Being the Girl

For those of you who read this blog faithfully know that this past year has been a trying one and yet a wonderful one for me. But, overall it's been hard to shake the negativity and sadness. Recently it reared it's ugly head again. So, I dealt with it- but then I received an unexpected blessing and opportunity.
Those of you who are performers can relate to the feeling of jubilation you feel when performing- for me, it especially happens when I have the opportunity to sing. Although I am constantly surrounded by Theatre, it's a rare occasion when I perform.
But, let me digress for just a moment- one of the results of what I went through this year was a severe loss of confidence in myself as a woman. My 35 years of age started to weigh heavily on me, both mentally and physically as I became lax in taking care of myself.
Whenever I audition for a show I know I will be cast as the mother, the friend, the witch, the comic relief, the narrator, the crazy aunt- never just the girl. Never the girl who is center stage.
A few weeks ago I received a text from my friend who is directing a production of Oliver this summer for Mirray City asking me to come to call-backs. I asked him what he was considering me for and he listed off the parts of the older women, the comic relief and then he mentioned and possibly Nancy. Those of you familiar with the show, know that she is the girl. Not the ingenue in the regular sense, but she's the girl. The girl.
After I got that text, I decided I wanted to be the girl. I wanted to be the beautiful girl. I wanted to be the broken girl. I wanted to be the complicated girl. But, in the back of my mind I thought I would never be cast, because, well I don't fit the ideal standard of beauty. But I wanted it so much.
At the call-backs I did my best to exude confidence, sexiness, sass and everything I felt Nancy should be. I was amazing. A few days later I got a text asking me to play Nancy. I'm the girl!

I immediately felt self conscious, bit then I realized I am that girl. There is so much of her that I relate to, and I connect to her on so many levels. And it has given me incentive to get my butt in gear. I want to be as beautiful as I can be. And, the songs. The songs! I love belting these songs.

I haven't been this excited to do something in a long time. It's such a tender mercy and just what I needed at this time in my life. I am so excited to be the girl.