Progression

This last year has been a doozy. I went through a lot emotionally, spiritually and physically. I am grateful for the things I learned but I am ready to start the next chapter in my life.
I know before on this blog I have talked about my struggles with weight... it seems to be a never-ending theme for my life. I do well for awhile, but then I fall back into my old habits so easily. And then I stagnate... and stagnate. Constantly wishing things would get better, giving half-hearted attempts to change, but being stuck in my content stagnate state. Being happy, but not really being fulfilled. And not progressing in many ways. Holding myself back from the life that I should have and so desperately want. But what am I willing to do?
So, I decided to set a HUGE goal for myself. One, that right now, seems very unattainable.
It all started when my good friend Cameron decided to run a half marathon last year. Because I wasn't around Cameron very much, I didn't really hear about it until after he had done it. I was very inspired by his dedication and the fact that he just DID it. When Cameron moved to Utah and we began spending a lot of time together, he told me about his decision to do the race and the training that was involved. I was seriously in awe, and I began to think maybe I could do something like that too. (Even though there was this voice in the back of my head saying, yeah right... fat girls don't do this kind of thing.) I sort of mentioned to Cameron that I was thinking about maybe doing a 10K or something and without hesitation he told me I could do it. That meant a lot to me. So, I started thinking maybe I could do it. I have run a few 5Ks, but they are pretty easy. And then I thought, why not set an even bigger goal for myself. One that would seem impossible to attain but also something that I know I could do.
And I feel it's important to share it with all of you to give myself a sense of accountability.
Something that would undoubtedly change my life.
So, here it is- in January 2013 for my 34th birthday I will run the Disney World marathon.
Whew, there it is! It is now on the internet so it has to be true!!
And a special thank you to all who believe that I can reach my goal. I've told a few people that I want to do this and I have been met with nothing but encouragement and positive affirmations. Thank you so much for believing in me.
Each journey begins  one step at a time...

I just love this

I love dancing. And I love this, enjoy.

Sweatpants Society

Last Friday was the high school graduation. I was assigned to monitor a door and keep an eye on the audience and confiscate any air horns or other outlawed items. Being at my perch it gave me a prime opportunity for some good, old-fashioned people watching.

It was fascinating.

Now, a graduation is a pretty formal occasion. A milestone in a life. A time to dress up a little bit.

And yet, many people were wearing jeans and quite a few were in sweatpants... Seriously??? When did that become acceptable? Sometimes I wished I lived in a time where people always dressed up for occasions. Men wore dapper suits and hats and women looked feminine and put together at all times. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good run to the store looking like... well... let's just say not looking my best. But I hate how this mentality has crept into the important and formal events of life.

Going to a wedding but have spent all day in the garden? Who cares! Just wear that grass, sweat stained outfit! Seeing a play in the evening, but doing housework all day? Don't fret! Just wear those sweats down to the theatre, no one will think twice!

How you dress reflects how you feel about the occasion. That's why we dress up. It's shows respect for the occasion and the people with whom you are sharing the moment.
But, alas, we live in a sweatpants society...

Entrances and Exits

"All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players.

They each have their entrances and their exits..."

-William Shakespeare

Tonight was the Drama Club Awards for my students. And thus it ends. I have about 7 more days of school and then my first year teaching high school will be a distant memory. I am no stranger saying goodbye to students, but it is always an interesting experience.

Singing "Some Things are Meant to Be" with Sarah, I adore this girl. She is amazing.

I will miss them, they have certainly kept me entertained over the past months.

This is Kyle, so talented!

I wonder what the future holds for them. I wonder how many of them will do theatre in some way. I wonder how many of them will remember the lessons taught, or the feelings felt. I wonder how many will see their dreams come true, feel incredible heartbreak, and loss. I wonder what they will think when they look back on their senior year. Although at times, it has been hard, I am beyond grateful that I played a small role.

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

-William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet

I LOVE my name. I mean, c'mon it is an epic name- Kjersti Adeline Oda Parkes. I love it.I love that my initals could be a radio station, "You are listening to KAOP your station for the latest hits..." (Once it was a radio station, in the 4th grade when I made tapes as a DJ... but I digress).

As cool as my name is, it is constantly being butchered. I've heard every possible pronunciation of my name that is in existence. When people first meet me, I tell them to not look at the spelling, just to remember it is pronunced Chairstee (like a chair you sit on, then you add stee, I've recited this so many times that I've now heard other people recite it when they are introducing me to new people.) This usually works. Except now... The school year is almost over and some of the secretaries at the school mis-prononce my name. I am positive that I told them the correct pronunciation to begin with, but now they must have forgotten. Do I correct them or just go on being Keerstee? Or Kristen? Or whatever?

C'mon it's like a chair you sit on and add stee!

I love my name, I love that it makes me ethnic (albeit in a Scandinavian way). But do I go on having it butchered?

Mixed Feelings

Into the Woods opens tomorrow. I am glad I will have my time back. I am just trying to enjoy the moment. I hope they know how much I truly care. It is wonderful to watch others shine, sometimes it is such a process to get to that moment. And here we are, and in a few days all that will be left are memories. And in a few weeks, these kids will graduate. And life goes on...

We're Just Friends

We're Friends...
We're Just Friends...
Summing up an entire relationship in one word, just. It is one thing to say, "We're friends", it it something entirely different to say, "We're just friends." The word just could mean that at one time the relationship was different. It could mean that there is hope for something more. Or it could mean that hope for something more is completely gone.
We're just friends.

Commitment, Selfishness and Why I have an Abundance of new Gray Hairs...

High School....
It's interesting when people look back on high school what they have to say. Some people loved it, some people loathed it, some people still look back on high school as the glory days and some people thank their lucky stars that time of life is over. High school is a very self-centered time- most students haven't had the chance yet to really get out of their own realities and take a look at the world around them, realizing there is something out there bigger than themselves.
And then there is me, back in the high school world. Am I insane? Probably, but that isn't the point.
When I started this school year and mapped out some things I wanted to accomplish with my productions. I loved the idea of a Senior Showcase Production. I told my students of my idea and they were incredibly excited. I presented them with a few ideas for shows that we could do and they (almost unanimously) were thrilled with the idea of doing "Into the Woods". I was a little worried that it would be hard to pull of because of the non-musicians in the class, but I finally determined that it would be a good idea to move ahead with the show. It also seemed particularly fitting because "Into the Woods" was the first show I ever directed when I was a senior at Hunter, plus it is my favorite musical... at least it was. The show itself is still tops in my mind, but this process has been one of the most difficult journeys I have ever had.
Let me back up a little...
When I cast the show, we were in the midst of one-acts, "Arsenic and Old Lace", and region competitions. So, the show was put on the back burner for a bit. And when I finally got to the show, I realized we only had about 6 weeks to pull it off. Which, although it would be crazy, I knew would be possible IF the students were committed and dedicated to the project. So I embarked, scheduling daily 6 AM rehearsals, rehearsals during class and after school. I was excited about the project and hoped the students would be to. They weren't. Well, some were, just many seemed to not care. So after some agonizing, frustrating rehearsals, I decided to cut Act Two, which broke my heart. One of the reasons I love the show so much is because of the lessons taught in Act Two about life, redemption, forgiveness and love. Don't get me wrong- Act One is fun, but Act Two is WHY I love the show.
Some kids were disappointed, but they understood why the decision needed to be made. I thought instead of having a thrown together show, I could really focus on making Act One awesome. And then I learned that because I had made this an assignment, some of the kids just didn't care. Whatever was going on was more important than rehearsal. How in the world they expected me to block a scene that they were supposed to be in without them being there is beyond me.
So in the past few days I recast about five parts. My show opens in less than two weeks. I wish the kids would've been upfront with me weeks ago and told me that they weren't dedicated, that they would be flakes and that they would put themselves above everyone else. Then I could have recast then and my stress level would've been greatly reduced. But, no. Instead they just think of themselves...
Sometimes the group is more important than the individual. I was so livid today that I just had to leave. I was about to lose it (and I NEVER yell) so I just left and got a diet coke and breathed until I felt like I could return. During this whole process I have tried so hard to put aside myself and think of what is best for the kids. How to reprimand them without humiliating them but still having them feel the weight of what their actions have done.
I just wish they had commitment, I wish they could see beyond themselves, and I wish I didn't find new gray hairs every day...
What have I learned?

1. NEVER EVER just assign parts, you must always have auditions, I think it cause the kids to actually care.
2. Give yourself ample amount of time to put together a production when you are working with people who do not share your same work ethic.
3. Remember senioritis...

So, in two weeks on May 11th, 12th and 13th my seniors will be presenting Act One of "Into the Woods". Come see it, it should be entertaining, because, luckily, all the less-dedicated kids are out of the show and the ones that are left are working hard.
I usually have mixed feelings as a show is about to go into production. I am just ready for this to be over.

Dear Life-

Dear Life,
You have been interesting as of late so I decided to drop you a little note and let you know how I feel about everything. The song I posted above is a song called "Someone Like You" and it just speaks to my heart. Especially her comments before she sings the song... I can totally relate.
You see, Life, I never do anything half-hearted... especially when it comes to loving people, regardless of the nature of the relationship. I think I may be a bit of an expert when it comes to loving people. Or maybe I am just a fool.
Often I am the one to go through an experience just to have to let go of people and be happy for them. And although, I do wish the best- sometimes it is hard to have empty arms.
But it is ok, it will be ok, it is always ok. Sometimes I hate being an eternal optimist...
You know, I think it would be really neat if someone could love me too.
So, I throw myself into my work. The work of building teenagers. The work of believing in yourself. And Life,  it is rewarding... but fleeting. Again, the idea of loving and then letting go so people can grow. And new people come and new experiences happen and new memories are made. Then, again, all too soon... things change. Sometimes things that seemed like they would last are gone. So, I adjust, and I smile, and I find the beauty, and I pray. But, Life, sometimes...
Love, Kjersti

Hey Old Friend

"Hey Old Friend

What d'ya say old friend?

Are you okay old friend?

Are we, are we unique?

Time goes by-

Everything else keeps changing

You and I, we can

Continue next week.

Most friends fade

Or they don't don't make the grade

New ones are quickly made

Quickly they're no longer new.

That's us old friend-

What's to discuss old friend."

-Stephen Sondheim

I am incredibly blessed with some amazing friends. Earlier this week I went to New York City to see some shows on Broadway. I wasn't quite sure what I would be doing with the rest of my time, so I decided to contact some old friends who are living in the city.

I stayed with my friend Brenda who I knew from the costume shop at BYU-Idaho. She was beyond generous- allowing me to stay at her apartment, going to two shows with me, eating the AWESOME toasted marshmellow shake... And just talking.

I visited with my friend Ryan and his fiance, Jaime. Love them!! I couldn't even remember the last time I had seen Ryan, but it was if no time had passed.

Then I saw my friend Jeff who is studying acting. He was so crazy busy that I was only able to get together with him after a show. But it was so good to see him!

And finally, my friend Valerie who was a roommate from college. I LOVED catching up with her! Eating Thai food and rice pudding and sharing stories.

I love that about friend- how time passes- and yet you can just pick up as if you just saw them the day before. I am incredibly fortunate to have the friends that I do.

Also this week was "Office Night" with my friends- Amy & Chuck, Hilly & Tavnir, Kristi & Andrew, and this week Cameron also came. I love getting together with these folks! We talk and laugh and sometimes we watch "The Office"... sometimes. I love it, I love the interatctions I have with these dear friends. 

"If we truly want to be tools in the hands of our Heavenly Father in bringing to pass His eternal purposes we need only to be a friend." -Elder Marlin K. Jensen