I Don't Know How to Love Him

Letting go of the need to control is very difficult for me. Recently something happened in my life and by my own weaknesses- I brought about a reaction that I didn't want. Now I feel remorse, I've apologized- but unfortunately- I'm not getting anything from the other side. And, that is quite difficult. I'm not good at giving people the time they need- I have a need to resolve conflict, issues as soon as possible. I like to feel like all is ok. I hate giant question marks.

At what point is it right to just walk away? How much needs to happen before it becomes too much? What will the catalyst be? Only time will tell.

At times like these, I wish I had all the answers. But, I don't. I wish I could take back what I did and said, but I can't. And now, I just have to let it be. I just don't know anymore. I used to think that we were a great match, that we'd be able to weather anything. But now, I'm not sure. If by one mistake I've made- I've been shut out... again. It's just too much, and I'm sorry. And yet-

"I don't know how to love him-

What to do, how to move him-

I've been changed, yes really changed 

In these past few days, when I've seen myself

I seem like someone else.

I don't know how to take this-

I don't see why he moves me-

He's a man, He's just a man ..

He's just one more.

Should I bring him down?

Should I scream and shout?

Should I speak of love?

Let my feelings out?

I never thought I'd come to this-

What's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny?

I should be in this position-

I'm the one, who's always been

So calm, so cool, no lover's fool

Running every show.

He scares me so.

I never thought I'd come to this-

What's it all about?

Yet, if he said he loved me

I'd be lost, I'd be frightened

I couldn't cope-

Just couldn't cope...

He scares me so.

I want him so.

I love him so."