Expectations

I sit here on a Friday night spending time in front of my computer screen and I have a million thoughts running through my mind.

I played at a wedding tonight, it wasn't an LDS wedding, so we played for the ceremony. I swear the groom looked like he could've been one of my students! They looked so young! (When did I get so old?)...

Expectations of myself- expectations of others- expectations of my life...

Another school year has come and gone, the students usually cry. I console- if they only understood how many times they would say goodbye in life. Goodbye to innocence, goodbye to relationships, goodbye to dreams...

When is something a waste of time? How do you know when you've given too much and received too little? I feel empty sometimes. How can I let go? Alone.

Is our worth really wrapped up in the eyes of others? Can we be complete on our own? I don't know. So we spend a lifetime searching, planning, scheming, crying, dreaming,... living.
Still alone.

Wondering why. How many gray hairs can a person get before they become "too old"? I get gray hairs... they say if you pluck them out, three grow back in its place. I think this is most likely true, at least for me.

The eternal optimist? She sometimes feels sad. She sometimes feels anger. She often feels lonely. And yet, in moments, she looks heavenward and remembers who she is.

Time marches on and I wonder, when will this be real?