Do you ever feel like you just don't belong? Like there is a place for everyone else except you?
That, my friends is what it is like to be 31 and single in the LDS church- you no longer have a place.
You are too old for the singles ward.
Too single for the family ward.
And still feel too young for the older singles ward that goes to 45...What's a girl to do?
Choice #1- Become the crazy old cat lady in the ward who remains single.
Choice #2- Try the older singles ward...
Choice #3- Get married.
Hmmmm... I think I'll choose #3. So where to begin? A few years ago I had some accounts with some online LDS dating sites, I spent some money and spent two months making a great profile, winking and smiling at people, even chatting a few times all to no avail. So, I cancelled my account (it never did feel right to be on there, I just had a friend who convinced me to do it) And I went on my merry way. Hoping and praying that the Lord would provide someone for me in a more 'organic' way. (i.e. we meet in person).
But here I am.Today I decided to peruse those sites again. I reactivated my LDS mingle account, and took an incredibly long survey on eharmony.com.
On the LDS mingle site, I looked at some profiles and quickly became depressed. I hate dating web sites, they are SO impersonal. Why can't I just meet the right guy for me in real life.
It seems like the guys are all searching for the 'perfect girl' which I am not.DEPRESSING...
So, to all of you, I am asking some help. I feel like I need to date more. If you know anyone that you feel may be a good match for me, please send them my way.
I don't want to be a crazy cat lady...
8 comments:
Aw, miss Kjersti, I love you so much :) I don't, at the moment, have a man in mind, but I will look.
I have a sister who got married one week after me, back in January. She turned 31 last April (2009). The week of her birthday, she went on a set-up date with the friend of a friend. She had been set up SO many times and didn't want to bother, but it finally ended up being the right guy for her. And she was awesome and adorable like you, and we couldn't figure out what was wrong with guys that they didn't ask her out.
I will say this about dating websites, though. I joined mingle last summer out of frustration with my entire lack of dating and was immediately pretty creeped out. There were 60-year-old men (I kid you not) who asked me to be the mother of their children, both from previous marriages and unborn children. Eee! And, again, totally annoyed with all the guys wanting the "slender, athletic, or average" body type girl.
I seriously didn't want to keep trying it after one month, so I tried to cancel my subscription but had done it one day too late (no refunds) and figured I'd try and make the most of the stupid thing. Brent asked me to chat that night. He dated online for years, because he is so ridiculously shy and it was too hard for him to make the first few moves in person. He comes across SUPER confident online but he is shy, shy, shy in person. I guess it just works a little better than other forms of dating for some people.
I am NOT trying to say that you'll find someone online. I'm just saying that I think things happen when we least expect them to, which I'm sure you already know, so I'll be quiet now :)
I think you are great, truly. Let me know what the most important qualities in a man (your ideal man) are, and I will go on the hunt!
My peeps in Portland are slightly over 30 and the Bishop hasn't given them the boot yet, which is cool. I just turned 25, which is weird, and for some reason dudes only want to date girls that are totally 20. Doesn't matter how old the dude gets... but honestly guys like that are never going to be the kind of guys that want to marry you or me. And we wouldn't want to marry them either. I know you've got a sweet action new job at a high school which is totally great, but maybe leaving Utah and going to a new state/ city would bring new dating horizons/ opportunities worth pursuing.
That's the direction I am going in anyway. love and miss you!
Lizzy
I'm always wishing I had an older brother who was just awesome enough to date you, so then you could always be around and then we could be sisters in law and such. (I do have a nice little brother, and he's pretty awesome. but he's only 22.)
I wish I had more connections where you are.... My older sister lives down there in Utah. I should see if she knows anyone awesome to send your way.
He's got to be pretty darn awesome though...
I'm going to the midsingles ward in DC. It's kind of awesome. I was feeling a little too old for the young singles ward, and the family ward was great--I really did love sitting with my friend Roberta who was quite elderly and watching the babies--but I was the only single girl there, outside of the young women. They started a ward for 31-55 and it has been amazing. The quality of the people just astounds me. And it makes me feel wonderful about myself as a single girl to be surrounded by amazing men and women who just haven't found the right person yet.
Online dating has been hit and miss for me. It's good to put yourself out there--and I think it's a great place to meet people--but I think it's important to get to know each other in the real world. So a good combination of both is really good.
Good luck!! You're a beautiful, smart, wonderful woman--so whatever happens in your life, you will handle it all with grace and joy.
In the UK there is only one singles ward in the entire country (London). So all the wards I attended just had the YSA with the rest of the ward. I'm getting too old too, but they haven't kicked me out. The YSA need good role models. It's hard to turn 30 because suddenly, you feel as though you should cut off, but as long as you don't tell anyone! Just embrace being single and free!
I turned 30 in March and I decided to start going to a family ward and I love it. I have never felt so welcomed into a ward. I love the variety of people from 99 to 0. We have young married couples, widows, empty-nesters etc. It is not about your status it is about the gospel and each of us helping each other to get through whatever it is that life hands to us. I got a calling to teach 13 year olds in sunday school - 11 boys and 2 girls. Keeps me on my toes and I love it. I am not saying I don't get lonely or it isn't difficult sometimes but there are people in much worse situations then just being single and I count my blessings. The ratios just aren't great out there and that is about it.
P.S. I think you are great ;0) And what works for someone may not work for you. Hang in there -- We have made it this far!
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