The Island of Misfit Toys

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong? Like there is a place for everyone else except you?

That, my friends is what it is like to be 31 and single in the LDS church- you no longer have a place.

You are too old for the singles ward.

Too single for the family ward.

And still feel too young for the older singles ward that goes to 45...
What's a girl to do?

Choice #1- Become the crazy old cat lady in the ward who remains single.
Choice #2- Try the older singles ward...
Choice #3- Get married.

Hmmmm... I think I'll choose #3. So where to begin? A few years ago I had some accounts with some online LDS dating sites, I spent some money and spent two months making a great profile, winking and smiling at people, even chatting a few times all to no avail. So, I cancelled my account (it never did feel right to be on there, I just had a friend who convinced me to do it) And I went on my merry way. Hoping and praying that the Lord would provide someone for me in a more 'organic' way. (i.e. we meet in person).

But here I am.

Today I decided to peruse those sites again. I reactivated my LDS mingle account, and took an incredibly long survey on eharmony.com.

On the LDS mingle site, I looked at some profiles and quickly became depressed. I hate dating web sites, they are SO impersonal. Why can't I just meet the right guy for me in real life.

It seems like the guys are all searching for the 'perfect girl' which I am not.
DEPRESSING...
So, to all of you, I am asking some help. I feel like I need to date more. If you know anyone that you feel may be a good match for me, please send them my way.

I don't want to be a crazy cat lady...

Inside the mind of a Jr. High Student

So, I was at school today teaching some summer school courses and I found some books of poetry from the students. My favorite ones were entitled, "If I were in charge of the world." I promise I didn't make any of this up, it is all the students. I will now share my favorites with you- pay no mind to grammatical or spelling errors- enjoy!

-1-

"If I were in charge of the world

I'd cancel violence

Racism and also the school alligator

navigators.

If I were in charge of the world

You have certain hour schools

You wouldn't have curfews,

you wouldn't have pancakes or waffles

you wouldn't have to have brothers and sisters.

If I were in charge of the world

a banana would be your biggest

nightmare

bananas would rule Funky Town."

-2-

"If I were in charge of the world I would cancel school, and getting up early and school rules.

If I were in charge of the world there'd be candy in every store, no grades, and kids 12 and older could watch rated R and unrated movies withou parents.

If I were in charge of the worl you wouldn't have to go to school, you wouldn't have to listen to anyone but yourself when your 12 and older. You wouldn't even have rules.

If I were in charge of the world a roller coaster would be in every mall. You would be able to go to any party you want. You wouldn't have to go home because it's late. Would still be allowed if I were in charge of the world."

-3-

"If I were in charge of the world, I'd cancel haters, wars, and also heartbreakers.

If I were in charge of the world, there'd be happiness, lots of laughter and parties.

If I were in charge of the world, you wouldn't have "Go do your homework", you wouldn't have "Go to sleep", you wouldn't have "Go do this, go do that," or even "Stop that", you wouldn't even have to worry.

If I were in charge of the world, chocolate would be dinner, Kids would be allowed to wear tank tops to school, and a person who forgets to sleep.

And sometimes forget to say thank you would still be allowed to be in charge of the world."

-4-

"If I were in charge of the world I'd cancel all schools, the rules to everything, and there will be no church.

If I were in charge of the world there'd be water parks at every corner I past, skating and bowling winks near the water parks, and kids 10 and up could watch r-rated movie whenever they want at the theatres wothout any parents needed.

If I were in charge of the world

You wouldn't have to clean anything.

You wouldn't have annoying people around you.

You wouldn't have to wake up early anymore, or beat your brothers up,

You wouldn't even have brothers.

If I were in charge of the world, banana splits would always show up on my front door step.

All the rollercoaster can be for everyone except the little ones.

And the person who forgot to put on clothes.

And sometimes forget to go to the restroom when you go on the rollercoaster.

I will still be in charge of the world."

Stumbling Along

Life is so funny! I love it! I've been thinking a lot lately about our journey through out life. Other people's stories are so fascinating to me, what makes a person tick... And yet life still goes on.
So where do we focus? At any given time there are positive and negative around us. Where is our focus? I have found it is much more pleasant to focus on the positive. The negative is still there, but not as noticeable.
So, we stumble along, trying to make sense of it all. Stumbling along, laughing... at all the pratfalls of life.
Life, isn't it GRAND!! You know, at any moment it could all be gone. But we are still here and I find that focusing on the positive aspects of life makes life so much more enjoyable, the negative things will always be there, but why focus on them?

"As we stumble along

on life's funny journey.

As we stumble along

into the blue.

We look here and we look there.

Seeking answers anywhere.

Never sure of where to turn or what to do.

Still we bumble our way

through life's crazy labyrinth.

Barely knowing left from right

nor right from wrong.

And the best that we can do

is hope a blue bird,

will sing his song

as we stumble along.

It's a dismal little world in which we live.

It can bore you till you've nothing left to give.

Seven overrated wonders, sever underwhelming seas.

Six excruciating continents.

Antarctica. Oh please!

But you musn't let it lick you

this planet oh so bland.

Keep your eyeball on the highball

in your hand.

As we stumble along

'cross life's crowded dance floors.

As we push and we shove

we live and we learn.

And when we finally leave the bar,

And we see that morning star,

we pull our boot straps up

and homeward turn.

Then we stumble away

through dawns blinding sunbeams.

Barely knowing right from right

nor left from wrong.

But as long as we can hear that little blue bird

There'll be a song

as we stumble along.

As we stumble,

bumble,

fumble,

plumble,

As we stumble along."

-The Drowsy Chaperone

Fooling them all...

Do you ever feel like you are fooling everyone?

As you all probably know, I am moving to Hunter High and therefore my position at Valley is open and my principal has asked me to sit in on the interviews. It is a little bit strange to be interviewing potential replacements...

We had 25 applicants. And as I sat there listening to these people who are so qualified, I couldn't help but feel a little intimidated by a few of them. Some of them are amazing. But at least I am confident that whoever takes my place will be amazing, and the program I worked so hard to build will continue to grow. Why am I leaving again? I put so much blood, sweat and tears into that place- just to walk away. Did I make the right choice? I think so, I certainly hope so.

And it makes me wonder, why did I get my new job? I mean if any of these people applied for the job at Hunter why did I get it over them?
Am I that good at fooling everyone? Me? Am I really the best choice? Am I ready for this new opportunity?

I feel so overwhelmed. And although I need my summer break, there is a part of me that just wants to jump into next year school and get going.

So much of life is taking that leap of faith even when you are intimidated and scared out of your mind. Just relying on your wits and nerve to get you through. All the while learning and growing. Stepping into the darkness to find the light.

While watching the season finale of Glee, I was especially touched when the kids sang to Mr. Schuster. It reminded me why I do what I do. There is nothing compared to the feeling of seeing a kid shine and succeed. Sitting in the darkness while your students with whom worked with for countless hours- understand the amazing feeling of hearing applause meant for them. The feeling of friendship and self-worth, the feeling of accomplishment.

Am I the most qualified? Probably not. Am I the best? Certainly not. But I will try my best and help the kids shine.

Just wanted to share this-

Feeling Beautiful

Lately as my life has been turned topsy turvy I've been thinking a lot about what keeps me going in life. I have an amazing life and I have been blessed with many opportunites and gifts. I've usually been able to have confidence in almost area of my life except one... relationships.
I feel like I am a cute girl, but guys don't often see me, I mean really SEE me. I am the consummate friend, confidante, casual double date, someone to go to movies with... the list goes on and on. I can count on my hand the times in my life when someone has made me feel beautiful and feminine.
Last summer I went to Europe. It was an amazing trip and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to go. Some things happened right before I left that caused my confidence to drop to a new low. I left the country with a lot on my mind and hoping to find peace.

The third day we were in Paris, we went to the  Musée d'Orsay, an art museum in Paris. I was feeling pensive, loneliness and despair. I left Brandi and Amy to wander alone in the museum (I love doing this, it allows me to fully soak in the experience.) I came across this sculpture-

I was struck by the emotion I felt when looking at it. It seemed to perfectly describe what I was feeling in my heart. I stood there for a few moments, just allowing myself to feel. While I was standing there, a man approached me and said "Sprechen sie Deutsch?" I looked up and saw an attractive man probably in his mid thirties standing there. I was confused why he was asking me in German if I spoke German, so I nodded my head no. He then asked, "Parlez-vous français ?" I said "No". He then asked if I spoke English. I said yes that I was an American. He proceeded to ask me more about myself (apparently he has once gone on a trip to Southern Utah). He was very friendly and kind and I felt very comfortable around him. He asked me my name and told me that his name was Adele. He stopped talking for a moment and just told me that I was beautiful. There was nothing creepy about it and it made me feel wonderful. I smiled and said thank you. We continued talking for a bit, then he stopped and told me I was mysterious "Me?" I thought to myself "This awkward girl from Utah?? Mysterious? Me?" He then asked me how long I was going to be in Paris, he wanted to spend more time with me, I told him I was leaving that evening to visit Germany. He then gave me his e-mail address and phone number and asked me to contact him when I came back to Paris the next week. He then walked me to the front entrance of the museum where I was going to meet Brandi and Amy. He kissed my hand and bid me farewell and left. I watched him walk away- feeling lifted, beautiful and feminine.

A week later I was back in Paris- my friends wanted me to contact him. But I didn't want to ruin the moment I'd had. The moment where a stranger swooped into my life and made me feel alive and wanted. I never did contact him, I don't think I was supposed to.

But, thank you Adele. Thank you for lifting me from my sadness and seeing me in a way that I am rarely seen. For making me feel feminine, for making me feel beautiful. Thank you for that moment.

Changes

"For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning." — T.S. Elliot

I recently made a huge decision. After months of going back and forth- I decided to apply for the job at Hunter High school and I got it. How did I come to make this decision? A few posts back I discussed the pros and cons of leaving my current position at Valley. I was very torn and recieved some great advice from everyone. Finally, the time to apply had arrived, and I still didn't know what would be best for me.

As an alumnus of Hunter High, there was also a little bit of sentimentality attatched to my desire for the position. I loved it when I went to school there and I would love to be there again. I was talking with my sister and she said that I might as well apply, because then I would be keeping my options open. So, I did- still unsure of what I wanted.

I was called in for an interview, and I hoped that I would receive a strong impression either way. The interview went very well- and I felt good about the interview, but I still didn't know what I wanted. At the interview, the principal told me that they would let me know either way that afternoon. Well, this sent me into a bit of a panic! I needed to make a decision!

I went back to Valley and spent most of my 4th period consultation awaiting a call and chatting with the office secretary, Pam. (Another thing I LOVE about Valley are the amazing people I've worked with!) As I was talking with her she said to me, "This is a really great opportunity for you isn't it?" I agreed that it was. I went back to my classroom and pondered what to do. I loved my job, I loved the school- was I ready and willing for a change? Would it consume my life? Would I be ok? After much thought I decided that if they called and offered me the job I would take it. Then I prayed I wouldn't be offered the job.

That afternoon, my sister, Annelise came over to rehearse for an Alumni show to honor my old drama teacher, and we were performing. Also in the room was my student, Preston who has been such a joy to teach. The phone rings- I pick it up, "Hi this is Doug (W-something?) from Hunter High School, how are you?" Me- "Fine" D- "Well, I am calling you to offer you the Theatre position at Hunter High School." Me- "Really? Awesome?" Silence... D- "Uh, are you accepting the offer?" Me- (after what seemed like a million moments and a million emotions I weakly replied) Yes. D- "Great we'll get the paper work etc..."

In that moment, I felt a million emotions and immediately started to cry. I felt peace about my decision, but also an intense sadness about the fact that I would be leaving my beloved job. Nervous and excited about my new adventures, but reluctant to leave... Annelise soon embraced me and so did Preston. I went and told the office staff and we all had a good cry and hugs. But, they were very supportive of my decision and were excited for me.

I then texted my old drama teacher and she texted this back to me, "YYYYEEESSS. I'm crying. Honest to g, I'm crying. We will announce it tonight if you want."

That night, I performed at the alumni show. I sang "Wash that Man Right Outa my Hair" with Annelise and "Children Will Listen" by myself. 

"Careful the things you say

Children will listen

Careful you do it too

Children will see

And learn, 

Guide them that step away-

Children will glisten

Tamper with what is true

And children will turn

If just to be free

Careful before you say

"Listen to me"

Children will listen."

At the end of the evening Barb, my old teacher, introduced me to the crowd. I went onstage with tear filled eyes and embraced her.

I am so grateful for the outpouring of love and support. When I first told my students that I would be leaving there was a lot of tears, but they understood. My family has been awesome and I have loved all the face book comments cheering me forward.

I am especially grateful for my dear friend Sarah who is my BFAW! (Best friend at work) Even though I know she wants me to stay, she has been so unselfish in her support of me! I am so grateful she is my friend- and now we can just be BFF's! I will miss her and many others terribly. But, now we will just have a great excuse to play hooky from school and go to DISNEYLAND!! (And no one will suspect when we are both mysteriously absent from school on the same day!! MWA HA HA!)

So with a heavy heart, I move on. But I am starting to get excited. The day after I accepted this job, I got this text from Toffer, "I was thinking today about how excited I am for you. Really, it made me smile just thinking about it. :-)" That was the beginning of my growing excitement. I've also decided that next year the musical will be "Bye Bye Birdie"!

Thanks to all for your amazing love and support. It's going to be an adventure!

Life, as of late

 A lot has happened in the last few weeks. First of all, I have moved home for a few months until Amy moves here for grad school! I am excited to be home for a bit (I already have a calling in the Primary) and not to mention I get to live with Amy! (I haven't lived with her since my last semester at BYU-I which was Fall 2005! Speaking of Amy, she visited me earlier this month, it was awesome!

Highlight was Michael Buble!! Thanks so much AMY!!

I also spent a lot of time with my dear friend Toffer. He has started his new adventure at BYU-Idaho and I already miss him so much! He has been such an incredible blessing in my life. And I am so grateful I know him. Good thing he is only a few hours away, I don't how I would survive!

 I've also been thinking a lot about my blessings. I have some incredible friends who always make my heart happy. And, with Amy in town, I got to see a lot of them!

 I love my old friends from college days, I love how whenever we get together, we just laugh and have fun!

It's also been so great to have Cameron living in Utah. He is such an amazing friend and I love spending time with him, because we are both so awesome! We went to my first Jazz game (it went into overtime... so exciting) and to a Bees game (not as exciting, but hey they had good bratwurst) and played. Thanks Cam!

I am also very proud of my sister. She has always had the dream to own her own theatre company and she and her husband Mickey are making the dream a reality! The are the proud owners of Posion Ivy Mysteries, now one year old. On top of it all, my talented sister writes all the scripts and my brother Jeff does the music along with their partner Nate Drew. It's a really fun evening- you can check them out at http://www.posionivymysteries.com/ Do it! You'll be glad you did!

This is Amy and I with Criss who played Klatookie in the most recent show "Death the Final Frontier, May the Corpse be with You!" Ironically, Criss also is the father to two of my students, small world.

Speaking of my students, I decided to apply for the job at Hunter High, although I have no idea what I will say if they offer it to me. I wish I knew what the best choice for me is. I LOVE Valley, I love my students! But, should I pass up the opportunity to go to a high school? I don't know, but I figure I will when the time comes. This picture is at the cast pasrty for Aladdin- Toren was playing the piano and I was making up a song about a cat. I love these kids!! Oh and I have pretty hair.

And this girl never ceases to amaze me. I am so glad I am around to watch my nieces grow. Such great gals, they ALWAYS make me feel loved. They ALWAYS cheer my heart. I LOVE THEM!

Oh, and did I mention that I miss this guy?

Moving

Well, I am in the midst of moving. In fact as I type this I am laying on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by all my stuff because all my furniture was moved last saturday. I have been sleeping on an air mattress. So much fun... I am moving home for a few months and then will be moving again in August.
I also realized it has been a long time since I blogged. I am sorry for that. A lot has been going on with visits, people leaving, teaching, and surviving. But I do have a fun story.
So, I like to sing at school, randomly I will break out into song at people (notice I said at not to- it's more of an attack that way.) Another teacher, Mr. Cracroft also randomly will sing. Today he was singing at his class and after he was finished, one boy clapped told him he was really good. He told him, "You were just as good as Lionel Richie and Jesus!" Now if that's not a compliment, I don't know what is!
Happy Spring Everyone!

A Whole New World

Well, my production of Aladdin closed last weekend- and as it is with every show that closes, it is a bittersweet feeling. Sweet- because I got home at 3:45 today! My stress has been significantly reduced. Bitter- because the moment is now gone. The kids won't be showing up in my room every day after school to entertain me... Theatre is such an interesting animal- you work so long and so hard for something that just lasts an instant- but will be forever remembered by these kids. My students who touch my heart with their generosity, dedication, heart, humor, and love.
I was very moved by all of the people who supported me and my program! It's amazing how alone I can sometimes feel- but if I just take a breath- look around- and notice- I am overwhelmed by all of the people that believe in me. I had so many dear friends travel to come and see my show and build me. I marvel at how much people care. I am so proud of these kids, I am so grateful that I know them and that they will forever be in my heart. I can think of no better way to change the world than to teach.

Here I am with Brayden who played the Sultan and Merrick who was Aladdin.

This is Greyson and Paxton (Greyson was responsible for one of my favorite moments in the show!)

Here is Toffer with some of the guys from the cast. (Toffer was such a HUGE help! He helped with everything, especially helping me to keep my sanity- this is for you Mr. T!)

Karlee & Chantell!

Cameron as Iago

With Kim who played a lovely Jasmine.