Why I love Snape

Now, if you haven't read or seen all of the Harry Potter series then I suggest you stop reading right now- RUN to your nearest library and devour the books.

A few words about Snape- he is unlikable, cold, unattractive, and basically an all around bad guy. There was still something about him that intrigued me.

Even when Snape killed Dumbledore at the end of book 6, I still didn't believe he was as evil as he appeared. There always seemed to be more to his story and his character.

"Alan Rickman as Severus Snape: Probably the most fascinating figure in the Potter world because of his shifting alliances and an emotional depth that's unexpected given his icy demeanor. Rickman is captivating in the role, with his droll, deadpan delivery that oozes condescending menace. A half-blood wizard, Snape has been a minion of the evil Lord Voldemort as well as an ally of Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore. He's served as the intimidating Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and eventually headmaster himself but he's also been a protector of Harry. Snape bullies his students but he also reveals his bravery, and in this final film, a flashback that explains his history with the young wizard provides one of its most poignant scenes.-By CHRISTY LEMIRE, AP Movie Critic

Yes, Snape is not the most sympathetic character. He did some very dark things. But, in the end, love motivated everything that he did. Lily Potter was his best friend and  in the end he sacrificed everything for her son. He did everything for her. He experienced unrequited love. A love that is very one-sided and can often leave those who feel those feelings alone and in despair. But, no matter, he still loved her. And his final actions exemplified his love. He could've let the fact that Lily chose James over him motivate him to ruin her family and her. He could've really been Voldemort's right hand man. Instead he sacrificed himself for a love that would never be reciprocated...


"I – I come with a warning – no, a request – please – ”

“The – the prophecy … the prediction … Trelawney …”

“Everything – everything I heard!” said Snape. “That is why – it is for that reason – he thinks it means Lily Evans!”

“You know what I mean! He thinks it means her son, he is going to hunt her down – kill them all – ”

~~~

“I have – I have asked him – ”

“You disgust me,” said Dumbledore, and Harry had never heard so much contempt in his voice. Snape seemed to shrink a little, “You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?”

Snape said nothing, but merely looked up at Dumbledore.

“Hide them all, then,” he croaked. “Keep her – them – safe. Please.”

“And what will you give me in return, Severus?”

“In – in return?” Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, “Anything.”

~~~

The hilltop faded, and Harry stood in Dumbledore’s office, and something was making a terrible sound, like a wounded animal. Snape was slumped forward in a chair and Dumbledore was standing over him, looking grim.

“I thought … you were going … to keep her … safe …”

“DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone … dead …”

“I wish … I wish I were dead …”

“What – what do you mean?”

“He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone – ”

There was a long pause, and slowly Snape regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last he said, “Very well. Very well. But never – never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear … especially Potter’s son … I want your word!” 

Some may argue that Snape was selfish and a coward. Perhaps this is true. But isn't that true at times of even the best of us? I just love how his story ends. I love the unlikely, unlovable hero.

Beauty

So, like the rest of the world I am somewhat enamored with William and Kate. I also love fashion, but I dislike how most fashion icons are immodest. Not Kate. I realize it may have something to do with her royal title, but I think it is setting a new standard for beauty. In a world that thinks these dresses are the standard for beautiful (And I admit they are pretty, but show way too much skin-)

Then enter Kate-

Classy and beautiful. I love it.

Seems to be my lot in life

This post is just for me. I may eventually publish it, but right now it is just for me.
True love is selfless, true love is trusting, true love is wanting them to be happy. Even if it means letting them go.

In the movie, "My Best Friend's" Wedding there is a scene at the end where the happy couple is leaving and Julia Roberts is lost in the crowd and she is trying to get to her best friend to say goodbye. Then he appears out of nowhere, embraces her, and then leaves her alone.

That girl is me. The girl who is always saying goodbye. The girl who makes sure that everyone feels loved.

I remember when my best friend from high school got married. When I got home from my mission, he was dating the girl that eventually became his wife. I knew he was going to marry her the moment I met her. She was just perfect for him. I remember being in the Temple with them, helping decorate their car at the reception, and bidding them goodbye when they drove away. I also was in love with my best friend for six years. And even in that moment, a part of me still loved him. But, I knew I was not the right choice for him and I loved the choice he had made. Part of me still loves him. He was my best friend.

I am so sick of having to learn this lesson over and over and over again. I just keep hoping that someday someone will choose me. Someone who is the absolute best for me. Someone who will be so ecstatic that we are together.

So, I won't tell you how much I love you and how much I want to be the one you choose. Instead I will give my blessing to you. Instead I watch you choose someone else. And I am happy for your happiness. And I realize it's still so preliminary, but I think it's just a sign for things to come.

I've known you forever, and I figure if you wanted me, you would've chosen me by now.

So, no matter what, I know I will be ok. And I am beyond grateful for your friendship. You have been a rock in my life, you have done so much for me and I will always love you. And I will always have your back.

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you
Just get on the phone, I got you
Come and pick you up if I have to.

What's weird about it
We're right at the end
Ain't mad about it
Just figured out in my head
I'm proud to say- I got you.

Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright 
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better or worse
I got you.


Ain't falling apart or bitter
Let's be bigger than that and remember
The cooling outdoor when you're all alone
Won't survive it, no drama, no need for a show
Just wanna say I got you.


Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright 
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better or worse
I got you.

'Cause this is love and life
And nothing we can both control
And if it don't feel right
You're not losing me by letting me know

Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better, for worse I got you

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you
-Leona Lewis "I Got You"


I'll be alright.

Intertwined

Walking along the path of life, two friends meet. Deciding to no longer walk alone, they join for a moment. And in that moment a lifetime passes. They eventually part, promising to keep in touch but not sure how to do it. They walk alone again, carrying the memory of the friend, forever changed. They meet another and another and another... each person bringing them a little bit of who they are. Some lift, some hurt, some leave, some stay.

Chance?

Kindness. Understanding.

Each person I've met has left a bit of them with me. For this I am grateful. Grateful for the kindred spirits, the ones who have tossed me aside, the ones who have humored me, the ones who have hurt me, the ones who have believed in me, the ones who have held me, the ones who have left me, the ones who I have let down, the ones who have trusted me, the ones who have danced with me, the ones who have changed me...       You and I.

Musings at One A.M.

In the mood to write. But I am unsure of what this post will become, so enjoy the journey.
I just saw the movie "Midnight in Paris" and loved it. Loved it. I loved revisiting the beautiful sights of Paris and the witty dialogue throughout the movie.
I am an incurable romantic.
I am mystified by love. I am fascinated by how love moves and defines people. I marvel at how people will move mountains for love.
I sometimes feel like I am an observer (more than a participant) of the human experience. I am constantly watching how people interact and noticing the intricacies of life. Then I bring those observations to my students, because when it comes right down to it- EVERYTHING is driven by emotion, and the most powerful emotions are love and hate (the absence of love), ergo everything is driven by love.
Which brings me back to the romantic in me. Last week my friend read my palm. Now, I am not sure if I am a believer in that sort of thing, but I believe most things are based in truth. She said some rather generic things, but also some things that hit home for me. Upon reading my palm, a sad look crossed her face for a moment when she said, "Oh you have a lot of heartbreak." I simply nodded and shrugged.
Heartbreak. The story of this particular romantic.
Some people, when they have their hearts broken, build an impenetrable wall that no one would even dare enter. Not me. The wall around my heart is more like an unassuming hedge with flowers on it. People can come and go as they please. But, I still love them all. Sometimes I try to build a wall, but I find it is too hard for me. And so I just love. And, yes, my heart becomes broken. But every time there is someone that helps it to heal. And so my poor little mended heart continues to beat. And I continue to wonder how one finds love. The love the poets, songwriters, and playwrights felt.
Or is love just life?

"Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it’s never enough
It’s wonderful to fall
It’s worth of risking all
Even if it hurts just a little too much
I’d rather love just a little too much…"

-Natasha Bedingfield

I often wonder why I have this capacity to love when love itself seems to have eluded me. What would it be like to have someone want to move mountains for me? I wonder. And I wonder if this is merely wishful thinking that has been spoon fed to me my whole life through stories... And yet, those stories had to be based in some sort of reality?
I would much rather love with all my heart and have it broken then never love at all. 
Besides, I love to love. Love in all forms. It's just who I am.

Power of Perseverance

The art of getting up after falling. The joy of moving forward. The peace of forgiving yourself for mistakes.

Feeling much better. Had a great workout today. Feeling optimistic.

Learning to let go, learning to love, learning to live.

One step at a time.

And just because I love this-

And then life happens...

So, after my last post I was super pumped about starting my new path and making the changes. Then life happened... About a week ago I had the worst flu known to man. I seriously had not been that sick for many, many years. It was all I could do to go from the bed to the bathroom and back... ugh. So recovering from that took awhile. Right after my illness (while I was still recovering) I went to a theatre teacher conference in Cedar City. The whole time I was there I was in the worst mood. I still was feeling crappy and I felt like there weren't any workshops for me. (There were a lot that involved physical movement and I just wasn't up to that yet.) In addition, all your meals were provided so my eating drastically changed, plus I was still reeling from being sick.
After three days I cam home and went to the last two nights of "Scarlet Pimpernel". I had been helping with wigs, hair and such. It was so much fun and I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of it. But that also meant REALLY really late nights at the Belgian Waffle Inn...
So, yesterday- I attempted a run. I could only do 1.5 miles before I felt like passing out.
I've lost 0.5 lbs which I guess is something.
I am just in a defeatist mood tonight. I feel like crap. I had awesome momentum and then life happened. I feel bloated and gross and just blah. And I feel like I've set way too high of a goal for myself.
Sorry to be a negative nancy, I'm just in a craptacular mood.
I've tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed... SO MANY TIMES!!
Why should now be different?
I really want it to be.
Making changes is HARD!

Progression

This last year has been a doozy. I went through a lot emotionally, spiritually and physically. I am grateful for the things I learned but I am ready to start the next chapter in my life.
I know before on this blog I have talked about my struggles with weight... it seems to be a never-ending theme for my life. I do well for awhile, but then I fall back into my old habits so easily. And then I stagnate... and stagnate. Constantly wishing things would get better, giving half-hearted attempts to change, but being stuck in my content stagnate state. Being happy, but not really being fulfilled. And not progressing in many ways. Holding myself back from the life that I should have and so desperately want. But what am I willing to do?
So, I decided to set a HUGE goal for myself. One, that right now, seems very unattainable.
It all started when my good friend Cameron decided to run a half marathon last year. Because I wasn't around Cameron very much, I didn't really hear about it until after he had done it. I was very inspired by his dedication and the fact that he just DID it. When Cameron moved to Utah and we began spending a lot of time together, he told me about his decision to do the race and the training that was involved. I was seriously in awe, and I began to think maybe I could do something like that too. (Even though there was this voice in the back of my head saying, yeah right... fat girls don't do this kind of thing.) I sort of mentioned to Cameron that I was thinking about maybe doing a 10K or something and without hesitation he told me I could do it. That meant a lot to me. So, I started thinking maybe I could do it. I have run a few 5Ks, but they are pretty easy. And then I thought, why not set an even bigger goal for myself. One that would seem impossible to attain but also something that I know I could do.
And I feel it's important to share it with all of you to give myself a sense of accountability.
Something that would undoubtedly change my life.
So, here it is- in January 2013 for my 34th birthday I will run the Disney World marathon.
Whew, there it is! It is now on the internet so it has to be true!!
And a special thank you to all who believe that I can reach my goal. I've told a few people that I want to do this and I have been met with nothing but encouragement and positive affirmations. Thank you so much for believing in me.
Each journey begins  one step at a time...

I just love this

I love dancing. And I love this, enjoy.

Sweatpants Society

Last Friday was the high school graduation. I was assigned to monitor a door and keep an eye on the audience and confiscate any air horns or other outlawed items. Being at my perch it gave me a prime opportunity for some good, old-fashioned people watching.

It was fascinating.

Now, a graduation is a pretty formal occasion. A milestone in a life. A time to dress up a little bit.

And yet, many people were wearing jeans and quite a few were in sweatpants... Seriously??? When did that become acceptable? Sometimes I wished I lived in a time where people always dressed up for occasions. Men wore dapper suits and hats and women looked feminine and put together at all times. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good run to the store looking like... well... let's just say not looking my best. But I hate how this mentality has crept into the important and formal events of life.

Going to a wedding but have spent all day in the garden? Who cares! Just wear that grass, sweat stained outfit! Seeing a play in the evening, but doing housework all day? Don't fret! Just wear those sweats down to the theatre, no one will think twice!

How you dress reflects how you feel about the occasion. That's why we dress up. It's shows respect for the occasion and the people with whom you are sharing the moment.
But, alas, we live in a sweatpants society...