The Flood ... aka My Stress Level Reaches its Maximum Level

So, I used to be a lot better at this blogging thing. And one of my goals is to post at least once a month- since this blog is really the only sort of journal that I have now. Anyway, the main reason I've been neglecting posting has been that my life has been taken over by Grad school. For the past two years I have been working toward my MA in Arts Administration at SUU and I graduate in a little less than a month! When I started the program, I was quite naive regarding how much stress I could handle, and I'll be honest- I think this past year I reached my highest level... There were many things (beyond grad school) that contributed to my stress- but for this post I am going to focus on how it all seemed to physically manifest in the form of a flood that devastated my home. Here's the story.
On May 10 I was visting with my students after school and I received a phone call from my neighbor Teri- I let it go to voicemail because I was visiting with the students. I then felt like I should listen to the message- so I did. "Kjersti this is Teri call me as soon as you can- Trent Peterson and the apartment above you are flooding and we need to see if yours is- so call me ASAP, bye." while sirens are blaring in the background I return her call and while on the phone she yells out- "Oh no, you have water coming out onto your patio"! I get off the phone and ask my former student Blake (who was visiting that day) if he's come with me to my house to help. As I rushed home all I could think about were my two dogs... I had no idea how long it had flooded, no idea if they were safe in their crate and my brain went to the worst case scenario. Luckily I live less than 10 min from work and I arrived and ran into my house with water pouring from light fixtures and heating vents with my dogs barking loudly in their crate. Fortunately they were fine and I had a neighbor take them outside.

In those first few moments I just wandered around my house not knowing what to do. My house was a little messy so I started cleaning a bit even though I knew it would be futile- but strangers and neighbors were coming in to help and I wanted my house to be clean. I called my Mom and texted the rest of my family to come help. Blake shortly arrived after me and began helping me. My friend and co-worker Maren also was immediately on hand to help. I was in a daze- the alarms, the flooding. It mostly hit the bathrooms, my bedroom and the kitchen more than the other rooms. It was crazy with water visible behind the paint on the walls- water coming from the ceiling and the carpet being soaked through. Everyone was asking me what I needed and I had no idea what to say. I felt like the world was swirling around me at a breakneck speed and I didn't know how to react. When my brother Ben arrived he took over and started moving my stuff into Maren's garage. I called the insurance to start a claim and they asked me to assess the damage... I had no idea.

I was overwhelmed with the whole situation and as the night came I just felt the weight of it all. At first I foolishly thought I could move into the guest room and stay home- I was wrong. That night I gathered a few personal items, my dogs and spent the night at my Mom's house. I couldn't find anyone to sub for my classes- so I went to work. I was exhausted and still in a daze from the whole situation. After work, I stopped by my house to clean up some more. In my bedroom I discovered my journal from college had been soaked through and a box of notes from students had been ruined. I sat on the soggy floor and debated what to throw away- what to try and salvage as my personal items and memories were ruined around me. I tried to stay upbeat (because really in circumstances you can't control there is no point in being negative, it doesn't do any good.) But inside I was really struggling, and overwhelmed. They had put black X's on all the walls that needed to be torn down. It felt a little violating- it was weird to see. Some of my personal items and furniture had been carelessly tossed aside with no regard. I do understand, however, that the first priority was to take care of and clean up the flood, but still it was hard to see.

Over the next few days I started to realize the gravity of the situation but did my best to remain optimistic- I was first told it would take a month to clean- then two (and now when I move back in, it will have been a total of 12 weeks...) I scrambled to pack stuff with the help of friends and family- I threw away junk and personal items... I worked with the insurance and literally watched my home be ripped apart around me. I never took a day off and continued my duties at school. At the beginning of June was my capstone project for Grad School and I had so much work to do- I didn't have time to worry about my house.

So, I moved to my parents with my dogs in tow. It took me a week to unpack because I had a hard time accepting that I would be homeless for awhile. Life continued to go on and I continued to process everything that had happened. The majority of my stuff was moved into storage and I took a few things with me to my Moms. Which leads me to now- my house, after multiple delays, should be finished this week.

Overall, I've done my best to just roll with the situation. And I've felt guilty over how hard it's been for me- telling myself to just get over it- at the end of the day I will have a beautiful new house with new appliances and I am sure I will enjoy it. But, I've needed to mourn and I've needed to feel how I feel. It does such a disservice to people when we tell them how they should or shouldn't feel. Processing through unexpected tragedy takes time. People just need someone to listen and be there, not make them feel like what they are going through is trivial and doesn't matter. It just makes things worse. Anyway, yes, I will have a beautiful new home- but the path to get there has been hard.

It's been a bit of a roller coaster... the hardest time for me was when I returned from Hawaii. I had been told I would probably move in right after the 4th of July- so I went on vacation expecting to move in when I got home. After Mom picked me up from the airport, we drove to my house to get my mail and check on the progress. I was exhausted after a red eye flight and was excited to gauge how soon it would be until I moved in. I was soon disappointed as it looked like all that had been done was primer on the walls... at that point I realized it wouldn't be anytime soon and it caused me to fall into a deep depression as I struggled with everything I was feeling. The stress from grad school, the lingering stress from the most dramatic (and not always in a good way) school year I had with my students, to trying to be healthy and not doing great because my structure was so disrupted... All while some people are being supportive while others are being unknowingly unkind and flippant about how I feel. I knew eventually I would be fine- but I just needed to process. I appreciate more than I can express those who just let me process and supported me and didn't make me feel bad and guilty for struggling with my situation.

It's ironic- this week is the UACTT conference and is the only event this summer that I couldn't adjust and it's happening exactly when my house will be finished. Oh well. My final walk through is scheduled for Friday when I get back from the conference and then the movers are scheduled to come on Saturday. Then I begin the processes of assessing and replacing my personal items that were affected by the flood. And then school starts. It will all be ok- I will have a beautiful new home- I will hopefully have a group of awesome students. I am grateful to my parents and everyone who has been there for me. I just hope I never have to go through something like this again.