Time marches on

October slipped by without a blog post- I can't believe it is already November.
Needless to say, I've been insanely busy. But it's good, I don't have a lot of time to think about what is missing from my life, instead I just have so much to do each day- and time marches on.
In this rare pause- I'm taking some time to reflect.
Honestly- I'm ok. Honestly, I still feel a little heart broken. Honestly, I wish I didn't feel a little broken. But, I'm better. I'm good when I don't think about it.
Am I better off? Perhaps. I just feel like my life has changed so much and yet it remains the same. I've become so much more guarded and a little more cynical all while still trying to maintain some semblance of hope.
Sigh.
Let it go.
Forget it.
Move on.
Build a wall.
Focus on other things.

I don't know if I will ever find what I am looking for. I'm beginning to think my life is meant to be a solitary one. And I'm ok with that, I love my life- I truly do. I have so much to be thankful for, I have so much light and I am surrounded by so many wonderful people.

This past month has been consumed with performing in "Curtains" as Carmen. Overall it was a positive experience. There were some definite frustrations, but I really needed the distraction and validation. Not to boast, but I am a pretty amazing performer and sometimes I forget what I can do. I get so busy teaching that I rarely take the opportunity to be onstage. And then I am reminded it is home for me. I need to find a way to fit it into my schedule. I love it, I love the challenge, I love the energy from my fellow actors, I love the relationships, I love the applause from the audience...
Sometimes it's good to be reminded. Last night was closing night and although I am glad it is over because I need to put my focus elsewhere, I am so glad it happened. I'm grateful for the new friendships and the ones that have be strengthened.

In addition, I am a little over two weeks away from opening "West Side Story". Wow. So soon. Truly, where does the time go? I have absolutely loved working on this show. The kids are amazing and such a joy to work with and I get goosebumps at nearly every rehearsal. I am so proud of this show, I just have to make sure every thing is ready in time!

So, in short- life is good. I just hope my heart can become whole again. Maybe someday.