Ode to a Sweaty Classroom

Well, I survived the first week of school in our non air conditioned building built in 1949! (Although the office has A/C, as does the science/math building which was built in 2004) Today when I should of been paying attention in faculty meeting, I wrote this poem instead-

Ode to a Sweaty Classroom

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The bell rings, the day has begun

And I wonder when my mascara will run-

The intense heat, minds are a whirlin'

How long till the fans start a twirlin'?

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Attempt to stay awake- learn something too.

But with this heat? Oh what can you do?

And in addition, the smell is o'powering

You'd think by now the kids would 'get' showering!

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The day is done- you drag your tired feet

Wondering how you could ever repeat...

The sun is shining, oh when will it end?

The pits, the back- You're sweating AGAIN!

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Try to look cute? HA! That's a laugh!

With all of this heat? I wish I taught math-

Then A/C would be my blessed, blessed friend

In the science building, I wish I could send!

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Alas, the heat is here- come now to stay

At least until fall- when it'll finally go away!

And, so I bear it all with a smile-

Because I love it- the kids are worthwhile.

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So, I entertain and try now to teach-

289 kids... yep, all within my reach.

Though I smell- look like a wilted flower...

Let's face facts- I REALLY NEED A SHOWER!

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Here we go again-

Next Monday starts my 4th year as a teacher. Where does the time go? I am excited, but also apprehensive and irritated that I still don't have a sound system, blinds in my classroom and a light board that is functioning. I know I will have tons of stress putting together a show with blood, sweat, tears and duct tape... for one brief shining moment. It's coming so soon!

I have no problem believing in others, seeing their potential, having complete faith in them. Why do I falter with myself? Recently, I've been working with a personal trainer. I started with him before I went to Europe and have been working with him since. He is VERY expensive. I've learned the key to results is really the food you eat more than working out, but I digress. I originally signed up for 20 sessions which round out to about $45 bucks a pop. You do the math... Anyway, I knew the end of my sessions would be coming really soon, I just didn't realize how soon. Tonight he texted me and told me I have five sessions left and he was wondering if I am planning to continue...
I want to. I really want to. I see it as an investment in myself. But, after Europe, my new car last January and day to day life- I cannot afford it.
Besides having him train me, he is such a source of knowledge, and there is the accountability factor. I really want to continue until I reach my goals.
I guess I am just doubting that I can be successful without him. I know on some level I can be, but I've finally felt empowered and like "this is it"...

I went and saw Julie & Julia this evening. Delightful. I miss cooking, I don't do it much for myself. I love food... hence my problem.

Have I learned enough to fly solo? I have no intentions of being super muscular, I just want to be healthy. I like my curves, they just need to be smaller, I like being feminine. Why is it that I have more faith in others than I ever have for myself?

Shhhh... don't tell anyone!

So, I have a secret. Don't let my students know.

I love being a teacher. NO REALLY- DON'T LET THEM KNOW!

As the summer is quickly winding to a close, my thoughts have started thinking about the upcoming school year and I can't help but get a little excited! I have always loved the start of a new school year, the anticipation, the back to school shopping and starting out with a clean slate! Ahhhhh!

So many things in my life have been uncertain, being a teacher is not one of them. Although I may complain at times, may get discouraged, may wonder if it is worth it. I remember, it is. It just makes my heart happy, thinking of the wonderful things that will shape this upcoming school year, the students I will meet and who will have such a profound impact on me. I love these kids, I hope they know that. I can't think of a higher honor than being a teacher.

Things I love about it:

-I am the master of my domain!

-Making the kids laugh by being goofy and doing accents!

-Being there for a student when they need someone to listen

-Seeing a student 'get it'

-Quiet moments

- The applause at the musicals (curtain call always makes me cry when I see my kids take their well-deserved bows, it makes all the headaches, long hours and pain worth it for one shining moment to see the looks on their faces as they bask in the moment!)

-Giving a kid a chance

- Sharing my passion with my students

-Telling stories

- Students just stopping by to say hi

-A Student's genuine smile

-Sharing our lives

-Knowing that in some small way, I can change the world.

Look out world, here I come! :)

Oh dear...

So, I was at the gym yesterday and there was a commercial for a limited edition Michael Jackson lithograph. Which in of itself, isn't very strange. But what I found to be strange was the way the commercial presented the product. A woman hung it on the wall and there were candles all around as she stroked the portrait. I found it to be creepy.
I think it is interesting how people immortalize dead celebrities. I also find it to be a bit creepy.

The power of Hope

I love the word Hope. Hope that someday all the craziness will make sense. Hope that my dreams will come true. In the darkest moments, Hope is still there.
Sometimes it seems like Hope is all I have to hold onto. But, it is enough.

Hope for a dream-

Hope for a love-

Hope for tomorrow-

Hope for a smile-

Hope for a difference.

I truly do love my life. Even the things I don't understand, because then I can grow and learn.

The joys of an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper

Ahhhhhh... I love ice. While I was in Europe, I developed a greater appreciation for ice. Cold Drinks, Air Conditioning...

I also LOVE DIET DR. PEPPER! Yes, I know it is caffeinated and yes it is carbonated, but oh so tasty! And whereas I am trying to not eat sweets, sometimes it just hits the spot! Ahhhhh!

As y'all know (who read this blog with some frequency) I've been rather pensive these last few months, trying to figure out a lot of things, learning from a lot of things and making a lot of mistakes. So what conclusions have I reached?

In short, very few. I used to scoff at the saying 'the older I get the more I realize the less I know', or something like that- I think this is becoming my new mantra. When I was younger, I knew EVERYTHING, had all the answers, I was very smart. And now... life has schooled me. And not always in the most pleasant way. But, I do know, no matter what it is important to try to maintain a positive attitude and enjoy the happiness in life. Forgive others when they have hurt your feelings, spend time with those who love you, take time to dream...

What is it that prevents us from reaching our full potential? When I first started this blog, I talked about my desire to lose weight, and my efforts to do it. And here I am, months later in essentially the same situation- why?

I got home from Europe a week ago, lost 4.5 lbs. (A result of a ton of walking), worked out all week, but ate whatever I wanted. As a result, I am dreading seeing my trainer tomorrow as he gives me the I am disappointed in you look. What is stopping me? I feel like sometimes I am two people- the conscious me and the unconscious me. The conscious me is aware, goes to the Gym, sets goals, takes care of herself... the unconscious me is autopilot and before I know it, I've eaten a half gallon of ice cream in one day (which happened to me last week). The unconscious me doesn't give a rat's patootie about changing and becoming better. And when it comes to eating, the unconscious me often rules the day. I guess this could also be comparable to the natural man.

Becoming aware.

Ms. Parkes goes to Europe! (A brief overview of her awesome trip!)

On July 1st I started my whirlwind trip of Europe!

At Notre Dame with Amy (who lives in Paris!)

At the Eiffel Tower!

Day Two- July 2nd-

At the gates of Versailles

My heat rash (not fun, it was VERY hot that day and that combined with jet lag... hoo boy!)

At the Queen's Hamlet at Versailles
(a place where Marie Antionette would go "play" peasant.)

Day Three- July 3rd-

At St. Chapelle

I was perplexed by the Parisian Cafe's and how all the seats would be turned out so the diners could view the passing public...

Day Four- July 4th- Travel to Munich, Germany

Nate taking a picture of us getting off our overnight train!

At the opera house with my good friend Nate who lives in Germany!

With Brandi at the Hofbrauhaus a world famous beer hall!

Day Five- July 5th-

Brandi & I after Church

Nate & I in the gardens at Nymphenburg Palace

Day Six- July 6th-

At Lake Alpsee near Neuschwanstein Castle

Neuschwanstein Castle (Unfortunatley covered with scaffolding for a remodel)

Day Seven- July 7th- Day trip to Salzburg, Austria

Dancing at the Mirabell Gardens where they filmed scenes from the

"Sound of Music"

At the Sound of Music Gazebo (Unfortunaltey we couldn't go inside, too many people hurt themselves trying to reinact "16 going on 17".

Day Eight- July 8th- Last day in Germany-

Memorial at Dachau concentration camp

Nate & Katherine seeing us off at the train station (we stayed with Katherine while in Munich)

And leaving apparently caused a hoe-down!

Day Nine- July 9th- Danmark!

Eating my 1st Danish meal!

With the Little Mermaid

Day Ten- July 10th-

The original Christus Statue in Copenhagen

On top of the Rundetarn overlooking the city

In Tivoli Gardens

Day Eleven- July 11th- Last day In Danmark

Eating a Danish!

At Kronberg Castle

A Lion at Friedricksberg Castle

Day Twelve- July 12th- Back to Paris

After spending a day of travel, we spent the evening at Disneyland Paris

The Fireworks

So Happy!

Day Thirteen- July 13th-

At the Louvre

At the Paris Opera House

Eating dinner at a street cafe!

Day Fourteen- July 14th-

Glory be and the saints be praised, I found a Dr. Pepper!

Sassy at the Moulin Rouge!

With Amy & Charron at the Arc de Triomphe

Day Fifteen- July 15th- Last day!

Charron & I after riding the Tower of Terror at Disneyland Paris!

Brandi & I at the Rockin' Rollercoaster!

About to go on Small World!

So, there ya have it folks, a brief overview of my trip! And it really is a small world after all!

Auf Wiedersehn, Au revoir and Farvel!

The Ramblings of a Random Mind

So I leave for Europe tomorrow and I am staying up late tonight and getting up really early tomorrow morning in an effort to force myself into sleeping on the plane.
I don't sleep well on planes, I am often quite amusing after red-eye flights... But I want to be awake and alert when I get to Paris, because, hey it's PARIS!
So this is my plan-
1- Go to bed at midnight (in about 20 minutes)
2- Get up at 6:30 am
3- Work out at 7 and train with my personal trainer at 8
4- Run around like a crazy person all day making sure I have all my bases covered
5- Flight leaves at 4:40 pm
6- Dinner will probably be around 6
7- FALL ASLEEP AFTER DINNER!!!!!
8- Arrive in Paris at 11:25 am (3 am Salt Lake Time) rested...

IT WILL WORK!!!

Also, another thought. I HATE it when I do and say things that are unnecessary and cause unnecessary drama and conflict. Why can't I just chill out sometimes? I am so stubborn and emotional and have this annoying habit of being selfish at times. ARGH! Then the moment passes and perspective sets in and I feel foolish. You'd think that I'd have learned this lesson by now, the world does not revolve around MY whims. Blarg!

Another thought, I AM GOING TO EUROPE! Wha? It's a moment I've ALWAYS dreamed about and I am actually doing it! CA-RAZY!!!!!

I am really tired... I hope my plan doesn't backfire and I am THAT much more tired in Paris. Tylenol pm will hopefully be my friend.

Sometimes I wish life had a rewind button...

I got a masters degree... from the streets!

Oh, how I love random conversations!

Tonight my friends Sarah, Wendi & I were heading downtown on trax to go see Amy perform at a concert at the Brigham Young Park (which, by the way her performance was AMAZING!) when we met an awesome man, a sage if you will- reminiscent of the wise men who sit on tops of mountains waiting to impart his wisdom on the masses...

So there we were, unaware of the wise man who would soon grace us with his presence. He was friendly enough, recently relocated from Chicago because apparently the job market is better in Salt Lake.

Sarah & I were talking about working out and I had mentioned how I was sore because of the workout I had received Monday at the hands of my trainer to which the sage interjected, "Girl, what do you mean he worked you out?" I proceeded to explain to him what it meant and he said, "Girl why you wanna get strong?" To which Sarah said, "Well to be healthy and working out can help prevent osteoporosis."
"Girl, I ain't no college graduate, but I got a master's degree from the streets. And I'll tell you one thing, it is what it is, if you gonna get muscularperosis, it's genetics there ain't nothing you can do about it, it is what it is."

Word.

Loving means letting go.

When a mother bird lets her babies fly for the first time, I have to wonder if she has any worries. "What if they fall? Maybe it isn't time? Maybe if I hold on to them tightly...." Instead, she just lets them fly. Then they soar... She has to let them go, and although it may be hard, she lets go.

Recently this concept of letting go has been pounded in my head. It is so hard for me to let go sometimes because I am so afraid of not having control, because it means that things won't work out according to my plan... it means holding so tightly that those I hold cannot fly...

I was also thinking about the perfect love that Heavenly Father has for his children. A love that is without boundaries, that is all encompassing, that is perfect. And how does Heavenly Father show his love? He lets his children go, he lets them grow, he doesn't control them, he lets them make their own decisions, even though he knows not all will return to his presence. Perfect love means letting go-

It's not just pulling someone very near.

It's having faith instead of fear.

It's not how we hold on but how we grow.

It's standing by and letting go...

You take that chance

You let them go.

Letting go means loving yourself. I know for me, the reason I hold on so tightly is rooted in my own insecurities. We all have had so many things that have shaped our lives, happiness, tragedy, unresolved feelings... and we have to let go to be able to love and receive love. Show love to yourself, let it go.

People come, people go- some stay for a moment, some for a lifetime, some forever... Although I wish I could control that- I can't, I have to let it go. And by so doing, I will be able to soar.

Learn to let go.