Intertwined

Walking along the path of life, two friends meet. Deciding to no longer walk alone, they join for a moment. And in that moment a lifetime passes. They eventually part, promising to keep in touch but not sure how to do it. They walk alone again, carrying the memory of the friend, forever changed. They meet another and another and another... each person bringing them a little bit of who they are. Some lift, some hurt, some leave, some stay.

Chance?

Kindness. Understanding.

Each person I've met has left a bit of them with me. For this I am grateful. Grateful for the kindred spirits, the ones who have tossed me aside, the ones who have humored me, the ones who have hurt me, the ones who have believed in me, the ones who have held me, the ones who have left me, the ones who I have let down, the ones who have trusted me, the ones who have danced with me, the ones who have changed me...       You and I.

Musings at One A.M.

In the mood to write. But I am unsure of what this post will become, so enjoy the journey.
I just saw the movie "Midnight in Paris" and loved it. Loved it. I loved revisiting the beautiful sights of Paris and the witty dialogue throughout the movie.
I am an incurable romantic.
I am mystified by love. I am fascinated by how love moves and defines people. I marvel at how people will move mountains for love.
I sometimes feel like I am an observer (more than a participant) of the human experience. I am constantly watching how people interact and noticing the intricacies of life. Then I bring those observations to my students, because when it comes right down to it- EVERYTHING is driven by emotion, and the most powerful emotions are love and hate (the absence of love), ergo everything is driven by love.
Which brings me back to the romantic in me. Last week my friend read my palm. Now, I am not sure if I am a believer in that sort of thing, but I believe most things are based in truth. She said some rather generic things, but also some things that hit home for me. Upon reading my palm, a sad look crossed her face for a moment when she said, "Oh you have a lot of heartbreak." I simply nodded and shrugged.
Heartbreak. The story of this particular romantic.
Some people, when they have their hearts broken, build an impenetrable wall that no one would even dare enter. Not me. The wall around my heart is more like an unassuming hedge with flowers on it. People can come and go as they please. But, I still love them all. Sometimes I try to build a wall, but I find it is too hard for me. And so I just love. And, yes, my heart becomes broken. But every time there is someone that helps it to heal. And so my poor little mended heart continues to beat. And I continue to wonder how one finds love. The love the poets, songwriters, and playwrights felt.
Or is love just life?

"Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it’s never enough
It’s wonderful to fall
It’s worth of risking all
Even if it hurts just a little too much
I’d rather love just a little too much…"

-Natasha Bedingfield

I often wonder why I have this capacity to love when love itself seems to have eluded me. What would it be like to have someone want to move mountains for me? I wonder. And I wonder if this is merely wishful thinking that has been spoon fed to me my whole life through stories... And yet, those stories had to be based in some sort of reality?
I would much rather love with all my heart and have it broken then never love at all. 
Besides, I love to love. Love in all forms. It's just who I am.

Power of Perseverance

The art of getting up after falling. The joy of moving forward. The peace of forgiving yourself for mistakes.

Feeling much better. Had a great workout today. Feeling optimistic.

Learning to let go, learning to love, learning to live.

One step at a time.

And just because I love this-

And then life happens...

So, after my last post I was super pumped about starting my new path and making the changes. Then life happened... About a week ago I had the worst flu known to man. I seriously had not been that sick for many, many years. It was all I could do to go from the bed to the bathroom and back... ugh. So recovering from that took awhile. Right after my illness (while I was still recovering) I went to a theatre teacher conference in Cedar City. The whole time I was there I was in the worst mood. I still was feeling crappy and I felt like there weren't any workshops for me. (There were a lot that involved physical movement and I just wasn't up to that yet.) In addition, all your meals were provided so my eating drastically changed, plus I was still reeling from being sick.
After three days I cam home and went to the last two nights of "Scarlet Pimpernel". I had been helping with wigs, hair and such. It was so much fun and I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of it. But that also meant REALLY really late nights at the Belgian Waffle Inn...
So, yesterday- I attempted a run. I could only do 1.5 miles before I felt like passing out.
I've lost 0.5 lbs which I guess is something.
I am just in a defeatist mood tonight. I feel like crap. I had awesome momentum and then life happened. I feel bloated and gross and just blah. And I feel like I've set way too high of a goal for myself.
Sorry to be a negative nancy, I'm just in a craptacular mood.
I've tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed... SO MANY TIMES!!
Why should now be different?
I really want it to be.
Making changes is HARD!

Progression

This last year has been a doozy. I went through a lot emotionally, spiritually and physically. I am grateful for the things I learned but I am ready to start the next chapter in my life.
I know before on this blog I have talked about my struggles with weight... it seems to be a never-ending theme for my life. I do well for awhile, but then I fall back into my old habits so easily. And then I stagnate... and stagnate. Constantly wishing things would get better, giving half-hearted attempts to change, but being stuck in my content stagnate state. Being happy, but not really being fulfilled. And not progressing in many ways. Holding myself back from the life that I should have and so desperately want. But what am I willing to do?
So, I decided to set a HUGE goal for myself. One, that right now, seems very unattainable.
It all started when my good friend Cameron decided to run a half marathon last year. Because I wasn't around Cameron very much, I didn't really hear about it until after he had done it. I was very inspired by his dedication and the fact that he just DID it. When Cameron moved to Utah and we began spending a lot of time together, he told me about his decision to do the race and the training that was involved. I was seriously in awe, and I began to think maybe I could do something like that too. (Even though there was this voice in the back of my head saying, yeah right... fat girls don't do this kind of thing.) I sort of mentioned to Cameron that I was thinking about maybe doing a 10K or something and without hesitation he told me I could do it. That meant a lot to me. So, I started thinking maybe I could do it. I have run a few 5Ks, but they are pretty easy. And then I thought, why not set an even bigger goal for myself. One that would seem impossible to attain but also something that I know I could do.
And I feel it's important to share it with all of you to give myself a sense of accountability.
Something that would undoubtedly change my life.
So, here it is- in January 2013 for my 34th birthday I will run the Disney World marathon.
Whew, there it is! It is now on the internet so it has to be true!!
And a special thank you to all who believe that I can reach my goal. I've told a few people that I want to do this and I have been met with nothing but encouragement and positive affirmations. Thank you so much for believing in me.
Each journey begins  one step at a time...

I just love this

I love dancing. And I love this, enjoy.

Sweatpants Society

Last Friday was the high school graduation. I was assigned to monitor a door and keep an eye on the audience and confiscate any air horns or other outlawed items. Being at my perch it gave me a prime opportunity for some good, old-fashioned people watching.

It was fascinating.

Now, a graduation is a pretty formal occasion. A milestone in a life. A time to dress up a little bit.

And yet, many people were wearing jeans and quite a few were in sweatpants... Seriously??? When did that become acceptable? Sometimes I wished I lived in a time where people always dressed up for occasions. Men wore dapper suits and hats and women looked feminine and put together at all times. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good run to the store looking like... well... let's just say not looking my best. But I hate how this mentality has crept into the important and formal events of life.

Going to a wedding but have spent all day in the garden? Who cares! Just wear that grass, sweat stained outfit! Seeing a play in the evening, but doing housework all day? Don't fret! Just wear those sweats down to the theatre, no one will think twice!

How you dress reflects how you feel about the occasion. That's why we dress up. It's shows respect for the occasion and the people with whom you are sharing the moment.
But, alas, we live in a sweatpants society...

Entrances and Exits

"All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players.

They each have their entrances and their exits..."

-William Shakespeare

Tonight was the Drama Club Awards for my students. And thus it ends. I have about 7 more days of school and then my first year teaching high school will be a distant memory. I am no stranger saying goodbye to students, but it is always an interesting experience.

Singing "Some Things are Meant to Be" with Sarah, I adore this girl. She is amazing.

I will miss them, they have certainly kept me entertained over the past months.

This is Kyle, so talented!

I wonder what the future holds for them. I wonder how many of them will do theatre in some way. I wonder how many of them will remember the lessons taught, or the feelings felt. I wonder how many will see their dreams come true, feel incredible heartbreak, and loss. I wonder what they will think when they look back on their senior year. Although at times, it has been hard, I am beyond grateful that I played a small role.

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

-William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet

I LOVE my name. I mean, c'mon it is an epic name- Kjersti Adeline Oda Parkes. I love it.I love that my initals could be a radio station, "You are listening to KAOP your station for the latest hits..." (Once it was a radio station, in the 4th grade when I made tapes as a DJ... but I digress).

As cool as my name is, it is constantly being butchered. I've heard every possible pronunciation of my name that is in existence. When people first meet me, I tell them to not look at the spelling, just to remember it is pronunced Chairstee (like a chair you sit on, then you add stee, I've recited this so many times that I've now heard other people recite it when they are introducing me to new people.) This usually works. Except now... The school year is almost over and some of the secretaries at the school mis-prononce my name. I am positive that I told them the correct pronunciation to begin with, but now they must have forgotten. Do I correct them or just go on being Keerstee? Or Kristen? Or whatever?

C'mon it's like a chair you sit on and add stee!

I love my name, I love that it makes me ethnic (albeit in a Scandinavian way). But do I go on having it butchered?

Mixed Feelings

Into the Woods opens tomorrow. I am glad I will have my time back. I am just trying to enjoy the moment. I hope they know how much I truly care. It is wonderful to watch others shine, sometimes it is such a process to get to that moment. And here we are, and in a few days all that will be left are memories. And in a few weeks, these kids will graduate. And life goes on...