turned his lava into stone
Until he was on the brink of extinction
But little did he know that living in the sea below
Another Volcano was listening to his song
Everyday she heard his tune, her lava grew and grew
Because she believed his song was meant for her.
Now she was so ready to meet him above the sea
As he sand his song of hope for the last time...

I have a dream- I hope will come true
That you're here with me and I'm here with you
I wish that the Earth sees the Sky up above-a
Will send me someone to Lava

Rising from the sea below, stood a lovely Volcano
Looking all around- but she could not see him
He tried to sing to let her know to let her know
That she was not there all alone
But with no lava- his song was all gone
He filled the sea with his tears
And watched his dreams disappear
As she remembered what his song meant to her...

I have a dream- I hope will come true
That you're here with me and I'm here with you
I wish that the Earth sees the Sky up above-a
Will send me someone to Lava

Oh there were so happy to finally meet above the sea
All together now- their lava grew and grew.
No longer are they all alone with Aloha as their new home
And when you visit them- this is what they sing.

I have a dream- I hope will come true
That you'll grow old with me and I'll grow old with you.
We thank the Earth, Sea, the Sky we thank too.
I Lava You
I Lava You
I Lava You.

As a 36 year old never married eternal optimist- it's hard not to harden your heart and become cyncical- and this short was such a sweet little reminder to stay tender and not lose hope. Yes, be happy in your situation, stay optimistic- but not lose hope.

I also read an interview with the director Jim Murphy where he talked about his inspiration for the short. "Lava is Murphy’s passion project that began nearly four years ago after being inspired to create the short when returning to Hawai’i with his family for vacation. It all came together when he researched how volcanoes were formed during the time they were celebrating his sister’s wedding. He commented, “she was just getting married for the first time at 43, so she did a lot of waiting…something that volcanoes also have to do to reveal themselves.”
I loved the part where he briefly mentioned his sister getting married for the first time at 43.

I guess my point is don't let your lava turn to stone. :)

Overwhelmed

I used to be so much better at this whole blogging thing. Although people do read my random thoughts on random topics- it really is just for me. And right now I need a vent session. Usually I put a link on Facebook because I like to get people's opinions on my thoughts- but this one I am just posting. So, I'm not sure if anyone will see it and that's fine with me.


I am beyond overwhelmed right now. It seems like no matter what I do- there is always something on my plate. So, this is a sort of 'checking-in' with myself to see how I can manage my life more effectively and without stress. I will divide my life into the following categories: Career, Emotional/ Spiritual Health, Physical Health, Finances & Relationships.

1. Career-Yes, I absolutely love what I do. Yes, I am incredibly blessed and fortunate to do what I do. I directed "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" at the beginning of May and it was a beautiful experience with some amazing kids. But sometimes, it becomes insanely overwhelming and difficult. Those of you who have been in theatre productions understand that it takes a village. Well, now imagine one person doing the work of at least five, in addition teaching classes, dealing with 'education legislation, common core, benchmarks' and whatever else new-fangled hoop I have to jump through. All while trying to maintain some semblance of sanity. At the end of the year it's hard not to just be done. But the catch is, I am already in planning and prep for next year. It never, ever ends. We also are getting new carpet at the school and I have to move all of the furniture and make room for this to happen. We have the awards this Saturday so I have to make sure we have everything ready to go for that. In addition, I am still the conference director for UACTT (the Utah Advisory Council of Theatre Teachers) and I am seriously in crunch time for all of that. Also, I am teaching two sessions of acting classes at the Hale Centre Theatre. When all is said and done- I will have about a two week summer break. (Those of you who think teachers relax during the summer are seriously misguided and uninformed...) My Career is threatening to overtake all aspects of my life. And lastly- the teenagers. Ok, so I do love them. But sometimes their intensity and center of the universe mentality is too much. Sometimes they forget I am human too. I understand for them that life right now is at a pinnacle- they are excited and scared for the future and they are trying to have the best time they can in high school. And they are apprehensive about the future. And in the midst of all of that is me. And I never leave. And I care... too much sometimes. I need to scale back a bit, but I don't know how. Plus, I am planning on starting my masters degree in the fall. (It's an online Arts Admin MA from SUU) I must be crazy, but it would be nice to have the pay increase. You know I pride myself on always being positive with the kids, but lately that's been hard too. I find myself getting short and negative because I am just so exhausted. I need some recovery time or else I'm not going to make it.
2. Emotional/Spiritual Health- Two years ago my life flipped upside down. Everything I felt strongly about was challenged or gone from my life. My heart was broken and I questioned everything I knew about how I communicate with the Spirit. It has been excruciatingly hard. However, throughout it all- there has been this constant and quiet pull toward things of a spiritual nature. And I know God loves me and has a plan for me. But, while I was going though all this- members of my family made life changing decisions regarding their spirituality. And all of a sudden I found myself feeling insanely alone, and yet I felt like Heavenly Father was with me. It was like it became my sister's mission to get me to leave my religion. That she had experienced some sort of 'enlightenment' and I was confused and in the dark. And although I respectfully disagree. It has been hard (luckily she seems to have given up for now.) She is also making some choices that I find to be completely abhorrent. And it has been heartbreaking to see the change in her. Sometimes I don't even recognize her. Oh well, she is confident in her choices and I have to release the need to have her actions affect me. Back to me- I feel like my emotional and spiritual health has taken a beating, but I am slowly trying to regain my footing and I feel like I have made some strides- but I have no where near the confidence that I used to have in this area. It's become harder to be happy. But, I try to take joy in the small things and remember how blessed I really am. One step at a time.
3. Physical Health- This is probably the worst area for me right now. I just can't seem to get a handle on things and part of me doesn't care. I'm the heaviest I've been in over 15 years (though I'm not quite to the heaviest I've ever been) I need to curb this. My clothes don't fit, I don't like how I feel- but I am lacking motivation. It's like I feel like giving a giant up yours to the world and just eating what I want. However, the only person I'm hurting is myself. I don't need to be the skinniest or fittest person- I just need to feel ok. And I don't and I hate it. It is HARD. I've had many attempts to get this under control. But my stress relief is sitting watching TV and eating. Bad combination- I know. I'm just tired of dieting, of counting calories but if I'm being honest- I've never been super diligent (at least in the past few years) with this, so how can I be tired of it? The ridiculous thing about physical health is it is so intertwined with emotional/spiritual health and that has been a huge stumbling block for me. 
4. Finances- I'm actually ok here. I'm so close to getting out of debt and I recently paid off my car! YAY! I'm looking forward to the day when I am debt free so I can travel again. I miss traveling so much.
5. Relationships- Awhile ago I accepted my fate as a single woman. I thought if this was to be my lot in life I am fine with it. I am fulfilled in many ways and lead a great life. However, very recently wedding photos and happy couples just leave me with a deep ache in my heart. Sure, it's easy to accept the forever single life- but when you see something you'll never have- it's heartbreaking. Realizing I will never get a wedding- I will never have someone choose me- I will never know what it feels like to be in a partnership- I will never have children- I will never have someone witness my life... Those sort of thoughts- facing those- it's hard. (Now, I'm not giving up all hope- I'm just trying to come to terms with my own reality and honestly I can't imagine how anything would change.) I feel very alone a lot of the time. I have a good family but there has been so much dissonance as of late. I have a few good friends but most are married and the single ones have lives of their own. Probably my most significant relationships right now are of the teacher/student kind which can be good- but do not fulfill what I need. I have been attending the mid singles ward for awhile, but it just overwhelms me and makes me feel more isolated because of the sheer size. Anyway, I always have the love of my dogs. It just makes me sad that no one can see me for who I really am, that no one chooses to be with me. Solitude is hard. Especially for a social person. Watching people fall in love and start families makes me want to punch someone.

So there you have it. Now what? Life goes on, I am constantly aging and tomorrow is a new day. What is my life becoming? How can I feel ok again? I'm not doing terribly, I'm just overwhelmed with my life right now and just want to curl into a ball and eat ice cream. Oh well.

Spring Break 2015!

This year found me once again on my yearly trek to Southern California with my students and my dear friend Sarah. Luckily this year was pretty drama free- no trip to the ER, no fainting students. Just a few students who don't understand the meaning of the word, curfew... Otherwise a super successful trip!

First stop was the Earl of Sandwich!

This place seriously makes my heart and tummy so happy!
The second day we spent most of the day in Disneyland. My students went to a workshop and it was so beneficial for them. I had the opportunity to see both the Theatre and Dance workshops and overall it was so neat for the kids to work with these professionals. It really is a priceless experience for them. Also, this year one of the English teachers from my school (Phaedra) came with us. She hadn't been since she was 9 years old so it was especially fun to experience the park through fresh eyes.

The next day we were mostly in California Adventure and I met up with my cousin Emily and her cute family to watch the Aladdin show. It was wonderful to see them! Also, Sarah and I bought and wore our matching Disney shirts!

 

 

 Emily and her adorable daughter, Maicie

 

The next day we went to the Santa Monica Pier and saw "Newsies" at the Pantages in LA. The beach was perfect and the show was amazing. I love being able to give my kids these experiences! My favorite was looking over at my students' faces during the show and seeing their permagrins and excitement.

 The 12 year old me was high-fiving the 36 year old me!

 How could you not just love these cute faces??

 Love the Art Deco style of the Pantages Theatre!

 

I truly am blessed to do what I do. And although it is a ton of work to put these trips together, it is worth it to see how much it means to the kids. I love them.

 

Personal Beliefs

Yesterday concluded General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of which I am a member. The conference lasted over the space of two days- the first day I was on a bus traveling home with 100 students from Disneyland- so I didn't have the opportunity to listen to the conference.
However, I noticed something weird happening on my facebook feed that I would occasionally check. At the second session, the general authorities call for a sustaining vote, they also call if there are any opposed. In my 36 years of life I never recall anyone opposing. Well this time, I few did. And facebook blew up with commentary. People will yelling all sorts of THINGS to make a POINT! (Disclaimer: I have a love/hate relationship with social media particularly facebook. I love seeing what's going on in people's lives, the funny things they post, pictures of loved ones and adventures and I dont mind the occasional respectful debate. However, I HATE the spewing forth of words and opinions without regard to consequence. Although people are not anonymous, they still say things they probably wouldn't say to someone's face. Without physical cues, facial expressions, tone of voice- it is hard to ascertain someone's true intent. It just makes me sad how rude people can be at times.)
Yesterday my sister, who has left the Mormon church, posted a picture that called into question President Monson's claim to be a prophet seer and revelator. When I first saw it, I thought, oh no- here we go again. My sister is not one to back down from opinions- she is not one to hide- but, to her credit- I do feel for the most part she is respectful of beliefs other than her own. Sometimes she makes flippant comments, but because I KNOW HER, I know that she doesn't mean it in the way it could come across.
What followed after was a bit of a firestorm. And at the center of it all was her. Some people agreeing, but some people disagreeing. But what I found troubling was how much some attacked her for having her opinion. What good does that do people? How is that Christ-like behavior? Why is it that our immediate gut reaction is crazy defense without giving pause to the reason why people think the way they do?
I love my sister. I also love the gospel and do sustain President Monson as a prophet. I believe the church is true. She believes it is not. One day we will both know. Until then I will love her, disagree with her, respect her, laugh with her and thank my Heavenly Father that I have such an amazing, interesting, compassionate, thoughtful beautiful woman for a sister.
So, to my fellow believers, I know you feel you are merely standing up for what's right, but keep in mind that the way you stand up can produce way more harm than good. And when it comes right down to it, only you are responsible for your own salvation. We all have a different path to walk, we all have different experiences and we all are imperfect. So instead of attacking, respectfully disagree (which some people did) and then just love.
For the scriptures teach us,  "Judge not, that ye be not judged."- Matthew 7:1 and most importantly- "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another."- John 13:34
So, please- think before you attack someone's beliefs- you would feel terrible if the same thing was done to you.

Parents

One of the aspects of being a teacher (especially one so involved in after school activities) is the interactions with the parents. Probably around 99% of the parents I interact with are incredible. They support my program, their kids, they teach responsibility and help out so much. In short, they are great.
But today, I'd like to mention the 1%...
Every year I take around 100 students to Disneyland with the other directors and some parent chaperones. It is a huge task, but I am happy to do it. Some of the mundane tasks I have to take care of include room assignments. So, I put a sign up sheet on my door and let the kids choose who they will be rooming with. And if they have empty slots or don't sign up, I get together with the other teachers (who know the kids if I don't) and we make assignments. It's not perfect, but I try to make it work for everyone.
Tonight was the big meeting we have before the trip. During the meeting I said room assignments are not negotiable and things will not be changed. After the meeting I had parents come and ask questions and such. Here's the crux of it all...
I had a mom literally start yelling at me because of her daughters roommates. She was yelling how we put her with a girl who last year stole her stuff and she claims to have told all the directors and we did nothing. Just screaming at me. So I put my hand up and I said firmly, I need you to calm down. She continued with her rant- I said calm down. So finally she stopped yelling at me and I told her I didn't remember the incident, we get together and make the assignments, etc... She starts yelling again how we are to blame and her daughter can't be in the room with this other girl (btw, her daughter is a habitual liar). So finally I diffuse the situation and work out a compromise.
She leaves. I'm super irritated. This is is what I want to tell her-
Dear Parent,
I know you think your child is the only one who matters and I need to meet her needs and expectations- but take a look around, there are a hundred other kids here and you need to chill out. You also need to learn that I am much more willing to work with people who are respectful and don't yell in my face to get their way. You cannot intimidate me, I teach teenagers. All you succeed in doing is pissing me off. Instead, approach me in a respectful manner, explain the situation and I will accommodate you best I can. By the way, your daughter tells lies and exaggerates all the time. Maybe you should hold her accountable for her actions and help her learn the lesson of consequences.
So save your hot headed breath, don't yell in my face, and for the love of all I NEED YOU TO CALM DOWN!

My Yahoos

 So, these are some of my yahoos, what I affectionately call my theatre students. Today was the Region 2 Drama competition and we placed third against some incredible schools! As the region rep, I was in charge of the whole shindig and boy was it a lot of work. But it was such a joy to share this moment with these kids.

My favorite moment was after the awards ceremony, my students rushed the stage for a giant group hug. I love them.
I recognize that I am extremely fortunate and blessed. Some people spend their whole lives trying to find fulfillment in their careers. Some people spend years trying to figure out what to do for their career. Not me, I've known since high school that this would be my life calling. Is it hard? Yes. Is it stressful? Yes. Is it heartbreaking? Yes. But I wouldn't change it for the world. It's such a beautiful thing to witness these kids grow into amazing adults. And to know that I have some small hand in that.
So congrats to my kids on their achievement! And thank you for touching my life.

Purpose

Sometimes I lament the fact that my life isn't exactly what I think it should be. That I'm missing out on some grand something. And then I'm reminded, in quiet unassuming ways, that I am doing precisely what I need to be doing. That I am fulfilling my life's purpose.
I received a message from a former student today that really touched my heart. I am so grateful to be a teacher.
"Hi Parkes! I just wanted to write you a message to thank you for all of your hardwork, and to let you know you have made a major impact on my life. I have some awesome news, I got a theatre scholarship! I know that wouldn't have been at all possible if you didn't take under your wing, and teach me everything you know. Looking at how someone has affected your life after the fact is amazing, it all seemed like nothing at the time but the way that everything happened in high school has changed me into the man I am becoming. I hope you know that you touch so many peoples lives, just by the way you are so passionate about teaching, you inspire those of us who think that our lives are over, to do things never thought possible. Thanks Kjersti for all that you do. I am excited to come and see Charlie Brown! I hope you haven't lost too many hairs this year! 😉"

The Rainmaker

 This show.  I've loved this show since I first read it. I've wanted to director for a long time, but was hesitant because there is only one girl and in my world- there are so many girls who want roles. But, I felt like now was the right time to do this piece.

It's a story of a drought - the drought of the land and the drought of a girl's spirit. And a dreamer named Starbuck comes into town and changes everything. It's a story about dreams and reality- what we see and how we see ourselves. It's about love and the power we have to influence others.
The main character, Lizzie is an Old Maid. And maybe that's why I'm so drawn to this piece. I get it. When she tells Starbuck her simple dreams- "a man's voice saying, Lizzie- is my blue suit pressed, come and scratch between my shoulder blades. And how it feels to say the word 'Husband'." A part of my heart break a little. For I too, share those simple dreams. Just having someone to share my life with. I also love the gift Starbuck gives Lizzie. He tells her to find the beauty within herself and that every woman is pretty- they are all pretty in a different way, but they're all pretty. And someday she'll be able to see herself in the eyes of the man who loves her.
Sigh. It's beautiful for this old romantic's heart.

When I set out to do this production, I gave myself about a five week rehearsal period. I didn't anticipate how hard it would be. I understand the play completely- my kids, however, lack some of the life experience needed to infuse these characters. However, they ended up creating a beautiful show. (Although I've never had my leading lady cry more- I demanded so much from her and I am so proud of how she rose to the occasion.) Overall, it was a joy to work on this show- it wasn't perfect- but that's ok. It was fun to watch the kids tackle the mature themes and look at the world from a different perspective. I hope it changed them.