And, here it is.

It's been awhile since I've blogged, mostly because I haven't really had much to say. But, seeing as this is basically my journal- I think I should post something. So, if you read this, enjoy. If not, well, that's ok too.

I can't believe 2011 is almost over. I can't believe I am almost 33.

My musical was fantastic. I love, love, LOVE hearing the applause for the kids. I was really proud of this production, it looked awesome (set, hair, costumes etc...) and was SUPER entertaining. I guess I do know what I am doing. Right now I am in the midst of my rehearsals for "See How They Run" which performs in February. The never-ending cycle of being a drama teacher. But, I love it. It's nice to have a job that I enjoy doing, that challenges me and makes some difference in the world.

I've been thinking about my Dad a lot lately, although I am not sure why. I guess it's just more of an emptiness that is always with me. He was about my age when he started making choices that eventually led to his ruin. Little choices, small steps. I guess it's just a reminder that the little choices really do make a big difference. Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if he had made different choices. If he was actually in my life. If I actaully felt like I had a Father. Sometimes I look at Daddy- Daughter relationships and I feel such an ache in my heart, a longing. Oh well.

My lease is up in my apartment at the end of February and they are raising the rent by over $200... so I need to find a new place to live. I am seriously looking into buying a place. I kept saying that I felt too transient to buy a place (because I guess I always thought I'd be buying my first place with my husband, so I kept on holding out for that pipe dream...) But, I have a very permanent job, in a very permanent place and I am tired of dealing with leases and apartment managers. I just pray that I can find the right place with the right price for me.

It hit me a few months ago that I am getting old. That I am truly an adult. It was weird. I now look in the mirror and notice I don't look as young as I once did and it is strange. It is strange to get older.

I still have my goal to run the Disney World half marathon next January (2013) although I have been terrible at working toward my goal. I've just let a lot of things get to me... it's been a really hard past two years. But I need to change, or I never will. I had almost given up hope for things that I really want. But then I realized, if I don't have hope, I have nothing. And that's no way to live.

Merry Christmas everyone.