Fresh and Clean... 2015!

So, I've not been great at blogging this past few months- so this blog will be a year in review and an OH MY GOODNESS I'M TURNING 36 TOMORROW!!
But first- 2014-
In the early part of the year- I directed "The Curious Savage". It turned out to be such a wonderful experience and a beautiful play. "Take an Umbrella, it's Raining."

 

After the Play we competed in Region and State and went on the annual trip to Disneyland (which you can read about a few blog posts ago). Since the inception of the trip, Sarah has accompanied me and I am so grateful!

 The picture below makes me super happy- let's just say it is very hard to embrace each other when going on Space Mountain, but it was all worth it, as evidenced by the picture below.

 June saw another graduation. It's always with mixed feelings that I attend graduation- I'm excited, but a little sad because I will miss many faces. But, there are always more kids. This year I had the dubious honor of announcing the boys' names. And let me tell you, the Polynesian culture has some difficult names and I though Kjersti was hard.

 

Then summer came and I played Nancy in "Oliver" which I blogged about- alot.

 I love this shot from rehearsal because I look so intense and so focused!

My former student, Briana was one among many who came to support me!

 

And now for some pictures of my dogs from the past year!

 

I just LOVE their cute faces!

 

School soon started and I was up to my eyeballs in work. But luckily, I absolutley love what I do!

First we took a competition team to Shakespeare and performed the witches scene from "Macbeth". The whole concept was Celtic paganism as evidence by the tattoo work. My friend Jeff helped a ton with the piece and I wouldn't have been able to do it without him.

 

And then- Joseph! It was awesome! It exceeded my expectations and was such a joy to be a part of! Please enjoy the following pics- the tell the story better than I could-

 

 

 

Whew, that was a lot- congratulations if you've made it to this point!

As for the rest of the year, just fun times with family and friends.

 The wall of "Thank Yous" from the Elementary Kids who saw the Show

 

 Christmas Day!

 

New Years Eve with Ann

 

Here's to an incredible 2015 and a wonderful 36th year! Who knows what adventues await!

Solitude

It's Christmas Eve, well technically Christmas because it is after midnight. I'm alone with my dogs and I just finished watching "Love Actually" (I debated between that and a Muppets Christmas Carol which I will watch tomorrow while making food). And I just feel a little sad.
I've been working on a blog post about love which I will finish soon and so its on my mind right now. The holidays are especially hard for single people. I've been spending Christmas Eve alone for 8 years now. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's harder. But, luckily it's just a moment. And I try to remember the reason for the season- and keeping that perspective does make it a little easier.
I wonder if I'll ever spend Christmas Eve with someone. Who knows.
Anyway, Merry Christmas. It's ok that it's hard sometimes.

So Much to Do

Here I am almost mid September and so much has occurred in the past three weeks. This post is straying a bit from the usual rah, rah positive life vibe (which is still very much who I am) instead I'm just telling it like it is.
I am stressed, I am lonely and I am overwhelmed.
Some of the stress is good, caused by good things and some is not.
So here is why-
Stress- teaching is a hard job, although if love it, it is still hard. I run a very in depth program all by my lonesome. This past summer flew by with the show, a two week sickness and the conference and I didn't really have the opportunity to recharge may batteries- thus when the school year began I still felt like I was drowning. But, you can't stop time from marching on.
My musical- last spring I had decided to do "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" I had convinced myself that I could take a musical with 6 parts and turn it into a show with an ensemble over 50. I had figured out some ways to do this, but truth be told- I hadn't really fleshed out all the details. But, try as I might I just couldn't get excited about the show.
Also, I had this silly notion in my head about shows at Hunter, you see- with one exception, Hunter has never repeated a show in it's 25 year history. So that limited the shows I could do. This year I have a plethora of boys and last May I knew Joseph would be the right choice but it has been performed 7 years ago, and so it was out of consideration.
But, as the auditions progressed, I knew we hadn't picked the right show for the kids. So after a whirlwind of changing rights, contracts, securing audition materials. We changed and cast "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" and the kids were ecstatic. But that meant my whole summer of prep had to be done in an instant. In addition to teaching (including creating a film studies curriculum for my first time teaching the class), trying to eat healthy, trying to have a life outside of school, working on Shakespeare competition stuff and a myriad of other things. But, it was the right choice for the kids and I know it will be wonderful. Although I had a dream last night I was directing the show and my two narrators were just awful, and everyone was getting frustrated during the rehearsal. So I just took over as narrator, but I was holding a mic with a chord and everyone kept getting caught in the chord as I moved around the stage. So I woke up this morning feeling frustrated... Not fun.

Being a teacher. Sigh. Ok, so 95% of my kids are lovely- they are super chatty, but that's usually about as much disrespect as they show. I had an incident this past week that was draining. Here's the story.
Near the end of 3rd period on Thursday I go into the hallway to get something out of the dressing room- I notice two boys who should be in my class are loitering in the hall. I tell them to get back in the room. As this is happening, a girl walks by and one of the boys starts harassing her and calling her names. I tell him this is inappropriate and he informs me it was his sister. I tell him I don't believe him, we have an exchange and as he turns the corner I hear him call me and f-ing biotch. (With the actual usage of the words). Of course that is unacceptable, so I talk to him in the hall and throughout the conversation, he verbally abuses me and I calmly try to get him to calm down (although I must admit my words were quite pointed and over enunciated). Usually in these situations, I can get someone to calm down and apologize, but he would have none of it. He continued to swear saying the f word is just a word and I told him that may be to him, but it is an offensive word that has meaning. Turned out the girl was his sister (I just couldn't believe he would be so rude to his sister) so I apologized for my mistake. I then asked him if he should've called me what he did, he said no, but... I told him there is no but. Then he denied calling me the name so I told him he needed to come with me to the office, he refused, so I went in my room and he left cursing me out the whole way.
I then got a group of witnesses to sign a statement detailing what they saw and what was said- talked to his counselor found out he is in the behavioral disorder unit (why hadn't I been told about this? I would've no handled him completely differently.)
In short, it really, really upset me. So I wrote a Facebook status and a lot of people wrote comments and sent messages that made me feel better. But overall, I was drained and sad.
But life goes on and I still have a job to do.

Loneliness. I am a pretty independent woman with an incredible life, but sometimes the loneliness just gets to me. Yes, I have my adorable dogs (and to be honest they are a beautiful God send and I know without them things would be a lot worse), but they are dogs.
I have a tendency to pick people to be important to me who just can't quite give me what I need. So I get hurt and then have to adjust to make things balanced. It's fine, we all act and react differently- it's all a part of having relationships. Many different people fill many different roles in my life and I am grateful for all of them. But, I just don't have a companion, a partner, someone who I belong to and they belong to me.
A few months ago I was released from my church calling working with the young women. (Although I was fine with being released, I was completely blindsided. I wish they would've pulled me aside and let me know I wasn't meeting their expectations and address the expectations before just yanking it away from me- but I digress). So, I've been trying out the mid singles ward. And it is frustrating. There are around 700-800 people who attend this branch and it is overwhelming. And it makes me mad that the church isn't doing anything to fix the problem.
I just don't know. I want to date, I want to meet awesome men-I just don't know where to being. I've done the online thing a few times and although many have found success there, I just have not. I sometimes wonder if I'm just meant to lead a solitary life.

But, life keeps happening and I have so much to do. So thanks for reading and letting me express. I'm fine, really- just overwhelmed.

My Dear Students

Tomorrow begins my 9th year as a theatre teacher, can you believe it? I can't. It's amazing to me how time flies, and the older I get, the faster it goes. This summer flew by and was awesome, challenging, exhausting and never dull! I need a break to recover. Unfortunately, I must get back to it all tomorrow. And before I do, I want to take a moment and reflect.

 I truly do have an extraordinary life. Granted, it hasn't turned out the way I had anticipated, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been an incredible ride. I remember in high school when I made the decision to be a teacher, and then on my mission, when I discovered my natural knack for teaching and my future career choice was solidified. I realize that I am very fortunate that my career choice came so easily for me, I know it is not that way for everyone.
My favorite thing about being a teacher is seeing the kids 'get it' and build confidence in themselves. How they grow, learn and miraculously turn into amazing adults.

So to my dear former students, thank you for trusting me, for laughing with me and creating beautiful memories with me! You have touched my life more than you will ever know. You have changed me, taught me and made me feel so loved, and for that I am forever grateful. I hope you know you can accomplish anything, and that I am here cheering you on!

My dear current students- I love your faces! Let's get to work and make this year amazing and one for the record books!

My dear future students- you are in for such an amazing ride! ;)

Love, Ms. Parkes

Struggles

In light of recent events, social media has exploded with varying opinions on depression and suicide. And, hoo boy, do they run the gamut. Let me be candid, growing up under very difficult situations I felt like "depression" was a cop out. Here I was with every reason to be depressed and yet I tried very hard to remain positive and happy- granted it was hard- and granted it was a struggle. But, overall I was ok. Or was I? Thankfully I have come to realize that depression is something that is very real. It is an imbalance in the brain that is more than just having a bad day. It needs to be dealt with and addressed so that people will be able to cope with their particular lot in life. Sometimes it's circumstantial and sometimes it's a life- long struggle but that doesn't negate the importance of the struggle.

Suicide is not the answer. But calling someone selfish that commits suicide is not right. You don't know their state of mind, you don't know their heart, don't presume to speak for them. It's sad to me that people feel so hopeless that they get to the point of ending their life. I don't understand it, I just try to have compassion toward it.

Which brings me to the main point of this blog post- struggles. One of the biggest (ha!) struggles of my life is my weight. You see, growing up I didn't suffer from clinical depression but I ate in order to cope with the reality of my situation. I didn't make a conscious choice to be fat, I was a child- faced with some impossible circumstances and I just found comfort in food. Just as no one chooses their struggles- I did not choose mine. I live every day trying to make good choices and trying to overcome my struggle and it is excruciatingly hard for me. Just as your particular struggle is for you.

We all make choices that have consequences. We all go through so much in this life. Some struggles are self imposed, some are a result of something else and some are just what is. But we ALL struggle, we all feel imperfect, we all just want someone to lift us.

So instead of shaming in any form, we should all strive to be less judgemental and more compassionate to our fellow human beings. Heaven knows we all need it.