I'm Sorry- But I'm Not That Strong

Today was graduation. I always get a little emotional seeing my students achieve this milestone in their lives. And then the din from the loud parents cheering, the air horns and the fluorescent lights give me a headache and I am soon over an emotional attachment I may have felt. I will miss them, but there will always be more. I am interested to see where life takes them.

I have been busy with rehearsals for "Joseph..." I play one of the Narrators (yes I said one of them, there is four- which I feel is a bit excessive- but hey, not my production.) It's been frustrating, fun and time consuming. I'm glad school is finally out so I will be able to get adequate sleep!

My Senior performed a play called, "Save the Drama for Your Mama" at the beginning of May.

 It was a compilation of student written monologues and scenes about their experiences that led them to being a senior in high school. It was very moving. I received the following email from one my Students' Mom-
I just wanted to thank you for the program the other night. I was so wowed. It made me look at all of them in a new way. Some of them I've known since they were little and some of them I meet as Todd became involved with them at high school. I love a good play, but it was fun to see them push the edges of their space and think about what they've done and learned through the whole experience. I laughed and I cried and was touched by some of the tender emotions that were expressed.
Please pass on my congratulations and excitement for a job well done. They've turned into some pretty neat adults.
It goes without saying that you have been a wonderful catalyst for all of them. Thanks for being such a good role model and taking them further than they would have gone alone. We think you're awesome!
Julie...the grateful mama

I've also been trying to cast my musical for next year. A week ago I had dance auditions for Once Upon a Mattress, then realized it wouldn't be the right fit for my students. Changed the show to Cinderella, held call-backs and cast the show. Called the publishing house this morning to change the title and discovered CINDERELLA is RESTRICTED because of the upcoming Broadway run. So, changed the show to Sound of Music, held Maria and Capt. von Trapp call backs and cast the show. HOPEFULLY no more changes will be needed! I was incredibly bummed when I found out I couldn't so Cinderella. And it took me about a day to get over it. It was hard. But after I cast the kids (including my two adorable nieces)- I began to feel so much better about the show. And now I am finally excited! I have a really cool concept for The Lonely Goatherd song... I am also SO grateful for my production staff, they are truly a joy to work with.

Memorial Day is always a little hard for me. I always go and visit my Dad. Usually by myself...

 It was a gorgeous day and as I walked toward his grave, I was overcome with emotion. Normally I am pretty composed, I usually stay and chat with him a bit. But this time, I just couldn't stop crying. It has been 9 years since he passed away and I still have a little hole in my heart. I still have questions, I still have unresolved emotions. I still wish I had a Dad. I think we would be friends. I wish he had made different choices...

So, I've been feeling a lot of stress lately. And wishing I had someone to buoy me up. I was listening to my ipod the other day and the song, Anything But Lonely played-
Anything but lonely,
Anything but empty rooms.
There's so much in life to share -
What's the sense when no one else is there?

Anything but lonely,
Anything but only me.
Quiet years in too much space -
That's the thing that's hard to face and
You have a right to go
But you should also know
That I won't be alone for long.

Long days with nothing said
Are not what lie ahead -
I'm sorry, but I'm not that strong.

Anything but lonely,
Anything but passing time.
Lonely's what I'll never be,
While there's still some life in me and
I'm still young, don't forget
It isn't over yet -
So many hearts for me to thrill.
If you're not here to say
How good I look each day,
I'll have to find someone who will.

Anything but lonely,
Anything but empty rooms.
There's so much in life to share -
What's the sense when no one else is there?
What's the sense when no one else is there?

I just kept thinking about the lyric, "I'm sorry but I'm not that strong." Well, I guess I am, but I wish I wasn't sometimes. But the summer is here, so I'll have a break, then the Sound of Music in the fall...
And life goes on...I'm sorry but I'm not that strong...

But, life is good. Just lonely and crazy and fulfilling and stressful and beautiful and fleeting.