Coming up with a title can be hard...

Often I have random thoughts percolating in my mind that will probably make it into a blog post. This is one of those posts. (So forgive me for the random rambling that will most likely ensue.) The holidays are an interesting time, this year I've decided to not focus on the 'wo is me- single life' instead I've tried to do my best to enjoy my alone time. It's been nice.

But always at this time of year I do a lot of self-reflection (as I think we all do) - with the New Year, but also because my birthday is January 5th so it also marks another year passed for me specifically.

My life-

Yeah, it’s pretty good when you look at it. I have an amazing job with some of the best and brightest and most amazing students a person could ask for. I have a home I own with two adorable dogs that show me unconditional love. I am furthering my education and constantly working on projects.

But here is the underneath stuff- here is the vulnerability. I haven't felt like myself for an incredibly long time. So much has rocked my little corner of the world on a personal level in the past few years that I feel like I am still struggling to figure it out.

I've learned that at the end of the day the only person I can really count on is myself. Yes, people come and go and are so amazing in my life- but I cannot seek for outside help to validate me or make things better for me- I have to do that for myself. I need to accept love in whatever form it presents itself- I've focused far too long on the romantic notion of love as being the final goal; I've learned that love presents itself in the smallest, most seemingly insignificant of ways that are actually incredibly profound.

I've never really been afraid to be open with people. Not sure why- I guess I'm fascinated by the shared human experience. But, this openness sometimes causes pain. I guess it is the price that is paid.

I'm learning what is best for me. I'm learning how to better care for myself. And that is progress, which is good- because at the end of the day- it's just me regardless of who comes in and out of my life.

I know I am a daughter of God with infinite potential. I know that no one else can make my life what it needs to be. I know I need to make some changes to improve my life. I know I cannot control anyone else's thoughts, actions or choices- that I have to let it go.

At the end of the day- it's just me.

So, I guess my point it that love can be unexpected and precious, you can only really count on yourself (and that is an OK thing, it doesn't mean you shut people out, it just means you are in charge of your own happiness and choices) and when you don't feel like yourself let it go, make changes and move forward.