Seems to be my lot in life

This post is just for me. I may eventually publish it, but right now it is just for me.
True love is selfless, true love is trusting, true love is wanting them to be happy. Even if it means letting them go.

In the movie, "My Best Friend's" Wedding there is a scene at the end where the happy couple is leaving and Julia Roberts is lost in the crowd and she is trying to get to her best friend to say goodbye. Then he appears out of nowhere, embraces her, and then leaves her alone.

That girl is me. The girl who is always saying goodbye. The girl who makes sure that everyone feels loved.

I remember when my best friend from high school got married. When I got home from my mission, he was dating the girl that eventually became his wife. I knew he was going to marry her the moment I met her. She was just perfect for him. I remember being in the Temple with them, helping decorate their car at the reception, and bidding them goodbye when they drove away. I also was in love with my best friend for six years. And even in that moment, a part of me still loved him. But, I knew I was not the right choice for him and I loved the choice he had made. Part of me still loves him. He was my best friend.

I am so sick of having to learn this lesson over and over and over again. I just keep hoping that someday someone will choose me. Someone who is the absolute best for me. Someone who will be so ecstatic that we are together.

So, I won't tell you how much I love you and how much I want to be the one you choose. Instead I will give my blessing to you. Instead I watch you choose someone else. And I am happy for your happiness. And I realize it's still so preliminary, but I think it's just a sign for things to come.

I've known you forever, and I figure if you wanted me, you would've chosen me by now.

So, no matter what, I know I will be ok. And I am beyond grateful for your friendship. You have been a rock in my life, you have done so much for me and I will always love you. And I will always have your back.

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you
Just get on the phone, I got you
Come and pick you up if I have to.

What's weird about it
We're right at the end
Ain't mad about it
Just figured out in my head
I'm proud to say- I got you.

Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright 
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better or worse
I got you.


Ain't falling apart or bitter
Let's be bigger than that and remember
The cooling outdoor when you're all alone
Won't survive it, no drama, no need for a show
Just wanna say I got you.


Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright 
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better or worse
I got you.

'Cause this is love and life
And nothing we can both control
And if it don't feel right
You're not losing me by letting me know

Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better, for worse I got you

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you
-Leona Lewis "I Got You"


I'll be alright.