Subjective Expectations

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I woke up bright and early at 6 am from a dream that put me in an incredibly sad mood. In the dream, a person whom I trust  broke that trust, betrayed me and essentially broke my heart. Thank heavens it was just a dream, but sometimes with dreams, emotions have a tendency to linger.
So, the day started on a rather sour note.
Yesterday was State Drama competition. Last year at the competition I knew I had a solid team, but I didn't really have any expectations on how we would rank. Well, much to my delighted surprise, we placed 3rd! So, this year, as you can imagine, my expectations had shifted a little.
I tried to not have it affect me.  I tried to not care. I told my kids to focus on preparation and that's all that mattered. But, truth behold, I did care. I wanted to place in the top three and after a strong showing at region, we were in a plush position to do just that.
It all started to unravel a bit at our showcase last Wednesday. The pieces, overall, we're just ok. Some were incredible and some were... But art is subjective and hopefully the kids would take it up a notch before Saturday and  hopefully their judges would respond in positive manner to what they were presenting.
On Thursday, we presented our One Act, The Spirit of Life. I felt like it has gone ok. We followed Alta High (who ended up taking first in practically every category) and I knew it would be hard to not make a comparison. The kids did a good job, but the judges didn't seem to respond to the performance, nitpicking it apart. Although all three did give us a superior performance.
Back to yesterday, so after my funky morning, I was hopeful that my kids would pull it off. The morning started with a student being bumped and dropping a heavy set piece on her toe causing it to bleed severely, but she soldiered on and we t on to get a superior medal.
As the scores for the first round started coming in, I quickly realized I had overshot my expectations. My kids were doing ok...
I heard later that a student who I could usually count on for outstanding performances had actually told her friend on the bus ride to the competition that she didn't care about her performance... Well if she doesn't care, why should I care? And her scores showed it, which brought the overall team score down. Although they compete as individuals, they also are part of a team.
Needless to say, it was a rather disappointing day. I'm not sure exactly where we placed but I am pretty sure we were somewhere in the middle. Mediocre at best.
Oh well, it was just a bit of a let down.
Fourth quarter is always the hardest one. The seniors start succumbing to their imaginary disease, "senioritis" and become incredibly flaky and disinterested. The weather gets warmer and we all get a little bit of cabin fever. And yet now is the time to focus and make sure everything is done between now and the end of the year.
I'm glad state is over. But I always have things I'm busy working on... I need a vacation.  A time to remember what it's like to be Kjersti, not just Ms. Parkes.

Teenagers

I just finished watching the last session of general conference for the LDS church. There was a lot of talk about missionaries with the age change that happened last conference. Since that time, many more young people are going on missions and it has been interesting to watch the change happen first hand with my own students.
Some things I've noticed is the increased excitement amount the teens. But, the most exciting thing to me is when almost every girl is now making a mission a part of her plan. I can't imagine the good that will come from the increase of sister missionaries.
Also, this morning, a convert from my mission posted on face book about how she was watching conference. So, I commented and then my companion at the time commented also. 39 comments later and a few tears shed, my heart was filled with gratitude that I had been given such a precious opportunity to be an instrument in the Lord's hands.

I also got back a few days ago from my annual trek to Southern California with my students and fellow faculty members in the Performing Arts. And again, I was impressed with my students' behavior, professionalism, attitude and kindness. They truly are the cream of the crop. And I am so, so blessed to be a part of their lives. Because, this coming generation is going to change the world.
One of my favorite moments on the trip is when a student mispronounced the phrase "relive the magic" to "relieve the magic" which became the running joke! Jumping jellyfishes!!
Also, one evening after attending a pirate diner show, I kept my bus entertained with puny jokes and wacky dialects. I am such a goofy person. But, I love it, I love making others laugh, I love connecting with this teenagers and I love that I am given this precious opportunity.
And, on a spiritual note, I am so grateful that The Lord is mindful of me and is gently guiding me where I should be, if I but listen, humble myself and have faith- I know everything will turn out as it should be and in the meantime I will learn, grow and have experiences that will allow me to become the person I am meant to be.

Acceptance

"His invitation, “Ask, and ye shall receive” (3 Ne. 27:29) does not assure that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father that loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than do you.” -Elder Richard G. Scott

Sigh...

The above quote perfectly illustrates on of the hardest concepts for me. You see, I am a bit of a control freak and it's only become worse as I have spent my profession as a drama teacher. I am great at being in charge and I am used to being the leader of my own dominion. I control my environment, I make decisions and things usually go my way. That is, in my profession- in my personal life- it's an entirely different story. 

I was talking with a dear friend today about how I struggle with certain things in my life. How I fear that time is passing me by as I get older. And he reminded me that I need to let go and basically chill out. I'm trying to learn to give the controls over to The Lord. And have faith, faith that someway, somehow everything my heart desires will come to pass. Someday, all in the right time.

So, in the meantime I live my truly awesome life! I laugh, I teach, I grow and I have spontaneous dance parties! 

I need to accept things as they are and look forward with a brightness of hope and never lose sight of the fact that The Lord is in charge. 

The Spirit of Life

So much has been happening this past month! First off, my students competed at region and placed FIRST!!!! I am so proud of them and their efforts! The one act I've been doing with my students is entitled "The Spirit of Life" and it is taken from a book called "The Hasidic Tales of the Holocaust" the stories are laced with hope, overcoming fears, tenacity and the light that shines through the darkness. It is truly a beautiful piece and it has changed both me and my students.

I love how Theatre can be used as a tool to teach and understand humanity and how we are all connected. I love it. I love how my students inspire me and are willing to work for me. So blessed.
Next week I am heading to Disneyland with about 100 students for out annual tour. It may sound crazy, but it is so much fun! I love my kids.
I've also been thinking a lot lately about progression. I've been attending my family ward for a year now and although I've enjoyed my time here, I keep wondering if it is time for me to go to the older singles ward. Lets face facts... besides my feeble attempts at the online dating world, I don't ever have opportunities to date. And last night, out of curiosity, I made the mistake of looking up women's fertility online... According to the sites I looked at, 35 is the age when everything really starts to head downhill and it becomes increasingly difficult to get pregnant... Awesome... Which means if I want children I needed to get married yesterday...
Two weeks ago I was convinced to go to the other ward. Then last Sunday, I felt like I should stay. Which is it?
Just feeling older I guess. I always felt like I would have all the time in the world to become a wife and a mother, now I'm not so sure.
I'm at a loss... What to do, what to do?

February

Since I started my blog a few years ago, I have posted at least once a month... until now. I missed February 2013- it just slipped by without notice because so much was happening.
On February 14th, 2013- my Grandma Adeline Petty passed away. She had been sick for a long time so it wasn't really a shock. As I explained to a friend- it's not really tragic, it's just incredibly sad. I think it's been hardest on my Mom. She has spent nearly every day for the past three years taking care of Grandma, her Mom.
Relationships.
At the end of January-beginning of February my students performed the play "Over the River & Through the Woods"- a story about how relationships (specifically family) shape who we become. "How much do we owe someone for their devotion? Can it ever be enough?"

Burnt Out

They say too much of a good thing isn't good for people. I agree. One of my favorite things in the world is the theatre, hence my career choice.

But, right now, I am burnt out from theatre. I just returned from a three day conference with my students at Westminster College. I think the kids had a great time, learned some things, a few auditioned for scholarships and were successful.
But, I wanted to be anywhere but there.
Talking shop with other teachers, attending workshops on acting techniques, making sure no kids were left behind. I. was. just. done.
Not to mention the horrendous weather. In Salt Lake City, we have a yucky inversion each winter. We were outside a lot in freezing rain and fog. It just made things more obnoxious.
I just need a break. I need to find balance. I need to find the time.
This has been my school year so far- September - November- "Sound of Music", then I took a weekend and auditioned for my next show "Over the River & Through the Woods" which opens this week. All while this is going on I am working to get students ready for Region and State competition (last year we placed 3rd, so I want to do just as well if not better. I hope to uphold our reputation.) This week are auditions for the first student production and I hope I've done enough to help advertise the show. Also, for region one-acts I've decided to do a show called the "Spirit of Life" which is based on accounts from the holocaust. I'm working with my Theatre 3 class (the juniors) to do the one-act. It's a beautiful and poignant story which is also movement based. When I first decided to do the show, I was excited to do the journey. Now, I have no desire to go on the journey. I am not feeling inspired, and in fact I am quite reluctant to do the work. Also, I have some administrative responsibilities that have to be taken care of.
I go, go, go, go & go. And I am tired.
But, I have to keep going- it's my job. Maybe it's just the weather.
Sigh- I know I need to seek out more social opportunities, but I am torn. I am tired and often have no desire to meet new people, but, at the same time, I know in order to meet new people and possibly date people I have to meet. new. people...
I would just like to have a spouse to support me through all of my madness, listen to me vent... I keep a lot of my thoughts and emotions internally during the day so I don't take it out on the students... so I vent to the dogs... who are great listeners... but not too much for the talking... oh well.
For some reason, turning 34 has been quite hard. It hit me a few weeks ago in church. I am the chorister so I just sit on the stand each Sunday (because I have no one to sit with in the congregation.) Anyway, a woman spoke and stated she has been married for two years and had met her husband in high school. Where she had graduated in 2010...
Not only am I too old to be in the singles ward, I am too old to be a young adult in my own ward. I feel like I am rapidly approaching middle age. I am feeling so much older than I ever have. Which makes sense, but usually it doesn't bug me too much.
Also, I had a frustrating thing happen recently with my finances... so much stress...
So, yeah, I just want to go somewhere warm, with people I love and who make me happy. I want to wear shorts and watch the sunset on the beach.
But, I trudge to the school each day and fake enthusiasm and do theatre...
Just keep swimming... I guess.

Highlights of 2012

So, as I sit here on the last night of 2012 before the New Years Eve festivities- I am in a reflective mood, 2012 was an interesting year. A lot changed- but at the same time- a lot remained the same.

January-

I started out 2012 by turning the ripe old age of 33 and buying my very own place. I also directed a hilarious play, "See How They Run", which was by far the easiest cast and most fun I have had directing.

February-

I moved into my place.

March-

I hosted the Region Drama competition.

April-

I took 100 students to Disneyland! My students also placed 3rd at the State Drama competition and won best play along with 10 other awards at the District Drama awards.

             May-

Welcomed my newest nephew, Oliver.

June-

Starred as one of the Narrators in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" for Murray City.

July-

Spent 2 1/2 weeks in Florida to help Ben & Luana get ready to move and spend some time in one of my favorite places in the world with some of my favorite people.

August-

Went to Disneyland three days after getting home from Florida. 

September-

Started my 7th year as a teacher. (Where does the time go?)

October-

Spent the majority of my time in rehearsals for the Sound of Music.

November-

Directed the amazing musical, "The Sound of Music."

December-

Became a dog owner with my new shih tzus- Cosette and Eponine.

A lot of things I wanted to accomplish- I didn't do. Mostly health related. But, overall, it was a great year- full of growth and introspection.

So, 2013?
What will you hold? I've been thinking about change lately. It's so easy to project feelings onto others and try to fix them and just wish THEY would change. When, in fact, the only person you can change in yourself.

Me in 2013?
Well... I want to be better. Better at taking care of myself, better at taking care of others... just better. So in a year from now I can look back and see how far I've come. And how I'VE changed.

It's time... 

To love another person is to see the face of God.

I have always loved the musical, "Les Miserables". I have every. single. word memorized.

It's been awhile since I've delved into the world of Les Mis- (my Les Mis phase was during my teenage years.) And although I know it by heart- it was moving to explore the story again as an adult.
I saw the movie version tonight with a little trepidation. I was wary of the singing and had very low expectations. I was prepared to critique and rip apart the vocals, but instead I found myself on a journey.
I was particularly struck by Jean Valjean in a way I had never been before. Perhaps it's the addition of a few more years and a few more trials and a few more heart breaks, but his story resonated with me. He truly turned his life to God. Although, I guess on some level I always understood that- tonight I understood it on a new level. He turned his life to God.
I hate to admit it, but my heart has become somewhat cynical and hard. I try to find gratitude in my life, but sometimes I get so caught up in what I long for and don't have that I become almost angry and bitter. I turn away from God instead of turning to God sometimes.
And God's mercy and love abounds in my life.

A few weeks ago, my life took an unexpected turn. I acquired two dogs. I've never had dogs before but I thought it would be a good idea. They are four years old and are sisters. I named them Eponine and Cosette (like any proper Theatre teacher should!) They are adorable. Each time I come home they are overjoyed to see me, they are so sweet with everyone and I love having them.

I also have these precious souls in my life. They enrich my life so much and I love them dearly.

As I sat through Les Mis tonight I also thought about the magnitude of humanity and how everyone is a part of it all. We all have choices, we all influence each other and we all have the power to lift others. One man reaching out to another changed a life, which, in turn, changed others. It is true that change doesn't occur in front of millions. It's in quiet moments when true character is revealed that we become who we truly are.

So, I loved the movie- cried pretty much the entire time. Left feeling grateful for life, grateful for my blessings and most important- grateful for a merciful, loving Heavenly Father who truly loves me, who has a plan for me if I am but trusting and faithful enough to give my life to Him, so He can make me who I can become. And that my friends, it the true test of life.

And so, we carry on- we have heartbreak, joy, pain, sorrow, laughter, disappointment and grief. But, it is so wonderful.

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

The Sound of Music

The following is the director's note I wrote for the program-

"When I was a little girl, one of my earliest memories was watching “The Sound of Music” and singing along with Julie Andrews while dancing around my living room. I think, for most of us, our first introduction to musicals is this timeless tale of family, courage and love. I have always had a special place in my heart for the Von Trapp family- and this particular musical. I love the message of light in the darkness and standing up for your beliefs in the midst of great opposition.

Working on this show has been such a journey for me. But, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the sacrifice, creativity, and support from countless people. First a huge thank you to my fellow performing arts teachers- Dr. Mark Pearce, Kelley Allred and Josh Miller. I am so fortunate to be able to work with such talented and amazing artists! Thank you to Mike Virgin for spending so many hours (right after his knee surgery) building the sets and listening as I tell him- “Oh there’s just one more thing that needs to be built…” Jeremy Tritchler for stepping in and lending a helping hand with the set construction- Ranleigh Johnson for painting the set- Nick Cornish for coming back to help with lights and Tyler Barber for managing stage left. The many students and parents who spent their Saturdays with me making stained glass windows out of cellophane, painting rocks and doing the finishing touches to make the show beautiful.

To the parents- thank you for the costumes, the rehearsal treats, the props and allowing your child to be a part of this amazing journey. Thank you for trusting me to teach your child.

To my family- for their love, support and humor and especially to my sister Annelise Murphy. Without her, the show would not have been ready in time. She graciously lent us her microphones from her company, Poison Ivy Mysteries, and spent hours with the students making sure they know how to make the sound work. I am so grateful that she has sacrificed her time, talent and energy for this show.

And finally- my students. It is for them that I do what I do. I have LOVED going on this journey with them. They are truly incredible people and I am so humbled to be their teacher. So thank you to my yahoos- for their talent, dedication, love, humor, concern, diligence, sacrifice, kindness and fearlessness.

Enjoy the show."

It was an amazing experience, as it usually is. There is something so magical about creating a moment, creating a glimpse into another world and taking an audience on a journey. Giving students a moment to shine, a moment to grow, a moment to sacrifice and a moment to love. It truly is amazing-

And now some pictures- 

Something Good

This. Has. Been. A. Journey.
Theatre is a fascinating animal. We spend months, countless hours and thousands of dollars for four performances. There are sacrifices made, tears shed, neglected sleep, and fires extinguished. I have had many moments this past week where I wanted to be done. And then, I stop and watch what is happening onstage for a moment, and I am reminded.
I am grateful for the beautiful moments last week. I am grateful for good friends who listened to me process the whole situation so I could be my best for the kids.
Final dress is Monday-
Bring it-