Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Me?
Who am I?
I am a compilation of many experiences, heartaches, moments, disappointments, unmet expectations, successes, dreams, realities, love.
I am a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a teacher, a leader, a director, a dreamer.
I am just a girl.
And sometimes I feel like I am drifting, just holding on to something until the storms pass. But they keep on raging. And I keep holding on.
I am a compilation of many experiences, heartaches, moments, disappointments, unmet expectations, successes, dreams, realities, love.
I am a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a teacher, a leader, a director, a dreamer.
I am just a girl.
And sometimes I feel like I am drifting, just holding on to something until the storms pass. But they keep on raging. And I keep holding on.
I need a change. I need something new. I need to be me.
But what does that mean?
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...
A lot has happened in the past week and a half and frankly, I haven't had time to blog about any of it. Almost two weeks ago I was beginning my final dress rehearsal for my production when two of my leads informed me they would be missing the final dress to attend the Lifehouse concert. I WAS LIVID! And seriously considered dropping them from the show, instead I opted for some severe consequences but felt like it wasn't right to just replace them. And I am so glad I didn't because of what happened the rest of the week. On Wednesday morning, my Sister went into labor (even though she wasn't due until mid-January) and my sweet little nephew Ian was born. But he immediately had complications and was taken to another hospital to their Newborn/Infant Intensive Care. I was so glad I hadn't replaced the two girls because it gave me time to take care of things with my family.
With my sister and nephew still in the hospital, I opened my show. I was very please with the job that the kids did. And I felt like it was a good debut for my first foray into directing high school. On closing night the kids gave me a very heartfelt tribute. But, for days I felt like I was just in survival mode as Ian's condition was worse.
For his story, please visit my sister's website for her son- http://www.ianjamesmurphy.com/ians-story.html
My sister had to make one of the hardest decisions, she let her son go. You see, he had so much bleeding in his brain that if he survived he would live his life a vegetable. I wrote her the following to express my feelings-
I have struggled to find the right words to tell you what your little guy means to me. I can't talk to you about it in person because I would turn into a puddle of blubbering.
I am so grateful that I got to meet little Ian. His spirit was palpable when I visited him at the hospital and when we all gathered to say goodbye. I have always admired you as a mother, your strength, your capacity to love and your spirit. I think Ian was sent to your family to give you a taste of eternity when you can be with him. I know that is of little comfort now when your heart is broken. But know how much I wish he was still here with us. I will miss playing with my little nephew, taking him on outings, hearing his laugh. And know although it was hard, I believe you made the right choice for your son. Because his life would've never reached its potential- and you did the most unselfish thing I can imagine, you gave your son back to Heavenly Father. I am sorry if it seems like I am in moving on mode, I just don't know how to deal with the heartbreak. His life means everything to me. And he will never be forgotten. I love you so much and I am so grateful you are my sister.
Love Always,
Kjersti
Life is but a moment in the eternal scheme of things.
With my sister and nephew still in the hospital, I opened my show. I was very please with the job that the kids did. And I felt like it was a good debut for my first foray into directing high school. On closing night the kids gave me a very heartfelt tribute. But, for days I felt like I was just in survival mode as Ian's condition was worse.
For his story, please visit my sister's website for her son- http://www.ianjamesmurphy.com/ians-story.html
My sister had to make one of the hardest decisions, she let her son go. You see, he had so much bleeding in his brain that if he survived he would live his life a vegetable. I wrote her the following to express my feelings-
I have struggled to find the right words to tell you what your little guy means to me. I can't talk to you about it in person because I would turn into a puddle of blubbering.
I am so grateful that I got to meet little Ian. His spirit was palpable when I visited him at the hospital and when we all gathered to say goodbye. I have always admired you as a mother, your strength, your capacity to love and your spirit. I think Ian was sent to your family to give you a taste of eternity when you can be with him. I know that is of little comfort now when your heart is broken. But know how much I wish he was still here with us. I will miss playing with my little nephew, taking him on outings, hearing his laugh. And know although it was hard, I believe you made the right choice for your son. Because his life would've never reached its potential- and you did the most unselfish thing I can imagine, you gave your son back to Heavenly Father. I am sorry if it seems like I am in moving on mode, I just don't know how to deal with the heartbreak. His life means everything to me. And he will never be forgotten. I love you so much and I am so grateful you are my sister.
Love Always,
Kjersti
Life is but a moment in the eternal scheme of things.
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| My 1st visit to Ian in the hospital, I love his little lips! |
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| Mickey taking care of Ian |
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| Mickey and Ian |
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| His precious face |
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| The girls saying goodbye to their brother before he passed. |
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| I will never forget his sweet face. |
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| Ben with his cute son, Elliott |
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| Yep, this little guy is my nephew! |
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| I took time out to have a sleep-over with the girls and we made Mickey Mouse pancakes! |
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| Jeff & Ivy at the funeral for Ian |
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| The boquet we bought for Ian |
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| Ian before he was laid to rest. As Maddie would say, "Ian is so so so cute!" |
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| My gorgeous niece, Ivy |
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star-
Do you know how loved you are?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Bye Bye Birdie!
Here is a promo we put together for the musical to show on the school announcements!
Come see the show!! It's gonna be goofy!
Come see the show!! It's gonna be goofy!
Monday, November 1, 2010
To my friend
This morning as I was thinking about recent events I got a notification for a new album from one of my favorite composers, Scott Alan. I listened to some samples of the songs, and one song stood out from the rest and perfectly applied to how I was feeling- It is called "I Remember"- And I would like to share it with you. It has helped me to heal a little bit from all that has happened.
Sometimes love fades away
And all you have are memories
Yes all that's left are memories...
But I will remember you-
As the sweetest chord to play
As a colorful refrain
Yes I will remember you-
As the sun upon my face
As the beautiful embrace
I remember you.
Sometimes love lets you know
That it is time to just let go-
Yes, it was time to just let go.
But I will remember you
As the perfect autumn night
As the muse that helped me write
Yes I will remember you-
As the song inside my heart
As my favorite piece of art
I remember you.
Sometimes the journey ends-
You wake to find you've lost
a friend...
But what you've gained are memories
Just promise that-
You will remember me.
So, dear blog reader- thank you for letting me sappy for a moment. And to my friend- if you ever read this- please know that you meant the world to me.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
What do we hope for?
Another month comes and goes as October 2010 will soon be history.
About a month ago, I had a major relationship in my life change significantly. And although I wish this person the best, I am still trying to figure out how I feel about all of it.
"Where do we go from here? This isn't where I intended to be.
We had it all, you believed in me, I believed in you...
Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say-
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away."
This person is now for all intents and purposes no longer in my life. We never talk, we never see each other. And although I think it was all for the best- I am still having a hard time with it. It didn't end well. Although it ended civilly... It isn't hard for me to get over being angry, it isn't hard for me to forgive, but it is excruciatingly hard to let go of people when I love them. Especially when I still long to have a connection with them. I don't know how to know when the time comes to truly give up hope. I am an eternal optimist, I have lived my life in such a way where I always try to find the silver lining, even in the darkest of times.
"Look for the silver lining- Whenever clouds appear in the gloom.
Remember somewhere the sun is shining-
And so the right thing to do is make it shine for you.
A heart full of joy and gladness- will always banish sadness and strife.
But always look for the silver lining-
And then you'll find the sunny side of life."
Is it time to realize the gloom isn't going away and is it time maybe to find a different piece of sky...
"It all began the day I found that from my window I could only see a piece of sky-
I stepped outside and looked around, I never dreamed it was so wide or even half as high-
The time has come- to try my wings
And even though it seems at any moment I could fall.
I felt the most amazing things, the things you can't imagine if you've never flown at all.
Though it's safer to stay on the ground, sometimes where danger lies, there the sweetest of pleasures are found.
No matter where I go they'll be memories that tug at my sleeve...
Oh tell me where...
Where is the someone who will turn to look at me
And want to share my every sweet imagined possibility...
The more I live, the more I learn, the more I learn, the more I realize- the less I know.
Each step I take, each page I turn, each mile I travel only means the more I have to go-
What's wrong with wanting more?
If you can fly then soar!"
What do I hope for? What can I hope for? Goodbye to my dear friend. Goodbye to the moment. Goodbye to the expectation, goodbye to the possibility.
Hello to the Unknown...
Still I have Hope- always Hope...
But maybe it needs to be Hope for something new.
About a month ago, I had a major relationship in my life change significantly. And although I wish this person the best, I am still trying to figure out how I feel about all of it.
"Where do we go from here? This isn't where I intended to be.
We had it all, you believed in me, I believed in you...
Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say-
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away."
This person is now for all intents and purposes no longer in my life. We never talk, we never see each other. And although I think it was all for the best- I am still having a hard time with it. It didn't end well. Although it ended civilly... It isn't hard for me to get over being angry, it isn't hard for me to forgive, but it is excruciatingly hard to let go of people when I love them. Especially when I still long to have a connection with them. I don't know how to know when the time comes to truly give up hope. I am an eternal optimist, I have lived my life in such a way where I always try to find the silver lining, even in the darkest of times.
"Look for the silver lining- Whenever clouds appear in the gloom.
Remember somewhere the sun is shining-
And so the right thing to do is make it shine for you.
A heart full of joy and gladness- will always banish sadness and strife.
But always look for the silver lining-
And then you'll find the sunny side of life."
Is it time to realize the gloom isn't going away and is it time maybe to find a different piece of sky...
"It all began the day I found that from my window I could only see a piece of sky-
I stepped outside and looked around, I never dreamed it was so wide or even half as high-
The time has come- to try my wings
And even though it seems at any moment I could fall.
I felt the most amazing things, the things you can't imagine if you've never flown at all.
Though it's safer to stay on the ground, sometimes where danger lies, there the sweetest of pleasures are found.
No matter where I go they'll be memories that tug at my sleeve...
Oh tell me where...
Where is the someone who will turn to look at me
And want to share my every sweet imagined possibility...
The more I live, the more I learn, the more I learn, the more I realize- the less I know.
Each step I take, each page I turn, each mile I travel only means the more I have to go-
What's wrong with wanting more?
If you can fly then soar!"
What do I hope for? What can I hope for? Goodbye to my dear friend. Goodbye to the moment. Goodbye to the expectation, goodbye to the possibility.
Hello to the Unknown...
Still I have Hope- always Hope...
But maybe it needs to be Hope for something new.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Two Years!
Halloween marks the two year anniversary of my blog! So Happy Anniversary blog! We've shared some funny stories, insights and a lot of memories.
It's amazing how fast two years can fly by- how so much can happen and yet so much remains familiar.
This Halloween has been rather uneventful for me. Because of working on the musical, I was unable to make my yearly trek to Disney World for "Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party". And as a result, it just hasn't felt like Halloween this year. Oh well. To celebrate, I will be taking my nieces out trick or treating, and that will be fun.
Speaking of my musical, I am a little over two weeks until my production dates!!!! If I think about everything I have to do, I want to get into the fetal position, climb under the covers and never leave my bed because it is so overwhelming. So I just have to take it all one day at a time.
I am really proud of the kids, they are doing a great job! I really hope that it will be a fantastic show- it has the potential to be amazing! It's just crunch time. I knew that taking the high school job would mean taking more of my time. I had a day a few weeks ago when I got to school at 6 am and left at 8:30 pm. I think the next two weeks will be reminiscent of that... sigh... it's fun, but I need to have balance.
I need to make sure that I have a life outside of school. I have a few close friends I do things with, but other than that- not much of a social life. I am no longer in the singles ward, I am debating going to the older singles ward, and I have a hard time meeting new people who are older than high school age. I don't really care about dating, but it would be nice to make some new friends so I can have people to do things with on a random weekend. I think that's one of the hardest things about remaining single. The fact that you are always in the position where you have to constantly be meeting new people and make new connections so you are not lonely. It never ends. And you spend a lot of evenings alone. Which can be nice at times, but also... well, lonely.
So, two years. I've given up trying to predict or look toward future events. It's just too hard when things fall so short of expectations. And yet, I have amazing experiences all the time, just not necessarily what I would've chosen for myself. But, nevertheless, experiences that help me to grow, that humble me, that allow me to meet amazing people and hopefully make me a better person.
Oh and here is the random X-works episode for Halloween, it is goofy!
It's amazing how fast two years can fly by- how so much can happen and yet so much remains familiar.
This Halloween has been rather uneventful for me. Because of working on the musical, I was unable to make my yearly trek to Disney World for "Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party". And as a result, it just hasn't felt like Halloween this year. Oh well. To celebrate, I will be taking my nieces out trick or treating, and that will be fun.
Speaking of my musical, I am a little over two weeks until my production dates!!!! If I think about everything I have to do, I want to get into the fetal position, climb under the covers and never leave my bed because it is so overwhelming. So I just have to take it all one day at a time.
I am really proud of the kids, they are doing a great job! I really hope that it will be a fantastic show- it has the potential to be amazing! It's just crunch time. I knew that taking the high school job would mean taking more of my time. I had a day a few weeks ago when I got to school at 6 am and left at 8:30 pm. I think the next two weeks will be reminiscent of that... sigh... it's fun, but I need to have balance.
I need to make sure that I have a life outside of school. I have a few close friends I do things with, but other than that- not much of a social life. I am no longer in the singles ward, I am debating going to the older singles ward, and I have a hard time meeting new people who are older than high school age. I don't really care about dating, but it would be nice to make some new friends so I can have people to do things with on a random weekend. I think that's one of the hardest things about remaining single. The fact that you are always in the position where you have to constantly be meeting new people and make new connections so you are not lonely. It never ends. And you spend a lot of evenings alone. Which can be nice at times, but also... well, lonely.
So, two years. I've given up trying to predict or look toward future events. It's just too hard when things fall so short of expectations. And yet, I have amazing experiences all the time, just not necessarily what I would've chosen for myself. But, nevertheless, experiences that help me to grow, that humble me, that allow me to meet amazing people and hopefully make me a better person.
Oh and here is the random X-works episode for Halloween, it is goofy!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Who You Are
Why is it that sometimes happiness seems so elusive? Like some far off pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We can see the rainbow, but we can't seem to find the end of it. And so we search, in vain- sometimes in circles seeking for something that we never seem to find.
Perhaps we are searching for the wrong thing?
Ask yourself what does it mean to be happy? What does happiness look like? Feel like?
Oh to be a child again when happiness was a simple as playing with friends. Laughing at a joke. Feeling loved and secure. Marveling at the beauty around you. Learning about life and Jesus.
Is it so different now?
I think happiness is a quiet assurance of who we are. Learning to exercise faith, trusting that things will be fine. Finding joy in everyday moments. The things that are truly awesome. Not forgetting. Realizing that happiness is not the pot of gold, it is the journey.
“Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential.” -Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Perhaps we are searching for the wrong thing?
Ask yourself what does it mean to be happy? What does happiness look like? Feel like?
Oh to be a child again when happiness was a simple as playing with friends. Laughing at a joke. Feeling loved and secure. Marveling at the beauty around you. Learning about life and Jesus.
Is it so different now?
I think happiness is a quiet assurance of who we are. Learning to exercise faith, trusting that things will be fine. Finding joy in everyday moments. The things that are truly awesome. Not forgetting. Realizing that happiness is not the pot of gold, it is the journey.
“Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential.” -Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
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